Hurting the people closest to me like my mother, sisters, and my gf. They've seen me at my worst. Hearing stories about my mother not being able to sleep because she is worried about me hurts me too much. She's too great to make her go through that. My sisters the same. I don't want to hurt my family and i don't want to lose everything i have for something as stupid as a few drinks. Doesn't make any sense to me.
I was down about losing my job that i worked so hard to get. To lose it all, it hit me like a ton of bricks and i sgarted to drink more, but by doing that everything else started to get worse too And i just started to feel so awful and depressed to the point that I've thought the worse thing.. i just wanted to end my life with my own gun, but then how much more am i going to hurt my family. My mother loves me more than anything. She will do amything for me. Her love for me it's like no other and to know that she was crying to one o my friends because she was so worried about me the last time i was drunk, just hit me.. i keeded to change.. but for myself first.
My gf asked me to stop many times, but i thought j had control , but i came to the realization that i never will have that control. Before I used to say I'll just have one, then I'll just stick to beer.. then I'll just stick to wine, but i ended up back to the same bad habits of getting wasted.
the difference now is that i love the people around me, i love myself, and i dont wanna keep hirting them and disappointing myself so much because I've hurt them so much. I'm over it. I'm ready to start new, fresh.. a sober life. I thank God every day for the peron who i am. I am a very very happy person but when i drank it turmed me into something else and i used to hate myself fpr weeks after drinking and making stupid choices. I'd rather not anymore.. i cherish everyone in my life and i don't wanna lose myself or them because of drinking. I just decided to stop completely after trying everything else. I'm at a good place and I want to keep it this way. It feels great.
I also had a talk with God.. I'm not the type of person to be at church everyday or at all Bc i haven't been for about 10 years, but i am a big brliever in God. If it wasnt for my moms prayers and for Him watching over me, i probably would have been dead a while ago. vei realized that i know what's wrong and what's right, and i was running on a rhin line here. I stopped myself before it's too late.
I asked God for one more chance.. i asked God for my career back and I am working on it, and everything looks great. I know that i will have everything i want..
The last thing I've done is made th st promise to God that i will never drink again and that is a promise i could never ever break.
I'm thankful to share all thi with you.
