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The Addictive Voice

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

David/Dave and all others,

No worries. I can totally relate to what you all have shared. The single most excuse I used for drinking was 'I was bored'. And I could also relate to the social anxiety when hanging around with people, also this feeling of being useless. All this would come back swiftly the moment I used to stop for a while. Later on I came to know that these are the spiritual malady or like some people in AA call it as "untreated alcoholism". My mentor would say if alcohol was the problem then all we would have to do is enter a treatment center get detoxed and we should be good to go. Unfortunately thats not the case, we have all these "isms". The most dangerous piece is the mind. Which after a few days/weeks even after several years of abstinence would trick us into taking that first fatal drink, which then leads us to several (the phenomenon of craving). That is why the doctor who helped the co-founder of AA says in the chapter "The Doctors Opinion" we need a psychic change.

The chapter "More About Alcoholism" has 4 stories in it. They are there to illustrate that this disease is a progressive illness and also to illustrate the 'queer mental' twist we all go through prior to the first drink. There is this story of a man who at 30 determined to succeed in life quits on his own but after he retires at 55, deludes himself that he could drink like normal, takes the first drink, but because its a progressive disease, he quickly goes back to worse state than before and dies in short span. The other story I like is where a car salesman who 'thinks' he could handle an ounce of Whiskey in a glass of milk on a full stomach orders one, then the phenomenon of craving kicks in and ends up ordering more and more.. eventually ends up in a treatment center.

In my own experience, I could see the progression of the disease. The mental twist that goes through after each attempt in stopping and finally the phenomenon of craving. I would always fall short and have to rush back to buy more for Sunday. I was the kind of guy plan not to store too much liquor in the house, but would make several trips to the package/gas station

After reading the big book, it really made sense why I couldn't stay stopped, also why I was not able to control the amount of liquor I would consume once I start drinking and finally could relate to the state of being 'restless, irritable and discontended' in forced sobriety.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Forgive me for not including you in the discussion Foxman; it was not my intention to do so. Have you or anyone else any thoughts on what Dave and I have been discussing.

BTW, Foxman, I do subscribe to a higher power, knowing full well that I am powerless to quit drinking on my own. Biggest challenge for me is giving up the reins of my life, my desires, my will and my decisions to God. I do so sometimes, but certainly not all the time. That needs to change. Thank you for your input; I am now reading up on the 12 Steps and Big Book.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi David,

That makes complete sense to me. Thanks for your feedback. I have more to say on the subject and will respond later today.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Good morning Dave,

I never thought about personality type having an influence on my alcoholic behaviour, but it's a good point. I'm pretty much a quiet guy (personality type B) who prefers, if I have the choice, to avoid social interaction where many people are involved, such as restaurants, shopping centres, grocery stores etc. However, I still enjoy watching hockey or UFC matches and get adrenaline fixes from them.

One thing that I can relate to in your first paragraph below when you describe your personality type is the boredom and depression that occurs when we have nothing to do. While you may drink to replace the lack of adrenaline in your system, I will drink to obtain a comfortable buzz (pleasantly numb) while I pass idle time. I think we are both seeking to accomplish the same thing during down times, but just come at it from a different angle. The only difference I can see is that I am drinking to numb my mind (slow down my over thinking), while you are drinking to increase your mind speed (keep it in race mode). On the other hand you mention the "addictive voice" and your quest to "quiet" it. Perhaps that persistent voice is the OCD in us? Does that make any sense...brains are so complex aren't they?

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi David,

You asked if the mind or will power plays a bigger role in this cycle of alcohol abuse. I would say it's the mind, as I see will power as component to the will, the same as the capacity to lift something is a component of the strength and condition in my arm, or legs, etc. If I workout and develop my strength I have the capacity to lift more.

