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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11218

Great work Annes!

Exercise is a great step forward. I also love how involved you are in the support group. Your continued engagement will pay off.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

Annes, That is what sharing is all about. Takes us out of our selfish lying ways. This site is a chance to be fully honest. The key to honesty I have found is within our selves. I was too the point that my lies where my own reality. Now I am honest to myself and to others. Takes a long time to earn trust back. This alcoholic is very impatiant, I want everything yesterday.

I am going okay, thanks for asking. I get my one year maddalion in 40 days. I have a beautiful woman in my life, my son lives with me full time and my daughter is coming for dinner this weekend. I have great friends that value sobriety as much as I do. Life is good. But I know that I must keep doing the things that got it good. A drink is only an arm length away from my mouth.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thank you so much, TS and ND. I read your wise words first thing this morning and they are an inspiring start to my day. ND, you are likely quite right in saying my family "knows" there is a problem. It helps too to not to have to think in terms of a big confession, something that would deeply embarrass me. While my drinking doesn't create any big drama, I'm sure my children have noticed how much I drink. I think it's easy to ignore it because of how functional I seem. But I will take your good advice and talk about it in terms of taking a break and trying to get healthier. I also found it really helpful that you wrote about feeling empowered in the last two weeks without big promises or seeming strong, but just trying to go forward in a humble way. I have so little trust in myself that taking that stance is the wisest one for me. Thank you for writing about it. Your honesty is wonderful. TS, I know you're right abut the three month goal. In truth, I think I am one of those people who should abstain for the rest of my life. I doubt I could ever drink in an ordinary way again. That said, the very idea of three months without alcohol seems like the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest. I know I'm to take it one day at a time, but it seems impossible. Maybe I am kidding myself about being ready? I truly don't want some sort of "hitting bottom" episode to make me do the work I need to do. I feel I've gone down far enough; my drinking has cost me plenty already. Thanks for your thoughts on this; any others you have are so very welcome. Your year of experience is truly helpful for me to hear about. Annes

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Annes,

Please do not feel bad about yourself. Life is hard, and we have more pressures and responsibilities than ever before. We are expected to be all things to all people and then when we try to deal with the stressors and end up over self-medicating we immediately beat ourselves up. I believe we end up this way because we are so desperate to zone out for a bit. Unfortunately sometimes it just gets away from us.

You’ll notice that I’ve been here for just over a year and it has been quite the struggle. But, I can tell you it has been worth it. I am finally to the point after many slips where I can actually have a few drinks with friends from time to time and stop. There is no way that I could have done that a year ago. I thought I would have to abstain forever especially when I tried to moderate the first few times.

I know things look overwhelming right now but know that it is possible for some of us to moderate after an extended period of excessive drinking. The biggest thing that worked for me was training myself to be mindful of my thoughts and feelings. Dissect the reason you want to drink especially if you’re alone. If it’s because you want to zone out, you’ll recognize that as a red flag. When I do have a drink I remind myself of what I’ve been through, how well I feel now and how I want to keep it that way. Do remember that to start you should try to abstain for about three months just to regroup. Coming here several times a day if possible and posting as much as you can will really help as well.

You can get control Annes, but it does take time, a ton of reading, possibly reinventing your eating and exercise habits and learning about other ways to deal with stress. Should you slip, take it in stride and try again. Denigrating yourself and being ashamed is simply counterproductive.

Glad you’re here!

P.S. Great post ND!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Annes,

Chance are your family already "knows" about your problem they just don't want to face it either. My experience has been that it's not something that can be hidden for very long. Once it gets out of control and you feel it's out of control---those that are close to you have figured it out. Now, with that said....I didn't have to tell my family. They got to witness me in dramatic self distruct mode. I went down in a blaze so to speak. I was at the end of my rope and I was screaming for help though not outloud. I couldn't face another day in the hell I had constructed for myself. And my family and close friends couldn't stand it either....so at the end they all talked and came at me with a very serious reaching out. I had to do something or Annes, I wouldn't be here today I know that.

