It's actually A two day event. Lots of drinks will be served and I am freaking out a little.
If you can confide with some close friends of yours who will be at the party, it will help. Also if you have friends in AA, have there phone numbers. I know at the early goings its going to be tough, this is the best option you have. Later on you may want to get a sponsor and start working the 12 steps, then you could experience all the promises the program has to offer. Like you will be a free woman and can visit anywhere you wish without the fear of picking up a drink.
Dave, I think you are right on and it makes sense. I am guilty of catastrophic thoughts for sure. I always expect the worst. Low self worth also feeds my addiction. And "mind reading". So yes, all that is helping me be paranoid and defensive . Today I felt offended when my husband questioned me after going to the grocery store. I realize i was letting mind reading run the show. I can't blame him. I deserve the questions and am thankful to be held accountable.
Foxman---that quote really touched me and moved me to tears. It's so true and I have been guilty of being over confident and thinking "this time will be different" that is so me that it's frightening. I have read it over and over again trying to commit it to memory.
I appreciate the wisdom very much!
Which brings me to this coming weekend---I have a huge dinner party to go to. It's actually A two day event. Lots of drinks will be served and I am freaking out a little. I am making it into a catastrophe already and worried that I will behave badly and ruin the event for my husband and myself---and the other people at our table etc. we have to go there is no way around it.
I am a little worried though because i've been AF before and fallen back into the trap.
Because of the queer mental twist we have developed over a period of time, our mind convinces us that this time its going to be different. It would lure us into believing that we are just going to have 1 or 2 drinks not more. Once we succumb to that thought, we take that first drink. And because of the allergy (a physical craving) that sets in after we take that first drink we get drunk. This is one of the main reasons an alcoholic can never moderate. The only option for people like us is total abstinence.
Yo asked "You said the anxiety of withdrawal is not based on reality....do you think that includes the paranoia I mentioned earlier? Does that go away?...."
Interesting question.......Yes, you'll feel a lot better once you detox and everything isn't magnified out of sensible proportion but often the paranoia existed before the drinking, along with all the other dysfunctional ways to think and cope with life that generate our own stress. So I guess we have to ask "Why am I paranoid" or "Why do I feel different in a bad way...". Are we worried about being judged (a symptom of perfectionism which can lead to stress of procrastination). Or maybe we can't find it in ourselves to communicate with our significant other about emotional needs or we lack assertiveness. Maybe we "mind read" and generate all sorts of anticipatory anxiety that simply doesn't exist. This combinations can be endless and is unique to the individual. The interesting thing is that these thinking patterns and maladaptive coping strategies are consistent for everyone, not just drinkers. Let's say we habitually practice a few.....mind-reading ("I know she''ll\ he'll do that"), black and white thinking ("It is this way or that way" with no room for consideration) and catastrophizing ("I know this weekend will suck because they are going to be there")....Habits like this generate a lot of stress and anxiety and we victimize ourselves during the day with that type of thinking and certainly effects sleep. Add in daily life, rush hour traffic, etc, etc....and the cumulative effect is "I need relief". Drinking provided that relief. I found myself doing it the other day, anticipating a bad interaction with someone based on a previous experience. I could feel the stress of seeing this person again and I was "mind reading" the situation and catatrophizing. I realized I had a choice and chose to re-frame the meeting and seeing it as pleasant, friendly and productive. I did this a few times and now when I think about it I feel much better. I guess my point is, it's usually all in our head. Not saying you suffer from these thinking habits, just that they contribute to the over-all problem.
I think I've rambled a bit here NB and gone a little bit farther than your original question :)
Hi everyone! Thanks for the posts about withdrawal. I am feeling 100% better. More energy, better sleep and I'm smiling again and feeling sharp again. I am a little paranoid that everyone is thinking "is she drinking? Is that why she's so happy?" but, other than that it's good.
Foxman--i love the quote from AA. That is right on. We drink because we like the effects...but that's only until we don't like the effects and by then it's too late! Each day that I get further away it gets better and better. I am a little worried though because i've been AF before and fallen back into the trap. Once for over a year and I am embarassed to admit that. I can't believe I fell back in after I felt then I had a new life and would never go back. So I worry that will happen again. This time I am reminding myself I am in control. I have a choice and I was dying from the drinking.
Dave848---You said the anxiet of withdrawal is not based on reality....do you think that includes the paranoia I mentioned earlier? Does that go away?
Again thanks everyone for the input....I am so lucky to have found you all and found this site and I look forward to getting to know you better.
Withdrawal symptoms can vary
greatly depending on how long you drank, how much you drank and other
factors. You should start to feel better soon though. You also likely used
alcohol as a coping mecanism. You may want to start practicing new
coping strategies. Drinking water and breathing are important. Also try
exercise; even a short walk or quick dance around the house can have
positive effects. Are there any other coping strategies you think you
could try? Practice them now, when you need them and then you will have them
in your arsenal for years to come!
Thank u all for the insight. My AV gets stronger when I'm stressed and also when I feel great-oddly. But as far as crabby days go, I can't wait to get back to me. I'm a really upbeat person normally but this has grabbed hold of me.
TS, I was reading your blog last night and something u said has really stuck with me and I think will help with irritability and frustration.....u said something about alcohol being so glamorous. I remembered when I started drinking I felt kind of like that with a glass of wine or martini in my hand. BOY OH BOY what an illusion that is.
Anyway, back to my shortness and lack of patience with people. I sure hope it goes away this week because I hate it and can't seem to stop it. I have been breathing and drinking gallons of water. I feel in control until my husband reminds me I'm not....then I get irritable!
After I entered the fellowship of AA back in 2006, i ran into the book called Alcoholics Anonymous. What I found in the Doctors Opinion really resonated with my experience. In that chapter the doctors says the following:
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
I had to embrace the 12 steps to achieve the psychic change the doc talks about. Once in a while I do get irritable (like yesterday after a 36 hour journey from my homeland to the US) but i just take a deep dive into the steps again to live at peace.
For me the irritability lasted a good two weeks. But as Rob noted, this too shall pass. I was lucky (well kinda, sorta) in that I'm alone so there was no one to suffer the brunt of it. Your AV will attempt to give you all kinds of reasons to have a drink. You, of course know where that will lead and do you really want to start over? Because, you will eventually, only you'll be that much more annoyed with yourself. Tough it out, do your deep breathing exercises, drink tons of water, go for walks, eat healthy food if possible (you likely still crave sugar, it'll pass) watch funny shows, read, do whatever it takes to distract yourself. Before you know it a month will have passed and so will that aggravation.
Remember that you are the one who is in control of how you think. If you don't like what you're thinking about, change it.
Usually after the first week you'll feel yourself begin to rebalance itself mentally and physically. It's really important to stay focused and get past the first week. he anxiety of withdrawal is not based in reality so get those thoughts out of your mind.
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