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First days alcohol free

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Thank you and I understand what you mean. I'm not quite sure why you keep saying I am doing this on willpower alone. Yes, it takes resolve to stop drinking, however, I have worked extremely hard at resolving the real motivators that drove my drinking problem. I think very differently now and have developed the much-needed coping skills that diffuse and address the stress and anxiety that contributed to drinking. The term "dry drunk" is a term that I find somewhat disconcerting because it is defines someone who's original problems continue to exist and are left unaddressed. Unaddressed underlying problems will eventually catch up with a person who is battling an alcohol abuse issue and that is why I post as much as I do about rewiring our minds and dealing with the underlying trauma's, dysfunctional thinking patterns, and maladaptive coping strategies that fuel the addictive state. Suppressing them through will power is not a long term solution because they will ultimately rear their ugly heads. Take our exchanges for instance...prior to me quitting and addressing these thinking habits I would have internalized the negativity and used it to fuel my drinking. That is a thing of the past now. You have your opinion I have mine.

BTW, when I quit I took that very test you outlined below and I scored 19 out 20. I was in a bad state. I took that same test again a couple of months ago and applied it to my current state and I score 0. People can change their thinking and resolve their problems. This is just a fact of life. Our brains are wired to constantly change and need not remain in a permanent state. It's called neuroplasticity and its and proven fact. If we understand how we develop habits and how we naturally cope with stress and anxiety it becomes very obvious that alcohol abuse is an unnatural problem that develops in a very understandable and natural way. That is why I have complete faith and confidence others can do the same as I have. We are both proof of neuroplasticity and the capacity to relearn and rewire and overcome this challenge. I just did mine in a way that differs from yours. Understand though, I work to improve a develop everyday. It's become a process I embrace and enjoy and, when I discover something new, I share it.

All the best,'

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

Hi Dave, I assumed that you where sober longer, no offence, I just thought you had more time AF. Much longer then I so no offence at all. Just didn't know. Life AF free is grand. A friend was sober for 17 months on will power alone. He now refers that time as him being a "Dry Drunk". His life was a total mess because all he did was take away the booze. Nothing changed. One night people placed and things got to him and decided to get good and drunk and then take his life. Luck was in his side and his attempt failed. Now he is on the mend and is 8 years sober. I tell you this because booze is cunning baffling and powerful. For some it is too much. For you Dave I hope your will power is strong. I really do. With all due respect I never give advise I simply tell what happened to me. Advise is not the AA way. We relate rather then compare. Have a sober night.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

cont'd........

So in essence, you've done some rewiring of your brain through your 12 step program, just as I have following my own path. If you can't fathom how I can achieve success based on my previous drinking history, that's ok because neither can the couple of friends I've made from AA either, who I might add don't ever behave in the way you guys do. I can't understand why you do what you do either. You talk about me giving bad advice, well, take some of your own and don't read it.

Can we stop now please because I'm sure we're giving everyone here a "flat tire" with this me vs you 2 stuff.......

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Here we go......

" But for the new comer I feel sorry for them, to be approached with closed minded advise such as "get a hobby" or "Use will power" or "a few drinks is not a relapse" in my mind will only hinder the true alcoholic for recovery....."

So I'm closed-minded am I? Coming from you, well that doesn't really hold much weight. Please don't take snippets of posts that I have made and string them together as if I'm minimizing the gravity of someone's problem, especially a newcomer, and that this is a set of suggestions I am making as a means of quitting. This condescending rhetoric has got to stop.

Yes, we all admit we have or are dealing with an alcohol abuse problem. It is entirely your right to stand up and proclaim "I am Bert and I am an alcoholic". I quit 16 months ago now after an alcohol abuse problem that was extensive and lasted a very long time, longer than yours. I don't consider myself an alcoholic now and I really don't see the point of constantly drilling the idea that I am into my subconscious mind on a daily basis and have it validated by a room full on people with drinking problems. I used to behave like an alcoholic, however, I do not do that anymore. So what if I don't drink. Lots of my friends don't really drink and the ones that do don't care if I drink. The ones that do care, well, I lost interest in hanging out with them. I embrace this new phase of my life. I was very methodical and diligent in how I quit. Labelling, one the most destructive dysfunctional thinking habits, is something I strongly advise against doing. Constantly imprinting my personal belief system with labels such as diseased, powerlessness, alcoholic, allergy, and definitive results of relapse doesn't work for me. I had a drinking problem. That need not be permanent. And before you start on about this "Now I think I can drink like a normal person" stuff, let me re-affirm....I don't drink. It doesn't work for me. I had my fun now I'm living a new chapter in my life and it doesn't include drinking. I have no desire to get hammered because that's not who I am anymore. So I guess you could say I'm a normal person who chooses not to drink.

