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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

I can see where you're coming from when faced with the thought of not drinking again. It's pretty over-whelming when you look at it in the context of "Never". I'm not looking at it from that perspective. I find when I look at things from a black or white perspective it actually fuels the fire by assigning unnecessary pressure on me internally and I believe that sets you up for failure. In reality I do have the option to drink but I choose not to. It's interesting because I can easily say no to other aspects of consumption. For example, when I'm out at a function and have a great meal like I did last night and then they bring me a piece of cheese cake. I love cheese cake because it's so bloody tasty and everyone around me is eating it but I know if I eat the cheese cake it's going to ruin my meal and I'll feel like crap. It's the same with drinking. I make my choice not to because I'll feel better if I don't.

I was at my nieces wedding yesterday and I had a great time at the reception. The entire place was drinking and it ramped up as the evening went on. I let everyone know I wasn't drinking and the question came up more than once "Why". I simply "I don't want to and I have a much better time when I don't drink". And you know what? Everyone was perfectly fine with that. I now realize that the pressure to drink comes from within and people are quite happy if you drink or choose not to drink. I enjoyed myself 10x more by not drinking and everyone around has a better time with ME socially if I don't and vice versa. I didn't have any urge to drink last night and felt absolutely no pressure at all to cave in and join the party. By about 11:30pm I pretty much had had enough though because trying to enjoy a meaningful conversation with someone who is half in the bag gets kind of annoying tiresome. So today is the start of week 3 of no drinking for me and as time passes I'm finding I think less and less about drinking and more about untangling this ball of string that brought me here in the first place.

One thing I can tell you......I have complete faith in the fact you (and Turquoise and those of us here working to put this behind us) are going to come to terms with this challenge and live a happier more productive life free of the pressure that has been dragging us down all of these years. Of that I have absolutely NO doubt.

Keep up the great work you're doing Camiol! I enjoy our dialogue your feedback. It keeps me grounded.

Best regards

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Thank you Dave I feel the same. I hope that by admiring the strength and determination I see in you and Turquoise, I will begin to feel I can live a sober life too. I look forward to being the "old" me soon, the person who didn't drink on a daily basis. The difference this time around will be that I won't be able to drink at all. I have to be able to accept that with a positive mind and soul.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Camiol, you're on your way to a better way of living. I'm really glad we've connected at this time because I firmly believe things happen for a reason and I feel privileged to be part of this journey you've begun to a happier future. You're on the right track so keep focused and enjoy the trip!

Best regards,

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Fantastic work Turquoise! I'm at the end of week 2 and I can honestly say I refuse to go backwards. Your hard work and success adds fuel for me moving forward.

Keep up the great work.

Best regards,

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

I got through last night. Thanks for the support - by the end of today, I will be 3 weeks sober! Gotta go, kids all over me...

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Turquoise I'm glad you made it home safely. I'm sorry you had a bit of a rough spot with the craving but Im sure you got through it and today is a new day. I'm on day 2 of not smoking and looking forward to being free of this awful, ugly habit again. I am wearing the patch, still have cravings but its the habit part for me that's hard to get through. I was able to get through it before, and I'll do it again. Once I get through this addiction, I plan to tackle the drinking head on. In the meantime I find that talking about it, and seeing how others are doing in this journey is very helpful in keeping me in the mindset of wanting to stop drinking. It helps to keep me somewhat controlled and I think it makes me think about what I'm doing. I have a couple dinner parties coming up this month at my house and I'm already thinking about staying controlled and possibly not drinking at all. You and Dave are both a big inspiration for me and I want to follow in your footsteps. Thank you both for being such a wonderful support system, and a strength I can draw upon.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Dave I agree whole heartedly that we are not born to be an alcoholic. I have always believed it's a choice we made and at some point it grew into a habit. I understand that many groups/professions believe it is a "disease", but for me, I have never agreed with that philosophy. I know for me, I choose to drink. I have the option to say no, but that little beast in my head says "have a few drinks, you'll enjoy yourself", "one glass of wine won't hurt". It never ends up being just one. I do believe some of us are predisposed to becoming problem drinkers, but i feel it is a learned behaviour and physical addiction does become a component of it over a period of time. In my case I grew up with an alcoholic mother. Her dad was an alcoholic, and many other members of my family are drinkers. When I was old enough to understand what alcoholics are, I promised myself that I would NEVER be like that. Well here I am many years later, very disappointed in myself for breaking that promise and wondering how I let myself get to this point. I know how I got this far, but why did I allow it to happen? It started with me becoming very unhappy at work, I'd have a couple glasses of wine to unwind and relieve the stress. It snowballed from there and I would drink whenever I had to face a stressful or uncomfortable situation. I learned that having a couple drinks eased my discomfort. I love to have get togethers with friends, have a few drinks and laugh. On a hot sunny day I likes to sit on my deck with a cocktail and enjoy the peacefulness of my backyard. When I'm home alone, I get bored and pour a glass of wine. I don't think that my body is craving alcohol when I drink, I feel it's something I WANT to do, I CHOOSE do, something to relax me.

I also look forward to discussing this more with you and discovering more about ourselves and the Beast.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hey, hey friends,

Just an update....I'm away at the wedding this weekend and it's been an extremely good time with friends and family NOT drinking. No urge to drink and no little voices pushing me in that direction. I wanted to share this with everyone because if I can do this I know each and every one of you can do the same. So take the time to enjoy your day and everyone around you.

Best regards,

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Turquoise,

It's ok to feel that way. Stick to your guns because you are the one in control. I find when I get like that I grab something to drink like ice water with lemon or ice tea. Once I have that I realize I was actually thirsty and the urge goes away.

You're stronger than that annoying voice urging you on. Maintain your resolve and continue to build on your successes.

Best regards

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

You're very welcome! I've found the site to be extremely helpful and I sensed you could really relate to it. I was hesitant to post it as their philosophy goes against the grain of some on the site who strongly believe in the AA methodology of quitting drinking but I figured if they felt strongly enough about the benefits of AA then it shouldn't make a difference. Everyone has to follow the path that speaks to them and I have found the AVRT philosophy works best for me. It took the pressure off me and helped to to really listen to my inner voice, the one that has my best interests in mind. There is so much more to understanding myself and for the first time I have a clear view on what that is and how I can untangle this web of habits and self-concept I've spent years developing. As I've said before, none of us were born with an alcohol addiction. We were socialized into it and learned to re-enforce it in many different ways. That's a subject I want to discuss in much more detail and I think, working through this self-discovery together, we can all put this behind us and live a happier, more productive life.

I can relate to the smoking. A by-product of my drinking is smoking and I've picked it up lately. I only used to want a smoke when I drank but it has crept into my life and I too plan to quit next week. I find smoking an easier nut to crack but it still takes a lot of effort. The best way for me to quit is to get back into a consistent work out program and really focus on better eating habits. I'm easing my way into this week and plan to ramp it up with my 3 month work out plan next week.

Camiol, your thanks is sincerely appreciated. I'm always here to help and never forget, we've got your back and your not walking this road alone.

Keep up the great work you're doing. It inspires me to keep moving forward as well.

Best regards

Dave

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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.