EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Managing Drinking
Introduce Yourself
I need support from you all!

Advanced Search Form

I need support from you all!

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

"Maybe it's time to re-evaluate our friendship with these people...."

I totally agree on that one. I've trimmed a lot of fat over the last year or 2. I had a neighbour who drank incessantly and was quite the drinking buddy for my wife and I centre me out in the middle of a Christmas party by announcing "Hey everyone Dave isn't drinking! How long has it been? 8 months? If I could stop for 3 months I'd never drink again!" He was hammered when he did it. I have a thick skin and couldn't give a s..t and just said "I think that would be a good idea". He looked like a complete idiot. I got a lot of questions on the side form his friends there and I just said "I need a break. Every time I turn around Norm's handling me a drink. It just wasn't working for me anymore and I feel so much better...".

11:30pm seems to be the max point for me when dealing with drunks. It gets pretty sloppy after that.

Don't ever feel bad or awkward about a positive choice. It's YOUR life.

All the best,

Dave848

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Thank you Drunk1 for your encouragement, and your response.

Dave,

How did I feel when I went for that glass of wine? I felt scared, measured, determined, and surprisingly, strong.

I dealt with that glass of wine like normal people do.... it was pretty amazing actually. I poured the amount I would get in a restaurant, not 10oz like I would in the past, and like everyone at the dinner party was doing. I put the glass down, and sipped it slowly, which I never used to do. I stopped when I felt the slightest buzz, which would usually send the craving from a 2 to a 10+..... and I didn't want to keep drinking at all. It was very odd, but fantastically empowering.

I also felt resentful that my friends were so discouraging of my husband and I not drinking like they do. My hubby has never been a more-than-a-beer-or-two kind of guy, and I realize now that he gets made fun of a lot by this host. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate our friendship with these people....

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Flipflopmom,

Great work handling yourself as you did during your social visit. How did you feel when you were getting yourself that glass of wine?

I've come into that situation more than a few times. I tell them in a pleasant way "No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight" which is often followed up by "Come on, what's your problem!" or "Come on, have one!". "No thanks, I'm good." I have a 3 offer limit and if they keep pushing I change my tone from pleasant refusal to neutral assertiveness and if that doesn't work it goes into a very direct refusal and "don't ask me again". They pass the point of respecting my choice so they get what they get. It's basically the same as someone pushing me to smoke a joint. Can't stand the stuff. Unless of course I've had too much to drink and then it seems like a good idea. Go figure....

You're doing great! Well done. It's your life and you do not owe them anything and they need to respect your choices. If they don't then be direct and assertive.

All the best,

Dave848

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 69

Well handled flipflop

You where in the pervebiale" tough spot", and passed with flying colors. Every drinker fears to be the topic of conversation when people find out the have quit, your few sips seemed to have deverted attention from you. Personally those few sips would have lead me to emptying the glass and the whole liquor cabinet by the end of the night., good restraint, and the fact that you used the opportunity to really observe the effects of alcohol on others, is an valuable lesson.

I look at my past drinking through the eyes of my wife and family, and It is one of the strongest motivators I have.

Sounds like you are on to a very happy and satisfying life, enjoy your daughter's youth the grow up very fast.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Hello virtual friends! I wanted to post about something that happened over the weekend.

My hubby and I went to a friend's house where we used to really party it up... me especially. I was so afraid. I brought a huge cup (you couldn't see inside it) filled with seltzer and juice. As soon as I came in, my friends started making fun of my drink. I felt like it was my shield, and I clung to it. It felt good to defend myself, but it was scary at the same time.

When my drink was gone, someone was there immediately to shake my ice in my cup and say "OK, COME ON!" So I got myself a glass of white wine and resumed watching everyone else (except my hubby) drink a lot.

Then we had an awesome gourmet dinner. It was so easy to sit and watch my wine glass and have good conversation. I occasionally took a teeny sip, and as soon as my glass was getting low, my friend filled it up. (sigh) We continued to chat and I realized that by this time everyone around me was too drunk to care about me drinking anymore.

The crazy part comes now. I didn't realize the subtle changes in people when they have a few drinks. My friends were drunk, but not nearly out of control or bombed, and they were DIFFERENT. My daughter was with us, and it reminded me of when I was a kid and our family would visit with relatives. After a couple hours, everyone but my folks would change, not in a good way. It was scary for us kids, and now I see that I had done that very thing to my child. It is subtle, like I said, but the change is there. I don't want this for my child, and I don't want to put her in these situations.

