Hi Vincenza and everyone else. Thanks for the helpful words. I did manage to have an uncomfortable but successful chat with my husband. I agreed that I would at the very least stop drinking alone. I'm a bit upset about this because I don't drink alone solely for the drink; I do it because I need time alone from work, family, and every other responsibility that I seem to have taken on. Being in a bar reading the newspaper, doing a crossword, is a really enjoyable way for me to do that. However, as he pointed out, is that while it may have started that way, I now can't handle it - and its true, I have been increasing what I drink while still spending the same amount of time there.
I still feel that he doesn't understand just how difficult this is for me. I asked him to accept that I will slip up and he sees that as rewarding me. For example, I went three days last week without any alcohol. On Day 4, I was tired and treated myself to two drinks. He wouldn't talk to me. He said that if he hugged me, told me he hwas happy to see me home, understands that I slipped and focuses on the three days more than the bad Day 4, that he thinks he is rewarding me and he doesn't want to reward me for drinking two pints. His heart is in the right place but I do really need his support.
I think I may have come to the conclusion that I should stop hoping he will help me in this way, because it's never going to happen. And I have managed to find a few leads on support. I emailed AA online and two people wrote back to me, one of which I have been corresponding with all weekend. I also found a local agency who offers support, its not AA but they said they will support me whether or not I choose to do AA. I am waiting for an appointment from them.
So some successes, and some things I just have to accept. The last three days when I was with my husband, I have not touched a drop! But today, I am struggling and really want to go out to a bar for lunch.
Stay strong!