Here's what I've found in my stuggles...when I was scared to face it and own it, it's because I wasn't done yet. When you think you still want to drink and you aren't ready to move on, you don't want to deal with it close to your heart it just hurts to much to face. When you are "done" and that lightening hits you, you don't care who knows because you cannot go back to the hell. I've been the most honest with my husband and best friends that I've ever been these last 2 weeks. No hiding and no false strength. It's a hard road but, I have to tell you that I feel so impowered and really it's a better life sober. You are an adult--just because others drink you don't have to. It's not good for you right now---maybe not again ever. You have to take care of yourself or you won't be there for your family. Drinking is a lonely thing. Its deceiving in that we feel like it makes us closer to our friends but, really it's polarizing (I don't know if I spelled that correctly--I'm a terrible speller!). Plus as I've always said----HANGOVERS SUCK! They just do.

Listen Annes, you don't have to have some confession. Just tell your family and husband that you are taking a break. That you feel like you've been drinking too much lately and you want to get healthy. That you don't feel like it right now. They will not judge you or mock you for not drinking. Probably will make them think about how much they drink and maybe they'll slow down or stop also. Point is that we are here and one of the great things about this site is you can be completely honest without fear of being judged and without fear of others finding out if you don't want them too. These are choices you get to make Anne. You are in control of this journey---we're here for you all the way. :=) Hang in there and be kind to yourself, please.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thanks, Jakelad, for reminding me that I am not alone. For the longest time I thought I could do this by myself, but using this site has helped me to realize that connecting with others on this road can really help. I hope it helps you too and that you are doing all right today. Nodrama, you are too, too right about the honesty issue. It's so very hard for me to be truthful with my husband about the degree of my drinking problem. I drink too much in plain sight, but no one seems to realize that it's way too much. I'm so ashamed about this. Sometimes, I can't believe this is actually where I find myself; this is not something I would have expected from myself in a thousand years. But that disbelief has helped me to be in denial for years about how much I actually drink and how much I seek oblivion. Were you able to be truthful with your husband and children? My family relies on me so much to be the strong, competent one that the thought of telling them I have a drinking problem just scares me to death. Yet I know you're right about this! Thank you for writing about it. It's important and you helped me look at it. Annes

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Annes!

Thank you so much for your kind words. We are all struggling against the same demon.

You are doing what you can to make a change in yourself. Stopping drinking is a hard decision to make and a hard resolve to keep. We start to feel better and then justify obliterating ourselves againb. It takes time and you will make new paths in your brain. You will gather strength from the postitive decisions you make. But--don't let a slip beat you down. We all have hiccups in our path. No one on here is without a struggle. Please don't beat yourself up---and I know that's difficult. I was the queen of self depreciation and finally I feel that I have put things into the right frame of mind to not do that to myself any longer. It makes me sad to read the sadness in your posts....because I have been that girl. It feels like a lonely place to be right now but, please know we are here for you and will be every step of the way! Hang in there Annes you can do this and you are the one in control. P.S. It's hard to tell people (husband included) that you feel like you have a problem. It feels very raw and super personal....but, you'll feel better if you have him on board with you. (just my opinion)

Take care of yourself!!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

Hi Annes.

I personally have to do whatever it takes to stay sober today. Booze stripped me of my self worth. Took me lower and lower till I was so beat down I had to ask for help. I had no choice but humble myself to accept the help that was given. Ego and fear had step aside. I use many tools, this site is one of them. Believe me you are not alone, it may feel like it but you are not. I was there not long ago right up till I knew I could not do it on my own anymore.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Thanks, Ashley. I am trying to focus on getting some exercise and putting positive effort and energy toward my body. I hope it can help me shift gears and do better when next weekend rolls around.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11218

Hi Annes,

I am sorry to read the despair you are feeling. It sounds like drinking has really hurt your self confidence. It is normal to feel very scared when trying to tackle this. Over-coming alcohol dependence is incredibly hard and sometimes it takes multiple attempts before one is successful. The important think is to keep trying. I think it is amazing that you posted here despite your fear. That takes courage!

You may be too scared to take the plunge today, so don't. Read, post here and continue to prepare. When you are ready we will be here to support you. What is one small step you can take now to move yourself forward?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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