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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Siobahn,

I'm really happy I could be of help to you with getting through what I sense is a very chaotic time. I read your blog and I find that your honesty is very refreshing. You're on exactly the right track and I admire your courage to take the path you know is right for you. Be patient with yourself because the chaos of the first few days will recede and you'll find the peace you're looking for. Be honest and realistic in the fact that you body is filtering out a lot of stuff and the is a physical thing that manifests itself in the form of anxiety. It's no wonder a war of 2 sides exists in the first few days. Drink lots of water and as each day passes you'll re-balance and be ready to the new job with a clear frame of mind. I'm glad you're here and sharing the experience and challenge with us. I draw a lot of strength from everyone here and helping others helps me. Like yourself I drank a lot by myself. This went on for a long time but I've come to realize I like spending time with myself much more being sober instead of being wasted.

I was out of a friends boat all day today and beers were flowing but not for me. When asked if I wanted a beer I said "No, I'm not drinking" and told them I quit drinking. And being the true friend my buddy is he said "Good for you".

It gets easier the more you practice but I've learned the most important person I need to tell is me and always re-affirming "I don't drink alcohol.

Keep up the great work Siobhan. We always here to help so never feel like you're slone. You have a lot of people in your corner now

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

No worries. I actually stumbled upon it just now, it's in plain site, I know but I missed it!

Anyway, thanks again, I will use it a lot. Just another reason this site is so inspiring, no judgments just support. Awesome.

Siobhan

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11221

Hi Siobhan,

Sorry for jumping in so late but it looks like you are getting all you need from the wonderful members we have here! We have such an amazing community of people here it is so nice to see so many supportive posts lately. You all have really formed a really positive group of support allies.

The blog - When you are logged in you will be able to see a Launch button on the top right corner of the forums. Blogging is a great idea!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Oops, Can someone tell me how to write in a blog here? I just read Turquoise's blog and omg, loved it.

Too much for me to read all right now.....but it is wonderful, geez I am amazed at how good it feels to read writings by people who have the same experiences and feelings. Anyway, now I remember from b4 when I was on here someone suggested i blog and I never did. I really want to.

Alcohol and alcoholism seem to have predictable patterns. I never talk to anyone about alcohol, I never drink with anyone. I guess that makes me a closet drinker, although I never drank in the closet, lol

Anyway, T, the whole trying moderation, quitting and starting again, so great to read your blog, your fam stuff, so perfect, Mom's side, Dad's side. Ever watch or remember that movie Stuart Saves His Family? So funny and true, hadn't thought about that in years. "Daddy shot Donny, Daddy shot Donny" he was drunk and thought he was a deer.

OK, for sure I need to blog. You all are so darn helpful. One minute at a time, thanks T.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

This is why I love this site.

Dave, your late night post last night got me thru the night! It was just the extra nudge, support, belief whatever that I needed, so thank you a million. Another poster acknowledged your observation/counseling skills and I agree, they are good and are much appreciated. I am going to try and print that post out so I can re-read it anytime. I draw strength from it.

I t amazes me how fragile I am when I try to quit (think that is pretty universal tho). In the first few hours anything can set me off to drink. I mean the smallest problem and I will simply go buy alcohol to cope. I know this about myself and so when I am going to quit I plan for it. I buy the food I will need for a couple of days, I have to be off work......geez, work was my number one reason for drinking, lol. I just have to have my stimulation to almost nil. If I have an impending problem coming up, I can't do it. If I don't have enough time, like 4 days, I can't do it. So many things have to line up for me to quit. So that is part of why I am so grateful for this week. I have a small little window, this week. Then major pressure starts.

I have no rent money for Sept yet but I have applied for unemployment and I have a new job starting so I am telling myself "just calm down, it will work out, BUT you must quit drinking right now, this is your window"

So, like Turquoise I gave myself permission to eat anything I please anytime I need and to stay inside and watch tv or read (may go for a walk, I know this is very helpful) but no requirements other than to not go buy alcohol today.

In these early hours I get triggers ALL the time, boom, over and over and over, almost everything gives me the idea to drink.

So having this site and reading posts from Dave and Turquoise and Camiol and everyone else is my counter weight to urges.

It is so powerful it is palpable to me, probably more so because I am so alone.

When I read others' posts about their challenges, I feel like I am not alone even when their life is different than mine like Turquoise spouse's still drinking. I am so intrigued and impressed by you and how you deal with your triggers. And your mate sounds great to be sensitive and supportive. I find many people who have struggled with alcohol to be so interesting and intelligent and sensitive, not all of course, but many.

It's amazing how people deal with it day to day. Life can be so hard on it's own and to think we add another layer of challenge with alcohol.

So to all of you, Thank you for posting/sharing, your words do so much more good than anyone can ever know!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Like Dave, I now have it fixed in my mind that my automatic response to being offered a beer or wine, etc is "No thank you," or "I'd rather have a club soda right now." I immediately get a club soda or diet coke, so that I have something in front of me. I'm also discovering a new fondness for iced coffee. It's kind of embarrassing to already have a non-alcoholic drink in one hand, then order alcohol for the other hand. I've also been eating my way through some of the hardest times, but I gave myself permission to do that when I decided to quit, so I'm using it as a tool. That response is actually decreasing, as the automatic craving for wine decreases! Last night I was surrounded by friends who were drinking, and I clutched my soda AND managed to not clear out the food table by myself -- and I had a great time.

