I had been to family counselling due to my wife forcing me to do it. Then I thought was still in control of my drinking. Didn't even know what alcoholism was. So when my counselor categorized me as a border line alcoholic (based on my false answers to the questionnaire) I just poo pooed it and went on my merry way. See back in late 80' when I drinking hard liquor, I promised to god that I will not drink but then few weeks later took back the promise justifying that I will not drink hard liquor but occasionally have a beer or 2. So that led to slow by steady spiraling down to old way of drinking. I still stuck to beer but just drank more of it. The moment of clarity came in 2006 when I was not able to present my own document I wrote couple of days earlier to an audience at work and thats when all my lies where exposed.Game over, I had to either seek help or I will be face further humiliation.
After enter AA and reading the Big Book, I looked back at my state of living during the periods where I was drinking. More of my character defects were revealed. I saw how fearful, pathetic, selfish, self-centered person I was. The 12 steps of AA helps me even today to watch for those character traits. I am not a mean person anymore, but once in a while these short comings keep cropping up, but I am aware of that. And I try to be selfless being of use to fellow human beings who are still suffering. That in turn keeps me sober. I don't obsess over alcohol anymore. And i don't have to worry about the craving because, i don't have the necessity to take that first drink.
In the book it talks our we switching from one to another, it fit me to the T. Here is the paragraph i am talking about:
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
So, when I read these, I was convinced that I am one of them and had to seek the solution that the book talks about. So I found a sponsor and did my 5th step and started making amends. So here I am close to 6 years of being sober. Bear i my I was a daily drunk. But today I have no desire to drink. I can go to parties and be me without booze.
One thing I would say about modern AA is, people get caught up in the fellowship, meaning, people propagate the idea that to recover you have to go to meetings every day rest of your life. That is not true. What you need is a 'Spiritual Awakening' that you get by working the 12 steps. I to to 2 meetings a week but I other means to work the 12 steps. As i am typing this response, i am working my 12 steps.
