Camiol, thank you. Oy, this "being strong" thing is such a touchy beast. I remember a member from about a year ago (Black Pearl) who was determined she would quit by sheer willpower and control. I admired her resolve so much, but was worried for that the control alone wouldn't do it. One single slip is such flat out proof that you AREN'T in control, and it's much harder to get back on your feet and start believing in yourself again. I haven't seen a post from her in a very long time, and I miss her. I hope she comes back someday.
Can I tell you how many times I actually "poured it all out" and got rid of all the alcohol in the house (because I planned to drink moderately elsewhere), only to be back in the same place 6 months later? A lot of wasted money. Of course, pouring it down my throat was every bit as wasted. At any rate, I may get to a place someday where I can have it in the house and not drink it, but that time isn't anywhere in my visible future. I know it's easy to jump in the car and run to the store for a bottle and back, but it's MUCH easier to just pull it out of the cupboard. 30 seconds to cave in vs. 10 minutes of potential 'talk myself out of it' time. But I know everyone's triggers are so different. I've never really had to worry too much about my drinking outside the house, just at home. How is the smoking (or quitting) going?
I am no longer doing the "aimless wandering" every day when I get home, so that's one positive step forward. I have also lost about three pounds from lack of alcohol calories in the past ten days. I gained about 15 pounds over the past year during this struggle 'stress' with moderation, after being slender for a long while. I am hopeful the weight loss will follow. Even though it's not that much weight, my inner "punisher" voice is always very hard on me when I can't fit in my normal clothes. That stupid body image thing. I am still exercising almost daily, which is good.
One more day and counting.
