Hi I'm Wendy. I am 19 days without alcohol now and finding it much harder than early on. I've been a heavy drinker for about 7 years, basically drinking anything. It started with a few glasses of wine at night and a scotch before bed and escalated. I switched from Scotch to Brandy to Wine, back to Scotch, than to Vodka in an attempt to 'manage' my drinking. My last binge was a litre of vodka every day for a week until my body seriously rebelled. I've been thru withdrawal a few times, managed it on my own because my Dr. didn't deem it necessary for me to have help. I've had it all, vomiting, diarhhea, nausea, shakes, sweats, hallucinations, rapid heart beat - my blood pressure was in the 'you should be dead now' range. Despite the memory of how awful that felt, how miserable I have made my family, how I am in danger of loosing a good job, how determined I was on days one thru 7, if someone handed me a bottle right now I would happily down it. What is wrong with me !!! This is like some kind of madness.