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Am I just totally immature? Is this going to get easier?

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Am I just totally immature? Is this going to get easier?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 22

Hi Kez! I quit drinking on December 6, 4 weeks ago. I was a lot like you when it comes to family events - they are a big reason to get trashed. Actually, everything was a big reason to get trashed. After several blackouts and my kids telling me I was acting "very strange last night", I decided it was time to really quit. I've tried before, but this time I'm determined to stick to it. By the grace of God, I made it through Christmas without a drink, the first time in maybe 30 years! I spent NY Eve at home with my visiting parents, who no longer drink. I am still in shock that I've come this far, and I'm very proud of myself. No more hangovers, no more guilt, no more calling myself a loser and spending the day hating myself. I still get urges, though, sometimes they are very strong. One night it was so bad that I grabbed my kids' trampoline and just started jogging on it - hey, it actually helped ;)!!! Nights are the worst, but I line up activities for myself to do so that I'm distracted. I've also developed a habit of having some good tea at night (you should see the collection of teas I've created, lol). In 2 weeks I have a reunion to attend, which is being held at a bar. This will be a big test for me, but I tell myself I need to pass it, I don't have a choice. My kids are counting on me. Keep posting and reading the posts, stay busy, and if social events/family are of no help right now, try to avoid them until you feel stronger. That's what I am doing. This is our time to get healthy and take care of ourselves, it's ok to be selfish in order to do this :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

**feel lucky that you answered**

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Thank you TS, very, very much for every bit of your response. I always enjoy reading your posts and responses because it's obvious you have a way with words and a true understanding of these issues so I feel like that you answered. And I don't usually get tears in eyes at 8 AM.....you made me feel like I did the right thing. :)

It's taken me a long time to convince myself that my alcohol use (definitely a crutch) is a real problem, because both my family and my in-laws always drink a lot at social gatherings no matter what time of day, really, and they probably wouldn't even agree with me if I told them. So I'm on par with them, I must be ok. Thing is, I used to drink before, and after, alone, and think about it all the time. Alcohol wasn't a side effect of a social gathering, the social gathering centered around the alcohol.So even if it might not look like I'm any different than anyone else I need to remind myself of this and keep up my resolve. It really pissed me off when she offered the 14 year old a beer but she never would have understood why I thought she was stupid for doing it. Ugh. My mom was emotionally absent/distracted from my life because of her own stresses starting when I was about 11, I put up big walls, and I've always had this (annoying) yearning to find a "mom" in my life - one who could have supported me unconditionally, one who emulated the things I wanted to do and be, and one who could see me when I couldn't see so well myself. I need to let go of that because I'm a mom myself now, take care of myself, and not be bothered and disappointed by this person anymore, I know that, but it's tough because that yearning is a part of me and the let- down I feel runs deeper than I can readily control.

Thank you for strengthening my resolve, TS. The greatest things things in life are always the hardest to get through- I've run marathons and bungee jumped, this is no different, just more private. I woke up this morning with a million thoughts going through my head. I'd momentarily forgotten that I wasn't going to be hungover this morning - it was kind of the same feeling as waking up on a holiday and realizing you don't have to go to work ;)

Thank you.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Kez,

Be proud of yourself! In one night you did some significant rewiring. No pre party cocktail, no booze during and you held it together while being forced to endure the less than “motherly” antics executed by your confidant.

Offering a beer to a fourteen year old is irresponsible and illegal. Can’t imagine what was going through that woman’s mind…ridiculous! Glorifying inebriation is like singing the praises of stupidity because that’s what getting drunk is really about, paralyzing/killing brain cells and just getting stupid.

I suspect the reason that your confidant was so unsympathetic is because she saw herself in your concerns and didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that perhaps she too has a problem with alcohol. It makes people uncomfortable to examine something they enjoy as something they abuse to the point of being harmful. That’s maybe why she took the opposite approach. By offering a drink to a 14 year old she was attempting to demonstrate that alcohol is so harmless that a child can drink it. Her assertion that getting drunk is such fun, again, is an attempt to make alcohol appear to be simply an amusing and enjoyable distraction. She acknowledged your concerns Kez, she just didn’t want to deal with her own misgivings.

