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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Good for you, for telling your husband at least a little bit about your efforts. Weight loss is a great excuse. Does he have any idea that you're uncomfortable with your level of drinking? My husband was very surprised when I told him that I thought I was drinking so much that it was affecting my health. And my husband and I are VERY good friends -- it is totally amazing to me that he isn't as concerned about it as I am. But I'm still afraid to use the word 'alcoholic.' And he is quite supportive, but when I said I might try not to drink at all during the 4th of July party, he said -- "Oh, but it's a holiday. You could drink on that day, right?" YES! I love that! Except.... God, I'm so afraid to break my current momentum. I've done this before. I did it last year, and the year before, and the year before that. I have gone for days -- sometimes even weeks -- at a time, then "oh, but it's just one day" "just one drink" "just one binge" and there I am, back to square one, and it takes me months to slowly build up to the constant hangovers, to the point where I'm ready to quit again. I secretly threw up first thing in the morning twice last month, because I felt like stink. I hide it so well -- I'm such a beautifully functioning alcoholic. It's pathetic! And I don't want to be there again. Aargh.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

I love the new name, and the earrings! I was thinking this morning while getting ready for work, that I can get through the long weekend without drinking...I'll just stick to my club soda cocktails. I told my husband last night that I'm not drinking for now because I have been drinking too much lately and because I want to lose weight. I stepped on the scale today and lost a pound since the weekend, which makes me happy. Perhaps that's also a good motivation to refrain from drinking on the long weekend, but man would it be nice to have a few drinks and relax with some friends. I feel torn about what to do. I know the right thing is to not drink, but that evil demon inside me is saying "one night of drinks won't hurt, it's all in the name of having a good time". If I make it to Saturday, that will be one week for me. Friday will be a serious struggle, I always had way too much to drink on Fridays. That was my "reward" for getting through a week of hell at work. It became a regular occurrence to go for dinner with friends and get loaded every Friday night. If my husband was working, and my friend was unavailable, I'd go buy a cask of Sauvignon Blanc and get drunk at home by myself. how sad is that?

So today is another day to get through without drinking. The thought of having a drink at the end of the day is with me all the time, but again, I'll get through it with my club soda and lime. I'm not ready or willing to cave in to my "want" of alcohol just yet. Good luck today, check in with you later.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Hitting50 is now Turquoise.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

That's interesting that your first hour when you get home from work is the witching hour. I have much the same problem during the week -- if I can make it until later in the evening, I'm usually okay. This could be a really important step for changing at least one habit. What can I do every day as my new regular soothing habit the minute I walk in the door? Hmmm. I'm going to have to think about this one. My kids are usually all over me, which is part of the need to wind down. What could I do WITH them that doesn't take a lot of energy, and doesn't involve me drinking while they do their own version of winding down? I can't come up with anything, but I'm sure there are some good options.

And just as immediate - how do we both survive this long weekend without whooping it up? Camiol, I really don't know. I'm struggling with this one as much as it sounds like you are. It sounds so depressing. What day will you hit a full week? If I can make it until Sunday, I'll be at two weeks. I'm holding on to that thought really hard right now. I think I'm going to change my nickname. Hitting50 sounds too old to me today (even though it's true). Tomorrow I might have a different nickname - but my icon will be my new turquoise earrings.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

I am also working on a big project at work, actually it's several big ones and I can't say that I'm enjoying it at all. It's very stressful to keep up with my regular job when much of my time is devoted to the projects. And the demands of the company can be excessive.

Well I made it through without drinking tonight. It's only 7:30 p.m. But I consider this a success because I usually grab a drink as soon as I get home from work. If I can get through that first hour after work without drinking, I can get through the entire evening.