But let me ask you this.....how much does our personality type play a role in this dilemma. Let's take myself as an example: I'm what you would call a type "T" personality type, characterized by the need to participate in adrenaline type activities, an "adrenaline junkie" as it commonly referred to. I love to ride motorcycles, it's my passion. Spending time at the race track and dragging my knee around a corner is my habitat. If my bike will go 180 mph then I would prefer to go 190. I love when the tires drift on the edge of traction and I can power slide my bike out of a corner. As strange as that may sound I'm most relaxed and focused when I do that. When I ride my dirt bike it's the same thing, When I ride my street bike I ride responsibly but I see other riders who can cruise along at casual, consistent pace and I don't understand how they can enjoy the experience. I'm not speeding like a nut on the street but I brake later and slow down less as we ride down a twisty road. And after I ride for hours I feel SO relaxed. One thing that is common with people like myself is that when we go for extended periods of time without this "fix" from adrenaline depression sets in. I watched a documentary on big wave surfing and they all said the same thing. If they don't get their "fix" they are SO depressed. I find that creeps into my life in the winter months when I can't ride. Is it any wonder I would seek out the comfort of alcohol abuse to replace that feeling. I've never considered how my personality type has such a profound effect on my perceived need consume alcohol to replace this feeling but I do now.

Additionally, my personality is peppered with a little OCD, because when I get a goal in my mind I'll fixate on the details of perfection of the end state.

Yet these characteristics of my personality cannot be changed. I don't want to change them. They make me who I am and I embrace them passionately. They give me strength. However, I now realize that alcohol consumption doesn't work for me. It's a band-aid solution in a futile attempt to bridge a gap that exists when I'm not in my zone or being true to myself.

Guys (and girls :) ), I know there are many more threads in this web that contribute to what got me here and I'm in the process of deconstructing the elements that gave rise to my alcohol abuse. It's quite the liberating experience and I'm loving it because I'm getting to know myself in a more personal way. And you know what? I like getting to know myself and accepting the good and taking responsibility for the not so good and taking positive steps to resolve those and quiet that voice. I feel happy.

Your thought's Dave? And all that want to discuss?

Regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi David,

No worries and no apology necessary. I plan to respond but I need to gather my thoughts around the points you made.

It's all good and thank you responding to the post.

Regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

Thank you Dave for responding so quickly,

I apologize for being so sensitive...

I look forward to taking part in further exchanges.

All is Love,

David

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi David,

My post was intended to stimulate a discussion and I certainly appreciate your input. I was planning to write a response to your post but I just needed a little time to digest it. You've made some excellent points and it's inline what I've been thinking myself. Like you I came from a family of where alcohol abuse was the norm. My only exposure to OCD is my brother-in-law, who has a wicked case of it. He has actually used as a strength and his OCD has driven him to a very successful business career. I can only imagine the strain that must put on you and how it feeds the fuel for that addictive voice. I was diagnosed with ADHD and I find that contributes to my situation as well.

Please don't take it personally that I didn't respond right away. I felt the points you brought up deserved careful thought before I crafted a response and I definitely have more I want to say. The fact that you took the time to share your idea's and personal experience is sincerely appreciated and I look forward to hearing more about your experience because I know we can all benefit from it.

My apologies if my delayed response caused any frustration. The was intended to be a all-way dialogue for all those you wish to participate and share their ideas. It wasn't intended to be a blog but if that's what I created then "Cool!" I've started my first blog!

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 154

I feel a bit awkward. At the bottom of this thread, Dave asks for people's thoughts on his blog. I respond as does Foxman. I feel like a person in a room of 3 people and 2 people are discussing stuff back and forth with each other while the other is left alone watching the other two.

Dave, if you're going to post a blog where you ask for people's input (thoughts), at least have the common decency to reply to all who answer. Even something like "Thanks for your input" is better than nothing at all.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I hope my game analogy makes sense.

Yes it does. Have to admit, I had to watch a video on Youtube to learn the game. I too had several stints of sober period. Looking back though, I never was comfortable. I was depressed, mean to people, constantly snapping back at people. And then I will start drinking again. Like you mentioned, initially, I would seem to be in control and slowly the obsession would kick in and I will be thinking about drinking and then the craving gets harder after I start drinking. Reading this portion of the book (from the doctors opinion of the big book), I could related to this 'spiritual malady' and the physical craving:

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

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