Keeping up your diary is a fabulous way to stay accountable to yourself. The constant reminders of the reasons you want to stay sober will help immensely. Just make a point of reading your notes every time you feel the need or urge for a drink. I have just started a blog so that I know it's not only my eyes watching my progress. I wish you all the luck in your new found sobriety and know you will embrace many rewards as time puts distance between you and the past.
I have never written in a journal/diary before in my life but I have just started to. I can't believe how the words are flowing out of me. I have never really had anybody I could fully confide in so I would bottle a lot of things up until the damn would finally burst. I like how I'm able to get things off my mind by writing things down.
Keeping a journal makes sure that this issue stays in the front of my mind and not something I will push to the back and forget ever happened. I know it's very early but I already feel liberated and that steps I'm taking are going to make a difference in the quality of life for me and my family. Head up and march on!
I've actually started my plan already. What i know i need is a plan. What i've done at this point was write down about 6 pages outlining why I drink, what problem drinking has cost me, identified trigger situations and feelings that may lead me to drinking and what the benefits of quitting drinking are. I have also apologized to some friends for acting like an idiot at times and i've also told some friends ( and some family) i may not be around for a bit because im trying to eliminate situations that i have identified as trigger situations.
Now i'm back at home and I don't think i've ever held my kids tighter! My wife and I have talked and seem to be willing to make things work. I am however being very careful not to go back to getting to comfy to soon as I know even though things are a bit better at the moment, I can't forget what got me in the situation in the first place.
I can tell you really want this change. It sounds like you have a lot to motivate you also. It takes a lot to get to the point you are now. You sounds to be accountable and this is the first, most difficult step, to positive change. You may not be able to believe this now but you have one lucky family to have a father/husband who is willing to face this head on. Feel proud for getting started!
What's your first step? How do you plan to get started?
Welcome to the site. It sounds like you're ready to make a positive change and it's unfortunate to hear that it has taken it to the point where the drinking has created this much turmoil. You've struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time. Have you had addressed those issues or are you trying to control them with alcohol? Many do. What makes you think you have a decease? You sound like you were drinking like I was and reached the same point as I did but you're also a lot younger than I am. You have your whole life to look forward to. Be careful as to what you buy into when dealing with a problem like this. A lot of people like to call this a "decease" and we could debate it to the Nth degree. Yes, you have a control problem when it comes to drinking and, based on your anxiety and depression, it's a bad plan medicate yourself with alcohol as a relief mechanism. Hey, if you want to believe it that's your business and you're entitled to your opinion. You may want to take a step back, stop drinking, and educate yourself before you come to any conclusions and define yourself with such a definitive label.
Now that you've had a couple of days to think about it and make a decision, what's your plan now? Here's what I did when I hot the same wall you have here.....I told those in my family that I was quitting, that they were so much more important than drinking and the choice was easy, and I was deeply sorry for putting them through the stress of it. And you know what? They were happy and relieved, and very supportive and forgiving and life has been a million times better ever since. You may want to consider doing the same if you haven't.
All the best Yakob. Stick around. You're not alone in this.
Hey Yakob,
I am right there with you and luckily my wife has helped me realize that I needed to change as well. I have been on here a month and it has really helped. Hope it can help you as well.
Everything you are feeling and going through I have felt and still feel so I completely understand. you have realized that you cannot drink normally and thats how you make the change i suppose...when we realize we have a problem .
I'm a husband to a remarkable wife and father to two amazing boys under the age of 5. I have dealt with anxiety issues and depression since I was a teenager (now 31). I know I am a great guy at heart but I have allowed myself to turn down a dark destructive path which has led to problems with my family. I have spent the last 48 hours sobbing over what I've put my family through. They deserve better than what I've been giving them.
I don't drink every day but I have a tendency to not want to stop drinking once I've started. I'll reach a point where a switch flips in my head and any responsibilities or obligations I have seem to go out the window.
I just spent the night away from my kids because my wife and I as well regretfully felt that I needed to experience the potential loss of my family to help realize what I stand to lose if I don't change my behavior
I no longer want to live like this. If a person is to change they must want to change and I want to change. I want the repect of my family and friends back. I no longer want feelings of shame and regret. I am incredibly hard on myself and am not sure if I'm being too hard but I know I'm a better person than I have been and I hope to have the strength to make it through this difficult time.
The hardest part was finally admitting to myself that I have a disease and that my disease isn't just affecting me but also the ones I care most about. This is the start of something better and I hope anybody else having problems has the will and courage to be better for friends and family but most importantly for yourself.
To quote The Shawshank Redemtion, " get busy living or get busy dying"
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