Hi Ashley.....thank you for sensing my frustration. I am really struggling with trying to stop altogether. When I quit smoking I made the decision to stop because I knew what it was doing to me and I also felt the stigma that came with it. Honestly I think when I quit smoking, that's when my drinking picked up the pace even moreso. In lacking the hand to mouth motion with smoking, I drank more to alleviate that feeling of loss of that action. Now I was determined at the time that I was going to give up that filthy, dirty habit. I enjoyed smoking, I really did, but I knew it was bad for me and I want to live a long life for my daughter. I compensated by drinking more. When I think about quitting drinking, I feel I want to do want to stop, but then I start to think "gee I already gave up something I enjoyed when I quit smoking, and I usually do like to drink, so why would I want to lose another "best friend." It's an internal battle that I just can't seem to win. I know that drinking is not good for me, I regret it so much when I drink too much, I hate that I've gained a few lbs, but I do have fun most of the time. I feel like I'm constantly struggling between my desire to quit and get healthy again, and the desire to have fun and enjoy my Friday nights. I had one sangria tonight and I actually threw away the last ounce or so. I know it's not a huge accomplishment, but I was glad that could do that and have no desire to pour another drink. I hope in time I will get to the decision to stop altogether and be able to stick to it. I refuse to give up, just like I refused to give up every time I tried to quit smoking. In the end, I won :)
