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11 years and counting

Timbo637

2024-10-31 6:49 AM

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Feels like hell week all over!!

Timbo637

2024-10-30 9:38 AM

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Roller Coaster Withdrawal

Timbo637

2024-10-14 12:28 PM

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Smile....and don't shoot the messenger

Timbo637

2024-09-27 3:17 PM

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~m


13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi ~m,
 
Slowing down and increasing awareness will take you far. I've seen results of that in you already!! Keep up the good work... and it is work, so be proud of yourself for that!!
 
 
 
Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks Foxman, that's good to know that you can have a sponsor/mentor outside of AA and have it "count".  Wish I had known that.
13 years ago 0 1562 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Nobody is a failure under the universe. People just try do the best. On the anonymity issues, i totally agree, we got to be very diligent when picking a sponsor. Our book suggests look for a tight lipped person. It could be outside AA, your close friend/priest/psychologist...
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm using my daily diary to track how much I drink (love the graphics) and the blog feature as a sort of journal.  I've kept a personal journal for years, but doing so started to lose it's effectiveness.  I'd already heard it all before  
I feel the blog provides added accountability, which I guess is why I delete it.  I want accountability, but then having it scares me. 

I like the idea of a mentor person.  Athena's plan to have a different person each day is brilliant.  Just some one to touch base with to keep me grounded.  I guess my grandbaby sort of does that for me in a way. 
 
To further calm myself, I'm using the forums here and doing the homework lessons from the Panic Center which have been quite helpful in getting me to s l o w  down and think... be aware.
 
 
13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey ~m,
 
Evidence of such great progress in those posts!! I'm proud of you! Protecting one's self should always be a priority. I suggest that you are continuting to do that now with this program. You might find that a time in the future when AA appeals to you as a concept. Perhaps with more success behind you, you could be more pro-active in ensuring that you have an effective and suitable mentor. But you don't have to make that decision today- just food for thought.
 
Are you using the daily journal? I think that is such a great tool for raising one's awareness. What else are you using for calming yourself? Is the Panic Center program helping you?
 
What is everyone else doing on a day to day basis that helps?
 
Tiana, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Josie and Marylizy for your welcome and encouragement as well.  All the good thoughts and support emanating from AHC is so very precious to me and to each and every one of us.  It makes us strong
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Foxman... very astute question.  Actually, I'm glad you asked because the story I tell myself is that I'm an AA dropout... a 12-step failure...  no surprise there.  And yet, thinking back, the lack of a suitable sponsor was probably key to my leaving the program.
 
I faithfully attended outside meetings for a year and a half after rehab.  I had two sponsors.  The first "fired" me and I "fired" the second.  My first sponsor was by-the-book and strict about how the program was to be worked.  On step 4, I needed very much to simultaneously count the good in my life... I felt like I was drowning in my history and I didn't want to lose the sense of blessing that also has been very much a part of my journey.  I've done a lot of work at various stages of my life and have forgiven many and asked forgiveness from those who suffered from being with me. This sponsor wasn't having any of it and actually was pretty shaming about my wanting to notice and hold on to the good.  She fired me because I refused to do it her way and let her control the process.

My second sponsor was more lenient.  Unfortunately, a lot too lenient in my opinion.  The Anonymous part of AA didn't seem to mean too much to her as she gossiped about members and told me private information about previous sponsees.  I didn't feel that my information was safe with her and thus found it impossible to complete the required "fearless" inventory.
 
After that, I quit.  I know..... I should have been more persistent.  I chose to protect myself instead.  I do not knock AA...It helps many people everyday.  I still hold dear many of the precepts.  I will, however, always point out that AA is a valid method toward sobriety but by no means the ONLY WAY. 
 
So thank you, Foxman, for the opportunity to answer for myself why I left and now understand why I can finally let go of all that unnecessary guilt and shame.  Let me tell you, that was a source of much anxiety.  No more. Yay   So, seriously, thank you.
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Actually Tiana, I have found that overall I am drinking less... a lot less as I uncover some truths about the anxiety.  And when I do drink ... while I still use it to calm myself, I don't need to drink so much that all feeling is obliterated.  Staying at AHC keeps me mindful of how I'm drinking ... postponing, lots of water, limiting ... etc.  It is almost happening naturally as I'm facing stuff and not running pell-mell away from everything.  It's so weird that learning to deal with my anxiety makes me less anxious about drinking.  Who knew?
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Athena, I appreciate your words of encouragement and support.  It really means a lot coming from you.  I don't feel so courageous nor that much different from anyone else.  Everyone... EVERY ONE has pain and difficulty in this life.  The least we can do is extend some kindness. Nevertheless, I am working on a list of 50 positive things about myself and am falling way short... I will take in what you wrote about me and ... um ... mostly just try not to freak out   but also... will accept it and add it to my list.   Oh, and say Thank you and mean it.
13 years ago 0 653 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi ~m,
 
As always, post as much or little of your story as you are comfortable with. You have been very brave in the last weeks and I know that will continue! I agree that getting to the underlying issues is soooo important!!
 
How are you doing these days specifically with your drinking? Finding any strategies that work best for you?
 
Tiana, Health Educator

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