I'm happy for you that things are are in motion and you and her may get a bit of relief. :)

Dear Caitlin, I hope things are better for you it seems like there is a little light shining now and that is good. Let me say from reading your post that I can tell you are a loving caring daughter and only want the best for your mother, I will pray that God eases your Mothers symptoms and she re-starts her medication. I hope you are feeling better, I know what stress can do, it escalates the panic symptoms please remember this is only temporary and this stress will end "everything passes" I keep saying that to myself, its great your husband helps out he sounds very supportive and thats so important, none of what is occuring is your fault, you sound so giving warm and compassionate and you sound like you are trying so hard. PLease let me know how you are. God bless, Debbie.

Hi everyone. Thank you so so so very much for your extremely thoughtful and genuine support. I really really needed to hear all the things you guys said - it relieves so much of the burden of guilt for me. I finally convinced my mother, after months of fighting and frustration, to see a doctor. Of course, it didn't go well and she refuses to accept his diagnosis and refuses to even consider medications. But - by at least going to the doctor and getting him to sign a form for her disability assistance, she will now get her monthly disability cheques back which will ease some of the financial burden we've been shouldering. I also convinced her that, since she is really desperate to move out of the area she currently lives in and get into a seniors building with subsidized rent, she needs to make a tough decision and let go of her beloved dog. It took her 4 years to finally accept that there just aren't any nice affordable places for seniors in our city that will let you keep a 60 lb black lab that barks all day. It is very painful for her to let go of her dog, as she is really her closest friend. But, it will be better for her in the long run as right now her rent is 4 times what the disability cheques will cover, and the area she lives in is geared for young party animals, not paranoid delusional senior citizens. So the added good news is that by getting her disability status back she will be moved up on the waiting list for a nice seniors apartment, which I also hope will help her with her isolation as the seniors buildings have recreation centres in them and you can share meals with other residents. I am also hoping that it will have a pet visitation program where people bring their dogs to visit. I will keep you posted on how things are going. We're still not out of the woods, because if these steps (getting her income back and moving her to more comfortable housing) don't stabilize her symptoms and her mental state, then it may just continue to deteriorate and I may be forced to get professionals to intervene, even if it's against her will. That will be excrutiatingly difficult for me, but at least I will know I have done everything I can do to avoid it. I am feeling so much better since reading all your replies to my request for help. I can

Hello Caitlin! I hope things are going good for you. I just wondering how things are with your mother and how you are doing? Are you nervous/excited to start you (A.D.A.M.) group?

Hi, reading your letter was like deja vu. I was in exactly the same situation as yourself, although my financial commitment to my mum wasn't so dire. My mum was schizophrenic, and I loved her more than life itself, although when she didn't take her medication it was difficult to feel anything apart from stress and anger. It really does exhaust you ! I don't think you have any option but to have her hospitalised for a while so that she can be stabilised. It won't be forever, and its what she needs too right now, although she may not think so. Without it, she will be a danger to herself and others. she needs the help, and you need the space. There is absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about, you would just be doing the right thing for her. You can't help her on your own, its a horrible illness, and she needs to take her medication. you won't be able to help her if you're feeling frazzled, and you can't help her get better anyway apart from letting her go into hospital and get the help she needs. Its difficult I know, but please for the sake of both / all of you, think that it is the right thing to do, and that you're doing it out of love for her. Good luck, I hope you both find the peace you need.

Wow, sorry to hear what tremendous strain you have been under. Clearly you cannot go being the sole financial provider and source emotional stability for your mom. This is too much for one person to do. I think that you have to recognize that just as you didnt cause her condition you cant cure her. She obviously needs medical help, you alone can only do so much. You cant sacrifice your family (in terms of time, emotional energy, etc.) for your mother who will only accept so much help. Think of her illness as you would a physical illness. If she had diabetes and she had no treatment she wouldnt be able to control her blood sugar. She cant control her emotions/thoughts without help. Basically you cant do this alone and she needs help. First you could approach it more diplomatically by talking to her with your husband. (Does she have any friends who could help?) Could help from a social worker be a possibility? Or does she ever go to the doctor for anything? Is it possible for you to accompany her if she goes for a physical problem? Then if all attempts fail you might consider more drastic actions knowing you done all you can do and this is what is best for her. I think when it comes down to it you are not doing her favor by letting her be left to herself and her delusional thoughts. She is sick and she needs help. Like it or not you are the parent in this and you need to make the call knowing what is best for her. You are not doing yourself or your family any good by consuming all your emotional energy in this. As difficult as it may be some emotional distance would be a good thing here. Im sure the weight of this on you in excruciating but it might be easier to let it go by knowing its what best for you and your family. Easier said that done, I know! I wish you all the best in this situation Caitlin. I cant say I understand the extent to what you are going through. But I am very familiar with the feeling of being emotionally responsible for your mother. Its tiring and its and empty hole thats ever filled. You are a strong and smart person and you will be able to navigate through all of this. Take care of yourself. :)

