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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Turquoise,

One full month! You totally rock! Outstanding!

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

You're doing great. I can see you your winding it down and gaining more control over the drinking. Excellent work! Keep it up. As to how I cope with it.....I have it fixed in my mind that my automatic re-action and response to being offered a beer or wine, etc is "No thank you". I also plan ahead and, with close friends, I find out who will be getting together and if they're big drinkers. It won't affect my decision but I find running through the dialogue and interactions of saying "No" allows me to get through it ahead of time and get in some practice in before I'm actually in the situation. I also remind myself that jumping back on train of alcohol consumption is going to take me to a place I don't want to go and it always ends being a LONG train ride and the next stop to sobriety is a long way away. I also remind myself I really like the way things are going and I don't need to drink alcohol to enjoy people's company. The bottom line is I really don't like what alcohol does to my life and my relationships and if someone has a problem with that and gives me the gears about it they are not going to like the response they get from me. I'll be kind and considerate to a point but just don't push me because I am quite prepared to eject their sorry butt from my life, no questions asked.

I was thinking about your "epic fail". I gotta tell you, that's a great expression and I find a lot of humor when I or someone else can be big enough to recognize they missed the mark. It's very exciting when you put in the planning and effort to upgrade things like appliances. You must have been very excited for the delivery. Personally I have found this frame of mind can lead me to want to celebrate a little. I don't know if that was the case or not but always be aware that Addictive Voice has many tones and if you build associations like goal accomplishment and celebrations with alcohol consumption it can open a back door to escape through and justify having a drink. But I'm sure that wasn't the case for you.......

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Thank you Turquoise, I will never quit quitting. I stayed sober last night. It is always a great feeling to wake up without a hangover or feeling sluggish. Turquoise I was wondering.....since you've stopped drinking wine, has your husband also been abstaining? I'm curious because when I stop I really don't want to ask my husband not to drink because he doesn't drink very often and he is capable of making one drink and stopping after that. I don't think it would be fair of me to ask him when he isn't the one with the drinking problem.

Dave and Turquoise, how do you cope with and fight the urge to drink when there are others around you who are enjoying a cocktail and you want to join in but know you can't just stop at one or two? I'm trying to envision myself in a situation where people are having a cocktail and I am not able.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Hang in there, Camiol. Never quit quitting!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Wow one full month! Way to go Turquoise, that's awesome. I had an epic fail yesterday. My mom came by and we had three beer on the deck while I awaited the arrival of my new appliances. I had four more throughout the remainder of the day. I wasn't drunk, I drank the beer in about a 7 hour period but I was really hoping to not have any alcohol until Saturday when I get together with my cousin at the cottage. Thankfully today I don't hate myself, I am planning to abstain until Saturday, and after my Saturday party I'm still aiming for long term abstinence.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

P.S. One full month!!! It doesn't seem possible, but it's true.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

The power of kids.... I gave up smoking for good because I couldn't stand the thought of my kids smelling it on me. My main motivation for giving up drinking is the same. I also don't want them thinking that a bottle of wine is an acceptable replacement for a good dinner (which it often seemed to be for me), and seeing the piles of bottles in the recycling or trash bin each week... These are HUGE motivators.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,.

I'm really happy to hear you feel things are moving in the right direction and I feel privileged to be a part of it. I can really relate to everything you've said. The one of the best things about having children is that we have the chance to rectify our own situation by providing them what was missing in our lives; unconditional love and acceptance. I'm the same way and made a conscious decision when my son was born that I would do my best to provide him and his sister a positive emotional environment and break the cycle that has been haunting my family for generations. And we heal ourselves in the process.

Keep the positive pace going. Great work! I find each day gets easier and more enjoyable the longer I stay away from drinking.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Hi Dave...

For the first time last night I did listen to the Addictive Voice. I argued with it because it was telling me that a drink would be great, I kept talking to it, telling it no. It felt empowering actually. The urge was there, but I was able to overcome it and deny the AV the strength it was trying to take from me.

I also grew up having to keep quiet, and was faced with negativity when I tried to express emotion. To this day I have a lot of difficulty expressing feelings to anyone except my daughter. My mom never said she loved me, in fact one time she told me she hated me. If I cried about something I was told I'm being a suck. I learned to become cold and shut down my emotions. I am grateful that my husband is a very emotional person, he will force me to talk about things when I try to shut down. I am so thankful that I'm able to tell my daughter everyday that I love her, shower her with hugs and kisses, I'm proud of her and I think she is beautiful. I never got that when I was a child, but I get it all the time from my daughter and I love it. The negativity is still within me but I know over the years I've been able to strip a lot if it away.

I appreciate the input and advice you and Turquoise are giving to me. You both have so much wisdom it really is very helpful to me. I feel like things are going on the right direction.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

It really helps to look at this challenge from a lot of different directions to help us define the true nature of our problem. Because we're so close and deeply immersed in the craziness of finding our way out we tend to default to a worst case scenario because it really does seem that way. This comes back to that Addictive Voice and its relentless pursuit in driving us to drink. Have you ever taken the time to really listen to it? To listen to the actual words that are running through your head and the impact they have on your physical being? The words we use, both to speak to ourselves as well as others, have a profound effect on our physical being and self-concept. For instance, if I tell you "I hate you" or you're with someone who says "Oh, I hate them!" you can literally feel the muscles in your chest tighten up and your physical energy drain from your body. People that constantly use words like this are vampires looking to feed on your positive energy. Yet if I say "Thank you" or "I really appreciate you. You're a good friend. I love you" the reaction is positive and energizing. A real challenge I've had is taking that positive compliment and accepting it because I grew up in an alcoholic environment and sharing our feelings was taboo. If I ever tried to share my feelings with my father I was immediately shut down in the most caustic and negative way. Fortunately I'm a lot taller than him now and much more self-aware. I remember the first time I decided "You're going to get a bloody hug whether you like it not!" much later in life. Let me tell you, the look of terror in his eye's was priceless! Now I do it every time I see him and I think he kind of likes it. :) The terrible part of negative dialogue is that it keeps you locked in a prison that is hard to escape. If you make a conscious decision to strip away the negative words from your vocabulary it can pretty much dissolve the self-limiting beliefs that chain you down. This is a big part of the book "Power vs Force I referenced in the "Resources" thread earlier.

Camiol, keep pushing forward and hats off to you for doing an excellent job in giving yourself a break from the drinking. I'm inspired!

And Turquoise, thank you for setting an inspiring example and your constructive and positive contribution to the journey! Very much appreciated. And that extend to all who contribute.

Best regards

Dave

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