I was hoping to find a support group online, because any attempt I made to go to an AA session always failed. The last 4 years have included addictions to cocaine, zoplicone (sleeping aid), and alcohol. I had to quit my job in 2009 because my drug and alcohol use was 24 hours/day. I am also a smoker, but I need to put that aside because I think I need to deal with one addiction at a time. I am no longer using cocaine and do not crave it's use, but I cannot sleep without my Zoplicone and at least 8 ounces of alcohol per day. I also take my sleeping pill during the day just to deal with my anxiety. I went from being a promising Mechanical Engineer to almost losing my professional designation. I was without work for almost 2 years, got a job in call center, and last October I was offered a position with my old company. I feel like God gave me a second chance and that I'm about to blow it. I walk into work everyday with swollen, puffy eyes with red lines underneath and I'm pretty sure people at work know what's going on. I do not exercise and feel like I'm going heading towards a heart attack. I'm scared to go to a doctor because I can't sleep without my Zoplicone, but even more scared now that my doctor wants to put me on Adderal (amphetamine) so I can concentrate on my work. I cannot motivate myself to exercise, and I'm isolating myself from friends and family, simply coming home from work and watching TV, pounding back the vodka until I have to go to bed. Truth be told, I would like to cut down on the alcohol, but it stresses me out when I have to cut back. I need help!
