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It sounds like you were reaching out to reconnect with a friend as your new sober self. Reminding yourself that now, you are in fact a good role model for your daughter. In the now, you are enough just as you are. The past gets farther behind and your new actions are the evidence that you have changed. Tough to reach out in honesty when feeling vulnerable. Good for you!
You are doing the right thing by making effort to fix the relationship. Some people call it the completion process we in AA call i amends. There will be skepticism, it took for my wife about 7 years to fully acknowledge that I am really serious about my recovery and that created space for me to take a meeting into a correction facility each Sunday. 3 hours in all, thats a huge shift for a person who didn't want me to be in AA in my 2nd year of sobriety, because of all the trash that is thrown about AA in some of the blogs. I really don't know why they do that, but its there. And AA doesn't go against those organizations. Thats the true spirit of AA. We just mind our own business, help people who are interested in our way of life.
Eckhart Tolle talks about all spiritual teachings are the same, they just come in different language. Give them space, the family will come out good.
So last night I had a conversation with my teenage daughter about an interaction I had with someone she admires many years ago when I was drunk. I had emailed this gal and reached out to see if we can be friends again and say sorry for putting that mess on her. I mentioned it to my daughter....she said, God! You drunk dialed her? (eye roll) Are you serious? I responded, I don't do that anymore...I'm not that person now and I haven't been for a year. I felt so bad. Wanted to go back in time and erase all the stupid, selfish things I did. I had gotten so used to being a good role model for my girl. I think I kind of forgot where I came from...This slapped me back into it...And made me ashamed of myself. And made me want to crawl away and just disappear. I think that might be a trigger...while I didn't feel like drinking at that time I think we decide to drink days before we actually do it. So, I thought it might be a good idea to come here and express it here in a positive way instead of acting out my disgust for myself right now. Thanks for listening. :-)
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