I poured my second glass of wine down the sink when no one was looking, and we packed up. By this time, my friends were swearing in front of my daughter, and I was embarrassed. What a night of reflection and motivation. They coerced us into taking a jug of sangria home with us, and we poured it down the drain the next day.

There is beer in my fridge and I have no desire at all for it. Every time I see alcohol I hear a voice in my head that says "I am powerless over you." It has helped me a lot with my false confidence about drinking.

Thank you for listening to my story.... and for being there to support me. Knowing I was going to check in here helped me a lot that night.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 69

Good to hear from you again flip flop mom, it is enlightening to read you are keeping your drinking in check, and determind to stick to your goals. Your husband's perception of your drinking seems to be your biggest hurtle in my in unproffetional option, he has the mind set of the majority of the world if you are not fallingdown slobbery drunk then you have no problem, but I have seen people that react to alcohol in ways you can not believe unless you have seen it, some people have like an allergy to alcohol, a very small amount can send them in to a seemingly drunken stoopper, or put them into an immediate depression cuasing them to drink even more, or those that get angry and violent after drinking what most would call a small amount, once the are in that state of mind they consume more. Alcohol changes so much in our bodies and minds so fast no one can judge what an individuals tolerance is to it. You seem to have it together in so many other areas of your life don't doubt yourself about alcohol. If you came home with a bag of cocain and told your husband to have a line or to it won't hurt, what would his reaction be, just be cause alcohol is legal dose not make it safe for everyone.

And as a thought, if your husband had me for a wife for a year while I was drinking, he would look apon you as a goddess and respect your wishes in a heart beat.

Keep up beat, and enjoy reality.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

I thought I'd check in and be honest with my progress. My husband brought home a bottle of wine to "celebrate Mother's Day" with me on our outdoor patio. I was stunned, because we have never done this before. I have not told him about my drinking intentions or about this site, so I was a bit flummoxed when he started shining up wine glasses.

After reading a LOT in the big book, and reading other people's stories here on this site, I have come to the conclusion that I am not YET an alcoholic, but I sure am on my way if I continue what I'm doing. I told my husband that I don't want alcohol in our home, and while I would have a little with him, I didn't want to do it again. I felt badly that he was trying to do something nice for me....

After that, we went out to dinner and I didn't drink anything else! The waitress came over and asked me if I wanted something to drink, my husband got a beer, and I got water. It was a huge step for me, so I'm pretty happy.

I think I would like to have a glass of champagne on special occasions once every few months or so, but that's it. I don't know if this is realistic for me, but time will tell.

At least it's a start. Thank you all for your support and virtual friendship. It has helped me learn a lot about alcoholism, where I stand in my journey, and some preliminary steps to change my life.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Thank you all for your encouragement! Allie, I'm here for you as well! Friday I went food shopping with a friend and she bought a bottle of wine for "when I come over." I just said "oh, ok." because it wasn't the time or place to talk about my new choices. This weekend has proven to be an easy one to not drink because I didn't socialize, and today I'm going to visit my elderly side of the family. (They don't party, LOL!) I hope you are all enjoying a sober weekend!

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

I hear ya! People are quick to judge and impose their opinions. I was usually that person " oh c'mon have a drink" it's the life I Knew so well. The dancing, the parties, bbqs, social functions.... I lived for it. I know how you feel. It's tough. Tougher than I've imagined. Be bold and confident.....you have made this decision and you got this! Whatever is in your cup or whatever cup you use, the confidence is inside yourself. I welcome your support as well.

8 years ago 0 +0 / -0 69

Ive been through the trials of the one that is not drinking, my advice is to have something non alcoholic in your hand and when someone asks you if you need another say " thanks I'm good " keeping your glass full helps to then they don't ask so much, also if you can use a Togo cup that No one can tell if it's full or not. It's th stereotyping of the one that has recently quit that we are afraid of others think that we have just had a bad experience dwi, fight, etc that has lead to quiting and yes the questions can get anyoing fast when your trying to enjoy yourself. I look at those that are drinking and observe that 1: They have only had a drink anyway or 2:the are hammered and are on the verge of doing or saying something stupid . Watching those ones and the reaction of others toward them may make you feel a lot more at ease about obstaining.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

I need support from you all!