Thanks for your encouragement. It means so much to know that there is someone out there who understands what this is like. I made it through yesterday without a drink! Piano and yoga got me through the worst of the evening. Fortunately my niece was over and she kept my 5 year old busy. My daughter was out at baseball.
If I am alone with them and they are fighting or crabby or upset - I think that will be when I am most likely to give into a craving right now. I am trying to keep it top of my mind that for the next little while, I need to do whatever I have to do to get through to the next day and I cannot afford to get sucked into their demands unless they really, genuinely need me.
Doing yoga for the past five days has given me a glimpse of how much better I could feel if I were fit and healthy. I have been so inactive lately. It is also a great way for me to try and still my racing thoughts.
I am just beginning to consider the possibility that I am one of those people who should never touch alcohol. I don't think I am good at moderation. As a teen I was anorexic and excercised my way down to 73 pounds. For the next 19 years, I was bulimic. I got on top of that problem with a good therapist, medication and determination to be healthy enough to get pregnant. I have replaced my eating disorder with out of control drinking (although I always drank a bit too much). Has anyone else out there struggled with eating disorders?
When I am experiencing a craving for a drink, I can get past it by drinking water or eating something. I have stocked the fridge with healthy snacks but I am afraid of replacing my drinking with out of control eating again.
My family will be my big motivator. I have a locket with a picture of my son and daughter on the day he was born. I have started wearing it every day. But I know I also have to do this for me. And for my relationship with my husband.
Day six (!) - I will not drink today.
