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Looking back with regret

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Glad to hear it.

But thank yourself. You did all the hard work

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Thanks everyone for the postive thoughts...just reading your input helped to put things into the right frame of mind for me. It IS TOTALLY an old pattern coming up for me. I do great and then ruin it all by self distruction. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for me. I feel like I've let go of the reason's I began to drink...feel like the healthiest I've been in years--with self image etc. Which is exactly why this is startng up again. You are all correct, I have to let go of the past....I guess that becomes hard for me especially if I feel like I've really made progress...that's all it takes to send me into a tizzy! I had a good talk with my husband today too where he pointed out that I've been doing great--- But, to not get to crazy with the thought that I'm over it. I will never truely be "over it" I do moderate from time to time but only after staying away from booze first and I think when you do attempt to moderate you can't do it very often or your back where you came from if you get to comfortable with it and for me that's just not an option. I am scared to death of myself ever getting into that same trouble I was in last year because that was SCARY! And that is enough for me to abstain almost all the time (i said almost). With that said....I like the thought that nobody is entirely free of pain or sorrow...and living with the past as a past and not my lifes sentence is what I need to focus on. If not then it's a prison of my own making. THanks guys!! I feel better!!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Nodrama,

I do not think it is your brain trying to pull you back in but I do think you have used alcohol to cope with negative feelings for a long time; so, this is an old pattern coming up again. Humans have feelings of guilt for a social purpose - it allows us to maintain relationship and prevents us from making lots of social mistakes which could lead to loss of social relationships. Not so long ago social relationships were essential to our survival. Being able to maintain those relationships was a life or death matter. Now relationships are just essential to our emotional health. The thoughts you are having are natural in some respect.

I do want to distinguish between shame and guilt though. Guilt is healthy as it pushes us to change. We think, "Oh, I feel guilty for doing that. I will have to make it up to that person." But shame is different. Shame is internalized guilt - instead of disliking our actions, we dislike ourselves. This is where problems come in. Shame can make us dislike ourselves so much that we start to believe our negative thoughts about ourself. When we believe these thoughts they can become a self-fufilling prophecy. There are ways to overcome shame. Talking about it and challenging your negative thoughts about yourself is important. As is setting goals for yourself to boost your confidence. Try not to over analyse these thoughts though. When they pop up, feel it, accept it, and move on. Ruminating on shameful thoughts will just lead to a negative spiral.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of introspection though! Nice work

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Excellent response foxman, I have nothing to add.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Eckhart Tolle in his book "Power of Now" starts his 2nd chapter "Consciousness Way out of pain" with the following:

Nobody's life is entirely free of pain and sorrow. Isn't it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them?

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.

The pain that you create now is always some form of non acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. On the level of thought, the resistance is some form of judgment. On the emotional level, it is some form of negativity. The intensity of the pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment, and this in turn depends on how strongly you are identified with your mind. The mind always seeks to deny the Now and to escape from it. In other words, the more you are identified with your mind, the more you suffer. Or you may put it like this: the more you are able to honor and accept the Now, the more you are free of pain, of suffering - and free of the egoic mind.

________________

We need to learn to dis-indentify from our own mind. Like we need to start watching our thoughts just like we watch some movie and let go of those thoughts. Its pure nonsense. Just like a buble popping. If we allow the thoughts to over-take the real us, we are toast.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

As the summer approaches and I look back over the last couple of years of my lifr--this last year in particular where my demons finally became so intense that they demanded attention and action....I am wondering if looking back with regret is a form of self punishment....Is it our brains effort to shame us again into drinking? Because I can talk myself into feeling so bad about past episodes...I can do some serious self beating up. I know that AA calls that a "remember when" (Jakelad told me that once) and it's supposed to remind you of where you came from so that you don't go back. BUT--I struggle with trying to rewrite history. I have trouble accepting the BS I put everyone through and I have no justification for it. I find my past behavior unacceptable. I find it pathetic and when I let myself I can get so sad about it. SO--I ask you guys again...do you think it's my brain trying to suck me back in so to speak? I don't feel the urge self distruct....I tell myself every day how lucky I am to be able to love my family. I believe over indulgence is truely a choice....which is probably why I have such a hard time accepting my selfishness of the past. What do you guys think?

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Looking back with regret