I'm so sorry to hear about this PJ. Good for you for staying strong dispite this painful recent event.
What will you take away from this experience? What's one positive you can pull out of it?
Camiol,
If you think it will be helpful to you, feel free to post. The Health Educators are not trained therapists so we won't be able to offer any insight into your history with you mom; all we can offer is listening and asking questions. If you think you might benefit from talking to a therapist I also encourage you to seek one out. A therapist will help you to work through your memories and address the anger that comes up. We'll support you in whatever you feel is right for you.
Thanks Ashley, I might do that. Its not often that I talk about my mom, but when I do, it's like a whole bunch of other buried memories surface and the anger sets in.
PJ I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough morning and that your parents said hurtful things to you. Could it be that their concern turns to frustration and they really don't mean to hurt you? I'm just being curious. Do you know what triggered your episode last night? I know for me it's usually the Friday "thank goodness the work week is over, I deserve a drink" trigger. Sometimes it's just work frustration during the week that sends me running for that bottle of wine. Don't beat yourself up for that slip PJ, we've all been there and we know that sometimes this addiction gets a firm grip on us.
I drank last night, and it was embaressing, I just left because I knew how drunk I was. I didn't go to work today because I woke up still drunk. My parents absolutely nailed me with insults, I won't repeat because they hurt so much but man, ouch.
I know I am in the wrong, I never said it's okay to drink.
I still hold onto the mentality I posted the other day, but insults from family, they hurt they most.
Camiol, If you would like to create another thread to talk about some of your thoughts, feelings and memories around your mother feel free to do so. You are absolutely right; it feels good to let things out so if you want we are here to listen.
It actually feels good to tell someone about the mean things my mom has done to me over the years. I think I've kept it pent up for far too long.
I am pledging to abstain again today. I realized last night that my cravings for alcohol are slowly diminishing. I have been taking Kudzu for almost two weeks now and I think I'm starting to get some results from it. It hit me that my withdrawals are a lot less bothersome and I don't seem to obsess as much about drinking. It sure would be nice to have it take away all desire for alcohol, in time I think I will reap more benefits from it. For now I'm happy that it is changing some of my addictive tendencies and making the withdrawals easier to manage. I am definitely going to stick to taking it daily.
Marylizy you seem to be doing great and Turquoise you always have such strength I admire. If I could be half as strong as you I'd be a very happy woman. I haven't seen any postings from Hope or Black Pearl. Are they no longer posting?
I hope you all have a wonderful day. I will check back later. Stay strong my friends.
Morning Mogas...I just posted my zeros for today and know that it helps me keep my pledge as I do not want to have to disappoint myself and go back in and change them. I hope you all have a good week...
Thanks Camiol for sharing this. It must be an awful feeling.... I've been told I often turn into Jekyll and Hyde when I am drunk and with certain persons but I know why, ( lover's relation turning sour) but a mom for her child, I could never understand because there seems to be no reason a parent would do something like that.
I am very happy for you that you kept to sparkling water tonight. You must be proud of yourself. Keep going!
Way to go Turquoise, I knew you could do it. I made it through tonight without any booze. My mom came for dinner and I offered her a drink but surprisingly she declined and asked for a diet Pepsi. I was happy about that. I just drank my lovely sparkling water and we had a nice dinner.
In answer to your question Hors Controle, no my mom and I don't drink together. We typically do tomatoes together on Labour day weekend every year and that is the only time she and I would ever have drinks together. I always avoid her if she's drunk because she is not a nice person when she's intoxicated, but because we're doing tomatoes and hard at work we don't really have the chance to get drunk so I will have a few beer with her on that one day a year. Any other instances would involve a glass or two of wine during a dinner party..that's about it. It seems when she's drunk she develops a hate for me, it's like I disgust her and I think it's because she envies me, and always has. years ago at a wedding I was trying to get her attention and I kept saying, mom, mom, mom. I was at a table next to hers. Anyway she finally looked over at me and said very rudely..."oh I hate you". It shocked me and truly broke my heart but because we were at a family wedding I had to pretend that it was a joke and laugh it off when deep inside I was torn apart. There are other times that she's been terrible to me and I don't understand why. When she's sober she is loving and kind, but when she drinks, she's Jekyll and Hyde. I suppose that I should be thankful that I'm a happy alcoholic, but I prefer not be an alcoholic at all.
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