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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Dave,

How do you look at things from opposit directions? It's hard to see past where one is at the time. Can you offer more in depth insight on that please?

I unfortunately tend to be impulsive. I do get the highs and lows and extreme thinking is a problem for me yes. I've been working on my verbage to take out "always" and "never" etc....I've been trying to react to situation with a calm. It's difficult. I'm impatient by nature but very goal oriented. So I'm driven to make this situation be "fixed" and quickly! Extreme thinking.

My daughter thinks I am being effected by the moon. Very sweet of her to say that. We are all back on good terms. Such is the dance of addiction. I told her I didn't think it was the moon I think it was me making a bad life choice---but that I'm back. And it kind of feels like I am.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Great responses Swig! Very insightful, positive, and helpful.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

Great attitude. A setback is all that it is, nothing more. One challenge we have, as you have correctly pointed out, is stuffing our feelings. This is one of the reasons working on assertiveness is so important. We don't want to feel like a sacrificial lamb all the time. We need to learn to handle life's challenges differently. What a great privilege that is.....unfortunately people don't realize that so be grateful you have the opportunity to change and take control on your terms. Something I found I needed to change, and it may not apply to you, is managing the emotional highs and emotional lows by finding a middle ground. Feeling really high high and really low is reflective of extreme thinking habits. By coming at things from opposite angles is a good exercise to get into a different perspective.

Great work ND!

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi All! I have been thinking about my setback non stop over the last 24 hours. I believe that it was building up as I look back I was having urges as I had posted but perhaps wasn't dealing with them as well as I should but I was just pushing them back down. I need to resolve to slow down and spend more time reading and studying and posting so to stay on top of this process. I do realize it was a setback not catastrophe. (Although it felt like it yesterday). I am also not going to use this as an excuse to give up. I am bruised from this but not battered. Hard to hold my head up and look my kids in the eye....but I love them so much and I love being sober.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Sometimes it is easy to tell our love ones what they like to hear or what we assume they like to hear, just to put their minds at ease. When we make commitments or promises without fully considering or anticipating all the challenges, obstacles, implications, effort, and energy required to maintain those promises, it can easily result in disappointment and a loss of trust when a curve ball gets thrown our way. When we make promises and commitments to others, we are then obligated to follow through. Do we set the bar too high? Making promises like “I’ll never drink again” or “I’ll never lie to you again” are probably a bit more than most can actually deliver, especially early in sobriety.

Even though I’ve only been alcohol free for a little more than 2 weeks (longest in 20+ yrs), I am very hesitant to set any goals beyond my original plan of taking back control. I talked with my family and simply announced that I have quit drinking (and quit smoking). I did not set any limitations; just let them know that I am determined to put my energy and effort into remaining quit. Life with alcohol was my norm and I am very familiar with that place. Life without alcohol is very much outside my norm and it’s going to take a lot of getting-used-to. I am not in a position to make promises or long term commitments; I am contented to be sober NOW and I have no plans to return to my old norm. Thus far I like where I’m to; I am enjoying me much more NOW.

Swig

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

ND,

If you are still obsessing for more alcohol, its quite normal. If it gets to un-bearable and you don't want to drink, you may want to consider re-hab, I am sure your companys insurance will be accommodating it. Once the obsession gets lifted, you may consider a path for your permanent recovery.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 94

Hi ND!!!!!!!!

I've only been able to breeze over all of this and should probably refrain from coming on here when I don't have the peace and quiet to read everything in detail. However..... for the time being I just wanted to say that I've quietly watched and read your progress (I read all the forums) since you joined here and have truly admired your ego strength and your dedication. You persistence on this site alone shows you determination to abstain from alcohol, and recent setback doesn't change that. You recently posted that you'd been feeling urges lately, do you think it can be all strung together? I believe it's very much the same with depression as it is with alcohol - little things happen; little thoughts, etc., that you might try to quash, but that continue to sit around in your unconscious waiting for the right moment to pounce. In any case I hope to take the time to read through all these posts but for now just want to throw in my support. Continue to move forward - in the grand scheme you have made nothing but PROGRESS. This does not negate that fact. I'll suggest you are in a much different place than you were when you joined here and that you'll bounce right back from this. xo!

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

It's easy to understand they might think that way. I don't know the details of your history, however, I highly doubt it is worse than mine or any others on this site. We all have our moments we'd rather forget. There is one thing I've learned since I've embarked on this journey and that's no one is perfect, even if they don't have a drinking problem. Everyone has dysfunctional tendencies and habits. One of those is communication skills like honesty, assertiveness, and empathy. Don't be afraid to tell them, "I'm sorry for making a mistake. I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else. I'm doing my best to resolve and it takes time and I'm relying on you for support...". Let them speak as well, don't argue because everyone is entitled to their opinion. Learn to practice calm assertiveness. It really helps. That assertiveness extends to speaking to yourself.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

ND,

There is Al-Anon for spouses and Al-Teen for teenagers. Sister fellowships to suppor the friends and family of people like this. If they understand the powerlessness, they will much undestand your situation. Until then they are going to consider you treat you like this. The is going to be friction in your relationship if they are not educated in what they are dealing with.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

I think for my family it just brought back up all the really really bad nights. This morning I was told they are disgusted, disappointed and mad. I understand that. They feel like we are getting ready to head back down the road we came off of. I can assure them I'm not relapsing(I hate that term--makes it sound like cancer) but they are like prove it or look what u did. U drank again and u promised u wouldn't because u love us so much. Breaks me up.

But I'm more determined than ever. Today is a new day, you are right.

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