I got this from Power of now, where ET talks about the true meaning of surrender:

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And in AA we just do that, we accept the condition that we can't handle it, mentally and physically and then put forth a rigorous course of action, and we get the power to live a life without a need for external substance.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I am pulling myself together dusting off and marching onward. I just wish I could take it back. 

We need to look at our situations from all angles. The key problem with what you describe is not the fact that you did this, it's the fact that you want to test your family to validate what you are doing by quitting and you can trust them. You are on the right track, for sure, however we need to be forgiven and accepted unconditionally and we will test that to the Nth degree if it isn't acknowledged. So here you are making massive progress and now you are feeling you threw it all away because you've disappointed someone outside of yourself (and yourself too but you are going through a process of really getting to know yourself)......How would you feel if they had said "I understand honey, and I accept you for exactly who you are. It's ok to make mistakes. Forget about it and move on. Water off a ducks back." That gives you space to forgive and accept yourself. You are working so hard to make a difference for yourself and your family but is it completely unconditional on both sides? Is this type of unconditional forgiveness a problem in your environment? Do you feel it is possible to share your feelings and thoughts on this idea with your family? Here's what made a difference for me....When I had my last binge I realized I was hurting my family and I went to them individually and told them that they were much more important than drinking and I was going to quit because my relationship with them was too important to me to jeopardize and I was sorry for the problems the drinking was causing. And as I was sharing my thoughts on this and making that commitment to myself it gave the ones most important the chance to "Ok, thank you, I love you, let's move on". One of those people said to me "I love you too much to much to let this get in our way. Forget about it. Let's move on." Forget about it! Unconditional forgiveness, just like that. I had never experienced that and also the fact that I had to accept their trust unconditionally. Trust has always been a huge problem for me and I would do things to ensure I didn't have to take that chance of trusting someone because I didn't want to be hurt and trusting people can be a dangerous and hurtful thing. Does that make sense? Yet it was that one act of unconditional trust and forgiveness that literally ripped down that wall because I had to take a chance to trust them and it's made all the difference. When we can trust others with our hearts we can learn to trust ourselves. 

ND, you have been through so much during your life yet you still continue to strive to better yourself. Well done! I really admire that and when I think of what describe I think "Yep, that's normal. Forget about it. Water off a ducks back." You have no reason in the world to be ashamed. You are much more important than to let something like this define you and your progress. You're not letting anyone down here. People make mistakes and if you think you've got the market cornered on that then let's compare notes because I bet your life may seem pretty normal! :) Since I have quit I have spoken to people who are dealing with someone close to them who is struggling with addiction and they said "I told them that if it happens again they are out! That's it!". That is unconditional rejection and that will never work. Rejection is part of the problem! Trust, forgiveness, and unconditional love and support will do wonders. "Water off a ducks" ND. Taking a match to so much progress instantly is extreme, black and white thinking is it not? 

All the best ND. Today is a new day. 

Dave