I have July 1st long weekend looming over me. I don't know how I'm going to get through it. At this point I'm swaying between drinking and not drinking. The desire to drink is awfully strong, but my desire to stay sober is making me think twice about it. How do you think you'll manage to stay sober for the festivities? Besides a prescription, what other resources can you reach out to? I have a couple other times this summer that I am going to have serious difficulty abstaining. I have two cousins that I'm very close to. They come to visit every summer at separate times. We always have a lot of drinks when we get together, especially with the cousin I'm closest to. I mean we really light it up and it's so damn fun. How am I supposed to avoid drinking when this is a tradition? I know that there are always going to be situations where we are exposed to alcohol, where people are going to be enjoying that delicious cocktail....what skills do we need to develop in order to be able to say no, and stay sober? How do I go the rest of my life without a drop?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Oh, I know so well what you mean by the feeling of drinking being so alluring, but it's the next day that sucks. That's why I call it the pretty monster inside of me. The beast is so damned attractive when I'm facing that glass of wine. It doesn't turn ugly until after I've started. I hope today got better for you. What can you do this evening to let go of work and still keep from drinking? Maybe watch a movie? Take a long bath? (I know, cliche) Go for a walk? I am also working on a big deadline at work, so I won't have much time to spend on this site this week. Fortunately, I am enjoying this particular project, despite the stress. Not that I don't think every five minutes about going home and having a glass of wine.

The biggest looming terror is the annual 4th of July party next week. I've spent hours struggling between planning to drink, and being terrified by the concept of trying not to. God, this is so exhausting.... Maybe I'll give myself an extra-special reward if I can make it through that single day sober. I wonder what that could be? Maybe I should quick go to my doctor and get a prescription for disulfiram before next Wednesday. I've been thinking about it. I'm not sure I can do it, otherwise. EVERYONE there will be drinking (except the little kids) and I just know I will want to so badly.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

I'm so glad to hear your fathers day turned out nice. I'm sure your husband appreciated it. I'm home on my lunch hour and very pissed off. The job I have is very demanding and I'm stretched to my limits with my workload. I got to work this morning and a huge project was dumped on me. Let's just say I almost lost it and both a smoke and drink came to mind. That is the first time in a long time that I've thought about having a cigarette. I am going to do my very best to abstain from drinking tonight, I would love a drink though.

Early mornings epwere never my workout time, it was always midday or early evening. I have always been an early riser, usually between 5:30-6:00. You're right, it is better to be OCD about working out rather than drinking. I think I should start walking again, I've been leading a very sedentary life for months now. I think I've been a bit depressed with drinking and hating my job so much.

I'm not sure what my one week reward will be. I haven't really thought about it. I am a shopaholic by nature, I'm sure I can come up with something...lol. First and foremost I need to make it one week. Right now I'm not sure I can do it. I keep telling myself I just have to get through the work week then I can have a drink. I need to change the way I think. I believe hearing your successes on a daily basis will give me the strength to stay sober. I want to quit drinking so bad, but the feeling I get when I drink is very alluring at times. The next day is what sucks. I need to remind myself of that.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Oh yeah, and Father's Day was really nice, for the most part.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Camiol,

I do feel so much better this morning. Amazing what a few hours sleep can do, even though I too am a light sleeper and wake up frequently as a matter of course. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that you rise early. Has that maybe been a good workout time in the past? It always has been for me, even hungover, because it gives me so much energy to face the rest of the day. You might consider joining a gym that opens early. I know when I did that (instead of walking) I eventually met all the early morning OCD types. I'm still friends with a couple of women I met there, even outside the gym. It's better to be obsessive-compulsive about working out instead of drinking. Besides, it might be a great way to start the day and build up some tolerance for the yucky job it sounds like you have. And think of the 6-pack abs still hiding in there....

Anyway, I am going to go have a little bit of coffee, then walk before I start the weekly grind. If I can post photos on this site, I'll show you the earrings after I buy some today. What is your 1-week reward to yourself going to be? You've already made it several days now. A week isn't that far away.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

I can totally relate to the pissy mood. When I was baking muffins yesterday, my daughter was on her laptop looking at a clothing website. She kept calling me over and over again to have a look at some of the things she liked. Each time, my patience level dropped a little bit more until I finally told her to stop, that I was too busy cooking and baking to look at what was interesting her. I felt bad later on, but the nattering was driving me nuts. Then my husband kept asking me where this tool was, and that tool is.....well holy crap I don't use the damn tools, how am I supposed to know? Ok my rant is over, today is a new day and one more day to get through without drinking.

How was your walk this morning? I wish I had your drive to get up and get moving so early in the day. I rise early, I just don't feel too motivated because I dread going to work every day.

Enjoy your day, I'm proud of you for holding tough last night and not having a drink. we will touch base again later today. I still want to hear about the earrings you purchase.

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