Camiol, I'm the same about not wanting to demand that my husband quit just because I am. But he knows exactly what I'm struggling with, and he has cut way back in order to help me do this. We have no alcohol in the house at all now, and I hope that can be true forever. When we got back from an outside event last weekend with a few beers still in the cooler, I asked him to please put them where I couldn't find them, and he immediately poured them all down the drain! When we go out, as we did last night, he will ask me if how I feel if he has a glass of wine. At least once I have told him that it sounds so good to me. Instead, he ordered an iced tea, just so I wouldn't be tempted! That has meant so much to me, and helped me immensely. So no, I haven't asked him to quit, but he is being great about helping me and not sabotaging me. If you put it that way to your husband, do you think he would be helpful?

Siobhan, you have a good, strong attitude about what you need to do. Right now, if you can find a solid substitute for that drink (something you like and can count on) it might be helpful. Do you like tea or soda or iced coffee? The one thing I can't emphasize too much that has helped me is to not have any in the house. Instead, I have lots of tempting substitutes. Even chocolate, because if you gain ten pounds, you won't lose your job over it and you might get your life back. There are a lot more successful overweight people out there than there are successful drunks.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Siobhan,

Today is a new start and that is such a positive thing for you. You know exactly what you want to do and need to do and it sounds to me like you're finally listening to that inner voice that's steering you in the right direction so stay focused on that one. I've always found the first week is the toughest however I can promise you from experience that it will get much, much better. And your brain function will come back just fine because the amazing thing about our bodies is that they can self-repair given the chance. You're no doubt feeling a lot of anxiety right now and that's perfectly normal so just take a deep breath, close your eye's and relax. Breaking free of a low paying job that depressed you is incredibly liberating and I commend on the strength and courage it took to break free of that situation. Well done! Stay focused on this week because you deserve a break from stress it created. It's important you replenish your vitamins if you've fallen short on your nutrition so start loading the B6 and B12' as well as selenium and other essential vitamins as they will help with the brain function and repair your body. All the drinking does is leech your the energy from your body and depress you.

As far as sales goes, there are different schools of thought on that. Yes, rejection is part of sales but you can't take it personally. Acceptance is just as big a part of the sales process. Sales is a numbers game, plain and simple so always keep your cup half full rather than half empty. If you are doing sales look to the top 2 or 3 sales people and replicate what they are doing. And make it fun for yourself. If it takes 10 calls to get 1 sale then find some relief when someone says " No thank you" because you just took 1 step closer to your own success. I like to look at sales another way......get up in the morning and know you have an excellent chance to win a lottery today. It may not be the grand prize but I'll tell you, I get pretty bloody excited if I play Lotto and win $72. Realize that the odds are really in your favor of winning the Siobhan Lotto by making 10-20 calls or appointments. Every call is playing a number set except the odds of you winning are a million times better than playing a national lottery. And the great thing is you get to play everyday. And you will win. Just try to re-frame it to the positive.

Don't look back because it doesn't do any good. Enjoy the moment and keep moving forward. I'm really glad your here on this site because I'll have that privilege of following your success as beat the past into submission. Great job on a solid start!

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Hi All,

Needing to connect tonight to draw some strength here to quit again. I don't know how I feel about moderation, if I can ever do that or not, I am not sure.

What I do know for sure is I need some dry time, completely alcohol free. I just got a new job, hoping this can be an opportunity to turn my poverty around and I know I cannot do my best if I am drinking. My brain functions are compromised so I know I need to stop.

My last job was so depressing and I never made enough money to live on, much less to get out of this financial hole, so I used to drink all the time even though I knew that was such a waste.

I just need to get a couple days under my belt and then develop a deep commitment to staying sober. I don't ever go to bars or have friends who drink (only know a couple of people) that's why I love this site.

Yes, this is a very stressful time and normally I would love to drink to ignore it but I am thinking of the bigger picture. In one week I will need a clear head to be able to learn all this new info and I need to get my body strong. A former boss once told me you need strong core (stomach) muscles to be in sales, cause it's so tough you get beat up a lot, so much rejection and pressure from commission only work, you need to be physically strong to bear that.

I am very grateful I was hired and very grateful to have found this site back in February. I draw so much inspiration from all of you and so much strength just checking in. I just gotta make it thru tomorrow.

Siobhan

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

Thank you very much for the kind words. It's sincerely appreciated and I'm happy that I can be of help to you as you move forward in coming to terms with your challenges. I firmly believe that helping each other has a cascade effect on everyone around us and that will carry forward in ways we will probably never see. I hadn't really considered the idea of counselling before however I do like the idea so thank you for the suggestion. Goodwill has a way of growing exponentially. And the feeling of support and friendship is mutual.

As to the smoking, I'm holding my own. It's a challenge because I seem to be surrounded by smokers and I do quite enjoy having one in the morning with my coffee but it doesn't fit into my current goals and plans for my lifestyle so I need to leave it behind.

Keep up the great work you're doing and keep your eyes focused on your goals. You will get there.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Dave I'm sure it's been said before by others but I think you're a brilliant man. Your words are always so very inspiring and your advice so helpful. It's just my humble opinion but if you're not in the field of counselling, I think you would be a wonderful counsellor. I always look forward to reading your posts, there is so much I can relate to and take away with me. Thank you for that. Between you and Turquoise I feel such strong support and friendship, it is a wonderful feeling.

I do think that when I drank the other night, it was a celebratory thing. I was excited about getting new appliances and I guess I was on a bit of a rush. I'll need to find other ways to cope with that rush and not put alcohol into my body to mess up the high of happiness. I'm sure there are other ways to celebrate without booze. I need to dissociate alcohol from celebrating, boredom and stress. I am getting better at control and I'm looking forward to improving my life and getting back to being me.

How are you doing with not smoking? I went back to it again. I will kick this awful habit again very soon.

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