As to the hobby thing.......is there something wrong with exploring new pursuits in life to expand one's horizons? A common sentiment I hear when someone is quitting being bored and restless. Not sure how you can consider being bored a "spiritual"malady". When my kids sayy "'m bored" I tell them to go find something to do and stop complaining. Or I say "Hey, let's go do something together!". Well since you're straight and can operate a motor vehicle without being a danger to everyone around you, go try something new. Get out of your comfort zone and try that thing you were afraid to try before. That will asset in rewiring your brain. How you can paint that with a negative brush is beyond me......

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

In essence, this is an AA meeting site. People with a "drinking Problem" sharing with others in a common goal to stay sober. IN ESSANCE that is what goes on in an AA meeting and essentially happens here also. Choose what path you want. But for the new comer I feel sorry for them, to be approached with closed minded advise such as "get a hobby" or "Use will power" or "a few drinks is not a relapse" in my mind will only hinder the true alcoholic for recovery. Ya there maybe another way beside AA but none of them have over 4 million success stories. None of them have members with 50 years sobriety helping the new comer. Till another recovery program has this I will continue "BB thumping". Why? because I want to stay sober today and to do so means to help others in recovery. There is no program here, simply a bunch that want to stay sober. I will continue to offer my story to anyone that wants to hear it. I respect everyone's sobriety. The new comer needs facts and I will give them as see it.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I agree this is a non-AA related site and I respect that. And that is one of the main reasons I don't get tangled with posts that doesn't need my input. I mainly focus on sharing my experience with a new comer coming on board.

I want to leave this spiritual axiom for everyone to consider:

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

No Bert, this is definitely not an AA meeting site. Please don't treat it as such. There are many AA meeting sites on the web, this is not one of them and frankly you 2 need to slow down with the book thumping. If you want to subscribe to AA go for it. There is one modicom of respect that has been granted to you and that is that we don't dissect AA and all the various aspects about the program and its founder. So why not come up with responses that demonstrate an open-minded consideration to the psychology of this problem and alternative angles of resolution, rather than constantly quoting from a bible of AA? As to ignoring the posts from you guys, it's kind of hard not to read them and not become fatigued by the repetitive nature of the message. I would welcome some alternative insights from you.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Dave,

Like I posted on another post, I don't get involved in responding to people whom I know are not receptive to AAa ideology. Even on this thread you will see, it was a thread started by a newcomer. Its you, who has taken it personal. So I wanted to give a gentle reminder. We all can co-exist. I have never condemed other programs out there either. I always share, AA was the last block for me and if someone after trying all the other options and left with nothing but AA, could benifit from it, it will be great. if not, absolutely no problem.

If you can't reconcile with what i say or quote you are most welcome to not even read it. I wont get offended at all.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 315

In essence, this is an AA meeting site. People with a "drinking Problem" sharing with others in a common goal to stay sober. In a live meeting of AA I meet "alcoholics" that care about my sobriety, some I like and some I don't "principals before personalities". These people really care, why do they? Because hearing about my issues helps them out of being selfish, reminds them how bad boozing was, shows them that fellowship works. I rather enjoy the social. I have met some great friends there, my old friends all disappeared when I stopped boozing. AA meetings are also a humbling experience, My name is Bert, member of the live and let live group and I am an ALCOHOLIC. Takes guts say it. When you become humble it is easier to really admit you have a problem and that something needs to be done. Admitting this is the first step. The steps have very little to do about drinking. They are there to help live well. This alcoholic would lie even if the truth would do. I would steal the from anyone I thought wouldn't notice, I cheated, I neglected my responsibilities. With the steps I have rules to live by and a fellowship to answer to. For this alcoholic 25 years I left a title wave of destruction behind me with selfish ways, now I have new friends that care, a good social life and I try to do the next right thing. I have rebuild my relationship with my kids, I have a great woman, my career is back on track I can actually look in the mirror and like the person I see. The AA way is attraction rather then promotion. If you want we have I can tell you what I did to get it. If you think you know another way, I wish you all the luck in the world. I wish everyone a sober today.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Foxman, it would be in the best interests of those here if you emailed me directly to express your opinion and dispense your advice as this is getting somewhat personal. I fully expect those here have the intelligence and capacity to do a simple Google search to form their own educated opinion as to the positives and negatives of AA. If you read my posts I encourage people to find the resources that speak to them, whether that is AA, SMART Recovery, HARM, Rational Recovery, or one of my personal favourites this very site. I don't resent AA or you for that matter. Not everyone can relate to your program. They need to update the material.

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