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11 years and counting

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2024-10-31 6:49 AM

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Feels like hell week all over!!

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Roller Coaster Withdrawal

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2024-10-14 12:28 PM

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Smile....and don't shoot the messenger

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2024-09-27 3:17 PM

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Friday & Saturday night


12 years ago 0 13 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey guys,
I definately feel the ritual or habit of drinking can be a big part of things and I am also trying to find the best ways to break this. Just thought it was interesting 
thanks!
 

12 years ago 0 1853 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Jessica,
 
You brought up some really interesting points involving the ritual of drinking.  You offer really great suggestions on how to change a destructive ritual with ones that can bring positive reinforcement and a healthy sense-of-self! 
 
reddragon, what new ritual or habits can you introduce in your day, specifically in the evenings when you feel most lonely that can replace drinking?  What activities do you enjoy doing? 
Know you are not alone in this, we are here for you!

Vincenza, Health Educator
12 years ago 0 57 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Jessica, Thanks for your thoughts.  I think you are partly right about my drinking being a ritual.  My ex-husband and I used to drink together socially but it didn't become a problem for me until he left.  The ritual part started as a "Friday night treat".  I would watch a movie, paint my nails and drink wine as a way to unwind after a long week and to try to cure some of my loneliness on Friday nights.  Then I noticed I would drink on say a Wednesday as an attempt to unwind or not deal with my loneliness. And then it has slowly progressed to where I am now and I drink almost every night and a great bit more than I used to.  I finally realized I was an alcoholic at one point. I'm still lonely. Nothing has changed. Still raising my kids alone.   And so, now I wonder how did it come this far?
12 years ago 0 61 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Reddragon,

I wonder if your noontime thoughts of drinking and your before dinner shopping trip to the wine shop, might be the 'habit' part of the addiction.  

When I used to smoke I know I hated the flavour and the stink and the inconvenience of doing it, but I would still get up at 6 am with a massive hang over and get my a*s dressed and walk to the store (cause I was still too drunk to drive) in the middle of winter to buy a fresh pack.  Buying them and preparing to smoke them was all part of the ritual and the addiction.   I found the cigarettes bf would bring home for me were not as satisfying as the ones I got myself.  The trip to the store would build me up for the pleasure I was about to experience (in reality it was disgusting just like you describe the flavour of your wine drink)... 

I'm willing to bet the noon time thought is a set up for the ritual of going to the store to select your wine and carry it home.  surely wine is a far classier beverage than a stinky beer or a vulgar vodka, so while you are selecting it you get to feel sophisticated  (even if you dont see it yourself) and classy.  Then looking at the bottle on the counter for a bit while you think about how you'll only have one glass (I was going to quit after just one cigarette from each pack I bought).

That was really long winded, sorry about that......

My point is this, do you think you could get that same satisfaction from going to the store and selecting a beautiful premium porterhouse with all the fixings and then carrying that home and making you (and your family) a gourmet dinner (probably costs only as much as the wine) and then prepare yourself for the hail of compliments and gratitude and surprise.

I have found success in quitting (smoking and drugs) by replacing those habits and rituals with less offensive rituals and habits.  i brush my teeth upward of 12 times a day and I paint my nails several times daily (on a good day), and I make my own clothing and jewellery.  I'm not sure if this kind of strategy might help you, but I thought I would share in hopes that it is beneficial to someone :)
12 years ago 0 57 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Oh! And another thing is that half the time I'm not even physically craving it. The thought of tasting wine sounds unpleasant, but I do it anyway. I just think about it and off I go...
12 years ago 0 57 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Mom! Congrats on 8 days.  It sounds like you are getting the support you need from your husband now and I hope it continues in the healthy way that it has been. Sounds like your kids are on ship too! That's great! What did you do when he pulled out the beer and the liquor? I'm sure that was a difficult moment for you.  
 
I have to say that I didn't make it through my weekend alone. I gave in and drank and slept for most of Saturday.  I've had a few nights since then that I've drank a bottle of wine.  I would like to say that I'm cutting back, but I'm not.  I have, however, been trying to get myself more organized around my house. I've been really paying attention to keeping things clean and tidy around here and I've found it occupies me a good bit and a few nights in a row I discovered that I had been so preoccupied with cooking dinner, cleaning and taking care of my girls that it was 8:00 and I had not had the first drink. 
 
I find one problem I have is that, for example, say at noon, I think, "I'm going to have a drink tonight", then that's it, I don't try to talk myself out of it at all. I head for the store at 5:00, get my wine and drink away. I'm having a hard time understanding why I do that instead of trying to talk positively to myself and forget about it. Do you do the same? What's your opinion on this?

12 years ago 0 26 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi!
I haven't been here all week.  How did you do last weekend, Reddragon?
 
My weekend was horrible!  I absolutely blew it.  Friday night my sister came over and we all had one drink together and that was fine.  Saturday and Sunday nights, I drank a huge amount of beer.....so much so, my husband finally told me on Monday that he needed to talk to me about my drinking.
 