Hi Caitlin. I'm really touched by your story and your dilemna is terrible. My aunt is a schizophreniac and has been since her early 20's (she's past 50 now). Over time, her condition has worsened. When she took her medication, she wasn't too bad, but she slways stops taking them because she says she doesn't need them. Whenever she doesn't take them, she's totally irrational, there's no reasoning with her, and the guilt trips she puts the family through, and the fights she creates... it's really sad... We'Re a close-knit family and the whole family has done everything it could for her over all these years, emotionally, financially, etc. but there comes a time when there's nothing more that can be done if she just doesn't take her medicine... She may be your mother, but you cannot shoulder this situation alone. No one can. And no matter what she tells you (the guilt, the accusations, everything) it's her illness talking, so you can't be expected to reason with it or suddenly be able to make her understand your reasoning. All that's going to happen is that she'll take you and your family down with her. SHE NEEDS TREATMENT. And if she won'T or can'T voluntarily do it, you need to help her out by helping her get that treatment. You can't keep paying bills and draining yourself emotionally. It sounds very cold what I'm saying, but I've seen it happen to my own family and whenever she was hospitalized (by force, usually) and started her treatment again, she was much better. And the family was able to breathe and live again. Please understand that this is only my opinion and personal experience, you do what you feel. I'm sending you lots of love and support, good luck.

Caitlin, Thank you for sharing your story. You need to take care of yourself first. Even if it is one hour during the day. Also check for special health care workers that may be hired to come in help. If this is not an option, then perhaps someone to lighten your load, do the laundry and clean the house. You are her sole provider now. Try and reason changes with her, such as cutting down on smoking or rationing what she has. Can you move her to a cheaper place to make better on you financially? Sit down with your family and make a list of what could be done to make it easier for everybody. Then take it step by step. The more you write down the more options you will have. Most of all go slow and do things gradually, this will ensure less shock for everyone. Remember, take an hour out of everyday to do something for you. Hope this helps, Josie ______________________________ The Panic Center Support Team

oh Caitlin you are in a terrible situation i do believe you need to get your mother the medical help she need its not going to get any better if you dont as youve noticed already its only gonna get worse dont listen to the words that your mother is saying its her illness talking not her and look at all that youve done already you are at breaking point.Speak with a doctor about what your options are but you must NOT feel guilty i know its easy for me to say but what else could you do im sure youve done everything possible its time to look after you and your anxiety wont get better while you are in such a stressful situation.Let me know if theres anything more i can say or do to help you through this tough time.Goodluck and please take care. Lulu..

I've been doing pretty well these past few months, no major panic attacks, and I've been doing my exposure work and I start a local CBT program this month. But, I've had 3 near-attacks in the past week or so, and the health anxiety is seeping back in to daily life again. I'm coping fairly well, but I really don't want to relapse. Right now I am on the verge of a terrible decision - whether or not to have my mother committed. She is schizophrenic and refuses to take medications (they do cause her terrible side effects) but she is just unbearable when she is unmedicated. I have been dealing with her and her illness since I was a child, and there is no one else in my family to help - just her and me - single mother and only child. Dealing with her illness, her delusions, her screaming at me about what a terrible person I am and how cruel I am to her... I am certain that dealing with all that has lead me here, to this anxiety disorder I now suddenly suffer from. I read the other day that research shows people with panic disorder tend to have been raised by parents who were overprotective, under-affectionate, and overly controlling. That's my mother to a T. But I was born with my own distinct will and my own determination, so while we have been close in terms of her being my only family, we have fought intensely since I was in my early teens, when I first began to notice how unreasonable she was. At the time, I didn't realize her controlling behaviour was part of her illness, but in hindsight I do. But the guilt is unbearable - if I avoid seeing her, I feel suffocated by guilt. If I do see her and try to socialize with her to help her get healthy again, I end up in tears sobbing like a child because I can't bear to listen to her delusions or her ranting at me about all the ways I let her down. It's a no win situation, and because she has been off meds for years now, her condition is worsening by the day. I can't even really let her be around my kids, which angers her tremendously. And because she won't see a doctor, she has been cut off of her disability cheques so we are now paying all of her rent, hydro, food, etc, on top of our own mortgage and all our own expenses. It is not only draining me emotionally but also financially - which also makes me feel gui