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Is it alcoholism/abuse,even if no one else thinks so?

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Is it alcoholism/abuse,even if no one else thinks so?

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

I also want to add it takes a very strong person to fully face all that you just have. Being honest with yourself about the alcohol and about your actions while on alcohol isn't always easy. It takes courage to admit all that you have. You may not realize it but it is a very important step and a very positive move towards future growth.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11216

Jumping in to welcome you Carolina828,

Glad to hear you are doing well and that the members are starting you off with some sound and inspiring advise. I don't have too much to add but I do have one suggestion. Have another read of the post you wrote on the 27th. How did it feel reading that post? If you think it might be helpful take a piece of paper or open a word document and write yourself a letter. What would you want to say to your future self if you started thinking about drinking again? What if you start thinking having one drink won't be that bad? What would be important to hear/read? Keep this note in a safe place for when you need it - and you will need it one day. Fighting an addiction is a tough battle. You will have weak days but we will be here to help you through. Just keep trying and you will eventually find the freedom and health you deserve.

Looking forward to reading more from you.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 252

Carolina,

Well done and keep on posting

Rob

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

I am so grateful for all the advice and comments, and it feels so great to be able to relate to people who are or have gone through the same thing. Rob, you really nailed it though when you said your heavy-drinking friends wouldn't see your drinking as a problem, and the other people in your life didn't know how much you actually drank. I think that's exactly the point that I have reached. I think it makes it that much harder to talk openly about abstaining from alcohol with people in your real life when you know they just won't get it. So again, I'm grateful to have found this site and grateful for the understanding and support.

I am happy to report too I am having a great day. I'm in my most triggering environment right now -- on the boat -- and to say drinking and boating go hand in hand for me is an understatement. But the last three days, though they have been challenging, have left me feeling so much better mentally and physically that I'm not even feeling the temptation to drink right now. Already, I've felt calmer, been kinder, more patient, and my mood is more constant. I don't even want a Select 55, what I called the beer that keeps you sober, because I feel just fine without it.

I know that doesn't mean the battle is won or every day will be like this, but I'll take it as a win for today and try to remember this feeling on the bad days. I hope you are all having a good day, too!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Good morning Carolina,

You truly love your boyfriend. Honestly answer this question "Do you admit that you are powerless over your addiction and that your life has become unmanageable?" If you respond "yes", then you need a power greater than yourself as willpower alone will not suffice. Whether you are a believer or have faith in a higher power at this point is not important, what is though is whether you are "willing to believe that a Power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity."

The foregoing question and comment stem from Steps 1 and 2 of AA; there are 12 total. Here is a site with the other 10 and other tools which I hope will be of help. www.12step.org/steps/the-12-steps.html. Fellowship, such as on this site, with other alcoholics is another great and needed support for overcoming.

Now, if you believe you are not an alcoholic and believe that you can quit on your own, then perhaps you are a "heavy drinker" as Rob mentions the term below. In that case, the strong love you have for your boyfriend and the love he has for you may be all the incentive that you need to quit.

Wishing you sobriety regardless,

All is love.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 252

Welcome Carolina,

if you want to cut back or stop drinking this is the perfect place to get advice.

In terms of categorising and labelling, on the most basic level, if you want to moederate or stop drinking and you fnd it difficult then it is naturally a problem.

I spent a long time struggeling with trying to figure out if I was suffering from alcholism or not (I am), but at the end of the day I wanted to stop and I couldn`t, for me this was ultimately a life threatening problem and for me labelling beyond this point became less significant

It is very good that you recognize where you are at, and that you want to do somethng about it.

PS Thoese around me who are heavy drinker would not belive I have a problem either, and thoese who are not heavy drinkers have no idea how much I drank

Take care,

Rob

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

Hi Carolina,

When i read you story, I am only reminded of a passage from the book called alcoholics anonymous, here you go:

Here is the fellow who has been puzzling you, especially in his lack of control. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He may be one of the finest fellows in the world. Yet let him drink for a day, and he frequently becomes disgustingly, and even dangerously anti-social. He has a positive genius for getting tight at exactly the wrong moment, particularly when some important decision must be made or engagement kept. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills, and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Carolina,

Welcome to the site. You've done an excellent job of summing up your current challenges with alcohol and I have no doubt many on this site, including myself, can really relate to your history and will have lots to share that can help. It's sounds like maybe you still have some things to resolve around you dads passing, which I'm very sorry to hear by the way. I've been going through something similar with a family member and I can appreciate when you talk about the anger it brings on. What are your goals right now? To stop drinking, take a break, moderate? It definitely sounds like the alcohol abuse is on the rise so it's great you're addressing it now and you want to put your relationship with your significant other first. The fact that you recognize that says a lot about your character, strength, and courage so well done!. One thing I would suggest though.......give yourself some time to resolve any issues, alcohol free. Drinking may seem link a coping mechanism but it's really a doping mechanism and it doesn't help the situation. A person simply doesn't think straight when they are chronically drinking and the first few days of coming off drinking can be erratic at the best of times. So to answer your question....." I'm really looking for at this point is some cold-hard truth and some reinforcement that yes, I do have a problem and it's time to address it...." Yes, it's a problem and it's time to address it, and I suspect you already know that. The good news is you can sort this out, all it takes is commitment and determination.

Don't hesitate to dive in and post as much as you need, ask a ton of questions, and share your challenges and successes. One thing I can guarantee, everyone on here is will back you up and help anyway they can! The sense of community really helps.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi. I'm new here and I'm really having trouble summing up my drinking problem. If I go on forever, I apologize.

I had my first drink when I was 12, after my mom & I got in a huge fight about Lord knows what. It was my first and last screwdriver ever. The trend didn't continue, but I was drunk maybe 10-20 more times through my four years of high school.

By 19, I was drinking once a week, usually binge drinking, just out with my college friends at the bars. By 21, I kept booze in my house at all times, and usually had one or two drinks a night, every night -- except for Fridays & Saturdays when we'd drink to get drunk. That's pretty much how my life has been for the last decade, although there have been plenty of weeknights where those one to two drinks became the whole bottle of wine, or 8 of the beers in the 12-pack. I would most often drink alone through the week, too. Maybe that's why no one else thinks I have a drinking problem -- they really don't know how much I consume all the time.

Things have gone from okay to disastrous, though, especially over the last year. After my dad was diagnosed with cancer and especially after his death, I quit being the "happy drunk" that I used to be. Now I rage. I usually fight with my boyfriend -- I even hit him several times one night. I've never hit another living person in my life before then. Fortunately my right hook proved to be incredibly ineffectual, but the point is I was angry enough to try.

I feel like I am going to single-handedly destroy my relationship with the man I want to marry someday, and despite suffering the brunt of my rage, increasingly over the last three years, he doesn't even think I have a problem.

I guess what I'm really looking for at this point is some cold-hard truth and some reinforcement that yes, I do have a problem and it's time to address it. Because my fear is that I'll be able to justify "just one drink" on a day I'm feeling weak since no one else thinks I have a problem. I may be able to stop at one, too ... the first time or two. I know it's just a matter of time though before "one" becomes "one" whole bottle or "one" whole pack, and I'm back on track to sabotaging my relationship with a man I'm in love with and who loves me back.

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Is it alcoholism/abuse,even if no one else thinks so?