I told him that I've already been working on my drinking, and had not had a drink since the previous Wednesday.  I knew the weekend would be tough.  He knew that I was trying to cut down drinking, and that I had asked him to keep alcohol out of the house, but Saturday his buddy came over and they sat at the diningroom table and out came a beer for each of them.  He also brought the liquor bottles in from the garage, and put them on top of my fridge, right in my face.
 
He was great to talk to on Monday and I am glad that he is part of my support team now.  I DON'T like how he talked to me those first few days.  He is a big drinker.  I don't mind him supporting me in my personal challenge, but a couple of times he sounded like the "drink police", talking to a delinquent teenager.  I told him flat out that that tone would not be productive, he needed to not talk to me like that.........but to hang in there and pretty soon he will figure out the best way to be supportive of me.  Took him a few days but he figured out that just being home with me, and distracting me with a game of cards or walk around the property is far more protective than telling me to stay strong or by talking to me like a child.
 
TODAY IS DAY EIGHT FOR ME!
 
Wow.  My husband went out of town on Saturday and even though I am alone I still have had nothing.....there's nothing in the house to drink anyway.
 
I have to ask him if he told my kids to be nice to me when he was gone....for some reason they all tell me at least twice a day how much they love me and how proud they are that I am their mother.  I imagine they appreciate the fact that I am alert and participating in their lives again finally.
 
Maybe teaching our spouses or the one or two people closest to us how to best support us is very key to having the strength to quit.  I was very annoyed with my husband for the first few days but once he figured out what support I need from him, things have been going very well.
 
Good luck to you!
12 years ago 0 11226 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm on it Mom. We have a lot going on at the moment but I will keep bringing this up for sure
 
 
Ashley, Health Educator
12 years ago 0 26 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
(where'd the rest of my post go? ha!)
 
When I calculate how much a year that adds up to, I feel sick.
 
OK I had some other great ideas that got lost somewhere but I need to get off of my very public home computer now.  Ashley, put in a vote for me to your webmaster figure out how to let me respond via my phone .
 
 
12 years ago 0 26 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley, that's a great list of ideas!
Reddragon, good idea finding someone to spend some time with over the weekend!
Sort of wish you were around here.  We are married with kids, but always have time for anyone who wants or needs to come over. 
 
I got these updates this morning as I was leaving to do my shopping chores and have been thinking about them.
 
Ashley, you mentioned going online to research games, hobbies, etc.  For me, one of the main distractions that inspires me and keeps my thoughts busy is doing something like that - not for ME, but for my KIDS.  I think about cool projects I'd like to do with them, or games I would like to teach them how to play.  Reddragon this might work for you especially if your children are gone for the weekend.  They come back, and you are armed and ready for them, waiting to teach them how to play a new card game.  Doing all of the research and prep work beforehand allows you to be a better teacher to them.  Deck of cards and time on the internet = less than bottle of wine.
 
One idea for you for THIS WEEKEND.  Figure out which of your local library branches has inhouse a copy of "The Book of Awesome" by Neil Pasricha.  Go and buy some construction paper.  Cut out a giant tree and stick it on a wall somewhere.  Cut out a whole bunch of leaves of different colours, and have on hand some markers or pens for when the kids get back.  Each day, any member of the family can write down things to stick to the "tree of awesome".  Things you like about your life, something you enjoyed about your day, something nice about another person.  This is kind of like a poster board, however, it is also a fun project you can do with your children.  Benefits you, benefits them, lets all of you do something together.  Cost of construction paper = cost of wine you would have bought.
 
If that kind of book is not your thing, how about a memoir?  In "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls, she talks about growing up with her parents who moved around all the time, and of her father who was an alcoholic.  It's not a heavy read.  I had it from the library, did not finish it in time, and went to Value Village and bought it for $2 or $3.  I do find that everything that I read that involves alcohol and the effects on a family gives me just a tiny bit more resolution to cut this out of my life.    
 
And if you don't feel like reading THAT, how about reading something that your kids would currently be reading?  Read the Hunger Games if your kids are preteen-ish age.  Once again, this involves going online and figuring out which library branch has one on the shelves.  Oh and after that, go online and figure out how to braid hair.  The main character wears a braid.  That kind of ability might be very impressive if you have preteen girls.
 
Other ideas:
-go around to garage sales or thrift shops and only spend enough money to cover a bottle of wine or two.
-at these sales or shops, look for things that you can do with your kids.  I love planning stuff for my kids, and thinking about how they will be pleasantly surprised when they get home can be inspirational.  I used to be a very cool and creative parent until I turned into the drunk and always passed out parent.  Yuck.
 
A thought on money.....my husband and I have always been very tight-fisted with our money.  We buy everything on sale and do not indulge in anything that is not necessary.  It is just so strange, though.  I KNOW that we spend on average $50/week on beer or liquor, and when I figure out how much that a

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