We start off with alcohol, a legal mind altering drug, in the hopes that it will relax us and that it will enhance our perception of enjoyment especially in stress provoking situations. True, that several drinks, may do just that. Unfortunately for many of us, it becomes a crutch and it eventually hobbles us.

Please never feel as though anything you post is too long. How else can you express yourself in a way that people will understand unless you explain your thoughts? Kez, you did well at the gathering and people do understand you. We understand you. Going against a family tide is difficult and finding your own comfort zone can be a trial. It does get easier though and with time your resolve will become second nature. Remember to cut yourself some slack though. If you do slip, move on as every alcohol free day does count.

We are here for you!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Sorry.. the end of that post was to thank those who read my rant for being the people who have allowed me to feel like I'm able to share my journey with someone.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Went to a family dinner at my in-laws' tonight - one of my biggest anxiety provoking scenarios (big group of happy outgoing people + close knit family), and a scenario for which I've been drinking at least 3 glasses of wine prior to leaving my house followed by free flowing alcohol all night (and often not ending well) for the last 10 years. If I can get through this without alcohol I can get through almost anything, so I made that commitment. I fought the urge to drink while getting ready, fought the urge to chug from a bottle of wine right before we walked out the door and showed up sober for the the first time in a long time ( most likely the first time ever).

Made it through the night alcohol free, didn't get any big urges and watched everyone around me have prob. anywhere between 5 and 8 glasses of wine each + beer, + bourbon. So that's positive. Left the room when they started dancing and singing like crazies in the living room (don't like dancing but also not good with that close knit corny tv family type stuff). I felt like I was on the outside looking in, all night. Nobody talked specifically to me because I wasn't my open (alcohol influenced) self. I felt so alone. I tried to participate but I was so fidgety and nervous I couldn't even listen to what people were saying properly so I had trouble engaging in conversation. When I'm sober, it's like i'm constantly trying to grab onto something for safety, but there isn't anything to grab on to.

Please excuse the temporary pity party, but it reinforced the way I always feel in social situations (particularly family) without alcohol : insignificant, utterly unlovable, unimportant, boring, hopeless, stupid, nothing, nobody. On the bright side, my husband was by my side more than usual because he saw me turn down alcohol (a shocking and unlikely thing for Kez to do), and I didn't have to worry about drinking around my 3 year old because I didn't drink anything. I'm proud of those things but I still feel sad and numb,

The one person I'd confided in about my worries and concerns about alcohol and about the way I think in general (a mom type figure) didn't say a word. Didn't even recognize that I wasn't drinking. Or if she did, didn't acknowledge it. She did, however, ask my husband in front of me if the beer she chose was a "good kind", offered the 14 year old a beer as soon as she got there (she's a smart kid and said no thanks) and glorified being drunk several times thru the night all right in front of me. That caused a lot of pain... as if all the things I'd opened up to her about meant nothing and being "cool" was surpassed the importance of being supportive.

Is is totally pathetic that I just had that pity party? How do I tell myself that all this pain is worth it when it distances me from my family and they just keep on drinking and laughing? Also, is it totally pathetic that one of the things that made me think about drinking the most tonight was watching and listening to the person I'd confided in (and trusted, which doesn't happen with very many people) be herself and make me feel like my concerns about alcohol didn't matter? I'm too old to expect somebody to take care of me, I know that, but I've felt alone for a very long time so admittedly I'm a bit needy. Am I being totally self absorbed? Like, instead of wrestling with this, do I need to start working on "getting over myself"?

Tonight was really hard on me emotionally. I should be happy I accomplished my goal, Instead I feel empty and alone and like I'm fighting a battle nobody close to me will ever know about or understand. WILL THIS GET EASIER????? I'm really hoping to wake up tomorrow and feel proud of myself.

Again I apologize for the pity party and for the lengthy post; but for

Reading this thread:

Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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Am I just totally immature? Is this going to get easier?