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How to say "no"

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Heather,

Who says you have to miss anything? Why not go and bring a bunch of .5% coolers or de-alcoholized beer. You are still enjoying the antics, you're still drinking just like everyone else, you're just not getting drunk. Sounds like you're a lot more fun sober anyway. This way, you'll be the one doing the nudge, wink the following day.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I fear missing the excitement and fun. When really most of the time I can only remember half of my night.

Thats the insanity. I was in the same boat. I would always have few beers going into parties, drink more during the party. Never could get it RIGHT. Later on reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous I realized as an alcoholic I can never safely drink. And the worse part is, I cannot keep from drinking, my mind would always trick me into believing that I could handle a drink or two. And I was restless, irritable and discontented all the time. The book talks about when the spiritual malady (irritability, restlessness and discontentedness) is overcome, we straighten out mentally (Obsession) and physically (the craving). We overcome the malady in AA by working the 12 steps with the help of a sponsor.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

Hi all, thank you so much for your suggestions and input. I truly appreciate it. The hardest part I find is the fear of missing out on a party or get together. As much as I try to convince myself not to bring alcohol, I still do. And sometimes when I say I'll only have 2-4 drinks I exceed that. I fear missing the excitement and fun. When really most of the time I can only remember half of my night.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Heather,

Welcome and thanks for sharing!

The members have given some really good tips and advice, take what you need and keep it close. Congrats on your first personal goal!

Take some you time for preparation, soul searching and just plain relaxing without the college friends. Be the driver, leave early, be the chaperon or body guard or just stay home!

The video taping idea is a great eye opener for you and it might drive home what your friends are saying to you.

Post with us, ask questions, let us listen!

Josie, Health Educator

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Heather,

So happy you’ve decided to join us. I’m really impressed that you are looking for help as it indicates a maturity beyond your years. I too was a mean and unhappy drunk at your age. I would start off fine but as the number of drinks increased my positive and happy mood decreased to the point where I would just get nasty and incredibly stupid. May have been precipitated by unresolved childhood issues or that alcohol simply created a terrible imbalance in my brain, point is, I wasn’t fun to be around in those days once I was drunk. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop me. In retrospect, if I knew then what I know now…

I really like Dave’s idea in that it will help you see yourself as others see you. May I add that it should be done surreptitiously if possible, to get a true perspective. In the interim you can check out youtube for drunks in action. Ask yourself if that’s how you want others to see you.

You’re young Heather, don’t spend your life creating the kind of regret so many of us have.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 252

Hallo Heather.

It is very good that you are reaching out of your own accord.

With problem drinking there are probably two key indicitators (and I am not saying this applies to you)

Finiding it fiddicult to abstain from drinking for a period
Limiting the amount consumed when one does drink

There are many many people who fall into this category.

The college seen is extremely difficult if you suffer from the above.

However, there is endless help out there (and here).

But it requirese willingness

There are solutions, and here is a good start.

All the best if this is a journey your require to take.

Take care,

Rob 09

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Heather,

Welcome to the site. Well done on accomplishing your first goal of not drinking by yourself. Being in college it's really tough because so much of the lifestyle is centred around drinking and pubs. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, it's an incubator for problems that will escalate to the point where many of us find ourselves now. You are so fortunate that you're addressing this today and working on dealing with it. Hindsight being 20/20 I wish I could pass of what I know and have seen to help change your view. I've lost more than a few friends to drinking, some likely your age because it was during the college years. That being said, what I found has worked for me was to work through it in my mind ahead of time and prep for the event. You really have to want to change to make it work and it sounds like you do. You will likely find it uncomfortable with it's own share of anxiety and you really have to ask yourself "Why?" There is always a reason somewhere, however, if you do find yourself caught up in the moment and drinking, do some planning ahead time. Ask your close friend who is being honest with you to take her iPhone and video you next time it happens so you can see what you really look like really drunk and acting up. I often think of how I would of changed my perspective, had I seen what I looked like in that state. That would be the reality check. Imagine that and it just may be enough to keep you in line.

Personally, I found crowds and social situations really uncomfortable when I was younger and the (excessive) drinking relieved the stress and social anxiety. Unfortunately what I really needed to address were the root causes.

I hope this helps Heather. You have your entire life ahead of you. I really admire what an incredibly short person you are for addressing this now. Good for you! Hope to help any way possible.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

I am a young woman attending college. One of my biggest problems is that my friends who are close frequently tell me "you're a different person when you drink". They tell me I get mean and a lot angrier. Also that "you're not the person I like when you drink too much". One thing I struggle with is limiting myself when I do go out to a party or a bar, I have reached my goal of not drinking by myself. However, I still struggle with when I go out and when to stop myself or if I should say no in general to going out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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How to say "no"