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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Dave as read over and over what you written. I thank god for our paths crossing..thank you once more

For the saying the right things for me. I guess this empty and sad feeling will pass one day..

This support group is all I have for now.. Don't get me wrong I have a great life, but I'm not sure

My husband would understand how I got to this point.. For now I will do what I have to.. I have found

That our inner thoughts holds a lot of demons that I need to deal with and I am. One day at a time.

Everything you said makes perfect sense we cannot relax if we are unhappy with ourselves. As I reflex back I now

Know I drank when I was happy, sad, stressed, mad, it didn't matter. I do know I can't find true happiness

In a wine bottle ..one day at a time....one day at a time...

It's a beautiful today and I am very thankful ..

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Hey Zoey,

I don't have time to respond completely to your question but I think I can help!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Zoey,

Great work! You're making progress and it sounds like you're starting to see the truth in the fact the you can learn to assert control over this challenge and change for the better. Don't be afraid of success, whether it's making a significant reduction in consumption like you've just done or going completely alcohol-free for a longer period. One thing you are definitely NOT is a "loser" (we would rarely label someone else that so why would we do it to ourselves?). I really admire your courage and honesty in taking on this challenge so "well done!". You bring a lot to others doing the same.

The reason I mention the idea of "fear of success" is we will often sabotage ourselves through negative self-talk, which only serves to erode our goals. Additionally, we may just want to remain 'hidden in plain sight' and not want to draw attention to ourselves. I can only speak for myself here but I was very much that way and it was a product of growing up in an home of alcohol abuse (alcohol abuse in the home isn't a pre-requisite for dysfunctional behaviour). Learning to live a secretive life by hiding the real problems I was experiencing a home left me wanting to remain unnoticed in the background and any success that drew attention to me left me feeling very uncomfortable and undeserving and I would do things to avoid it. This sense of feeling "disconnected" and "different" lends itself really well to alcohol abuse because the effect of alcohol relieves the personal and social anxiety and guilt and opens a gateway to feeling of relief and acceptance. When it becomes REALLY dangerous is when we learn to prefer the "person" we are internally when we're drinking rather than the "person" we are when we're straight. If we don't learn to develop acceptance of ourselves and the skills and life-views that support our happiness WITHOUT alcohol or drugs then may we learn to manage all of our stresses through consumption. Before you know it EVERYTHING is a trigger and we're drinking all the time with no real sense of "why" we're drinking. How can we relax if we are unhappy with ourselves? Does that make sense?

One thing Zoey I've really noticed lately is how EVERYTHING counts, especially WHAT we say and HOW we say it. It defines how we see our world, how we relate to the world, and how the world relates back to us. This goes back to what you were saying before about changing your thinking and how it will resolve your problems. You couldn't be more correct on that one. Our words define how we feel, whether spoken aloud or spoken silently to ourselves. (Speaking silently....now there's a concept!). We are the architects of our own future, which when you think about it, is really only exists in this moment anyway.

Enjoy the day! Stay strong!

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Lynn,

I know we are both health freaks.(minus the booze).. I am 5"7 142 lbs. I jog and walk but have the beer belly or wine belly in my case ....do you know a good exercise for belly fat?

It always cut down on the cravings for alcohol I find the more I exercise.

Dieting is a little hard right down. Cutting back alcohol makes me very hungry, I have to find a way to

Control that also..

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Hi Lynn,

Thanks, I broke the pattern of 4. I still crave but as Dave said I drink a big glass of ice water then head out for a walk..one small accomplishment I guess...

It's always a whirlwind. Last night my husband opened a bottle of wine. I had cranberry and ginger ale... I just take

One day at a time..

I keep notes of everything I find it helps. It feels so good when I wake knowing I didn't drink last night..

Again I can only take one day at a time and stay positive.

What is your usual time for drink? Seems we all have some pattern in this habit of ours.

Zoey.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

Zoey,

Awesome job Zoey! In my opinion you shouldn't be disappointed at all. There is a saying that it think applies to this group, "If it was easy everybody would do it!"

Question. Now that you have been AF for at least a night in control for a few nights, do you find yourself questioning if you really want a drink at 4? I find that sometimes the answer is actually NO, of course that doesn't mean I don't take a drink. Old habits are hard to break!

Lynn

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Drew,

please don't ever be disappointed. Just stay with the group it's so helpful to know you are not alone..

We are all fighting the same battle each in their own way. It's a new day. We will support each other and win this battle.

Blessings

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Good morning,

Will since Sunday night at 6pm I had 3 glasses of wine. Not exactly what I set out to do as I wanted to not have any.

Still it's not a bottle plus everyday .. I'm not sure where this road is taking me but I feel confident with the help

Of this support group.

Dave you are such an inspiration, I hang on to every word, I drink more iced water than ever in my life. Which is a good thing.

There is one thing for sure I have learned we are all different , what works for one may not work for the other.. For me I never would have thought last Sunday that I could only drink 3 glasses of wine and lots of water ...I feel that although I'm not quite where I want to be I'm headed in the right direction. First I felt like a loser when I had that first glass..then I took a hard look at myself and thought if I'm going to do this I have to learn to understand that this is a hard battle and I will continue to fight as hard as I can .. I am still very scared of what each day will bring.. I will just keep fighting until I can completely overcome my weakness.. And finally someday win this battle.

Have a great day everyone ..

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Drew,

You haven't disappointed anyone here. If anything, I'd say you're on the right track. You've recognized your current state isn't working for you and your taking steps to resolve it. This didn't happen overnight and the seeds were likely sown long before the problem got to this point. We often want resolution to come fast and furious however we need to take our time resolving this one and it doesn't happen quickly. If you end up drinking it only magnifies the problem when your plan was to resolve it. It's not a black and white solution and we have to evolve out of it. And it certainly isn't an easy one to resolve if we keep it bottled up inside of us.

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 347

I am still trying to figure myself out and what is best for me, not what I want but what is best. I certainly have not won the battle. I stopped smoking over 20 years ago but do not believe I have won. I truly believe that if I had one cigarette today I would revert back to the pack a day that I once was, and I only smoke for a few years. I just know that I have managed the craving that exist to this day. This is something that I hope to do with alcohol. I couldn't be a moderate smoker and I may not be a moderate drinker, but that is something I am trying to determine.

In the end it is not anyone else that you have to worry about disappointing but it is yourself. I hope your night ends well.

Lynn

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