Thank you Samatha and foxman.
I have just finished reading Bills story in the AA book, pretty remarkable. I will be looking up those links foxman thank you. I will be reading this book over and over again. I will be journaling my feelings etc Samantha , I have spent over 15 years holding all my feelings and traumas i experienced in hence dealing with them destructively . this site and everyone here has supported me and helped me so much . I have to honest with me feelings now at all times good or bad and learn to accept them and deal with them. I think that is one way to my recovery. I have lived in denial for far to long.
Thank you again
Hello Everyone
well it was today last week that I ended up going on a huge binge . I was angry with a situation and didnt want to feel anymore so i drowned it all in alcohol . Drank until i forgot and i literally forgot . I drank until sat morning and wow Sunday was the the biggest day of shame and all time low. I have had an emotional hang over for about 4 days so it was quite easy for me to not drink because of all the shame and guilt i was feeling from that last binge. The work and hardship starts now. i am starting to feel better . My mind is already second guessing my choice to stay sober ...thinking things like ...no it wasnt thaaat bad... drinking to about 7 am and blacking out at times ...no thats not bad ..not nad enough to stop drinking for ever .....its not like you have done this before..oh wait you have for over 15 years . I am scared , i am scared of pressure from work and friends and just the thought of never drinking again scares me . the weird part is that i do feel good about it tooo its just this is the battle of it and it begins , I know full on that i am sick with this alcoholism . Like Ahley said I will be writing a journal of my everyday feelings good or bad, i will aso go back to my posts that i had written here that following sunday six days ago and carry what I wrote with me because I will not relive that again. Today is day 6 and I have not had one drink today or for the past 6 days and I look forward to a sober tomorrow.
