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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

No offence. But I do want to point out most of the treatment centers after detoxification evaluate the candidate and if they conclude that he/she may be alcoholic they introduce them to AA. However, several of them don't believe that they have a problem, they go out. After 3-4 trips to Treatment centers they either go die or embrace some form of spiritual solution. I know several members with similar stories.

There are some Hard Drunks who drink almost like the alcoholic but they don't have the "isms" they could recover without a spiritual solution and those people look down on the alcoholics and believe they should also be able to do it like them.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Of course! I'm so sorry ... I didn't mean to be disrespectful.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Excellent!! The dentist story is a great analogy.

Yes, words are very powerful!! Speaking of which, no offense intended to Foxman who is just trying to help and sharing using what works for him.

Good luck.

Tiana, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Tiana - I appreciate where Foxman is coming from, but I agree that a spiritual solution is not the ONLY way for everyone.. Thank you for stating that. Also for the reframing ideas (& words) I really think that will work with my dh as we are both getting older and paying more attention to our health. I just got so locked into the alcoholic label. I quit smoking in June and it was the same thing... as long as I was calling myself an addict he didn't want to hear it and kept bringing home cigarettes. When my dentist gave us both a lecture about smoking being bad for our teeth, he did a complete turn around and was very supportive. I guess the words and labels we use have a lot more power than I realized.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Merle and ~m,

I don't think that the only solution is spiritual. There are many solutions, some of which you are learning in this program. Definitions can sometimes be helpful, but sometimes box us in. Sometimes we can get what we need from people without agreeing on the terms but rather on the goals. What if you present your goal to your support person/system as wanting to just make healthier choices with your drinking? Then no label is required. It is important to enlist the help of the people closest to you, and perhaps there won't be the judgement if there is no stigmatizing label to go with it. Think more about using words like awarenss, health, choices, and support when you ask for help. I know this sounds easy but may not be! But I hope re-framing this work will help.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Tiana, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Hi Merle,

Welcome to the AHC forums. My situation sounds very similar to yours. I don't "look" like a drunk so I must not be one. I don't need to stop or cut back because I handle it just fine... ah, what they don't see. I am trying to find a balance between doing this for ME regardless of how my dh feels about it while still respecting how HE feels about it. . I'm not asking him to stop or cut back his own drinking... Their active support would be great, but sometimes we have to find our way without it. I think it is possible, especially with the support we can get here. Anyway... welcome! It's good to hear from someone else who is struggling with similar issues.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

"Why can't you stop at a few drinks when you know what you are like when you drink too much... why can't you just control yourself and stop doing stupid things?"

Dear Merle,

Non-Alcoholics don't understand this concept of physical craving we go thru after we take that first drink. The off to the races. And also the obsession of the mind that forces us to drink after a gap.

If you are on an Alcoholic, there is no question of cutting down or controlling the drinking, the physical craving does not allow that. So don't get frustrated that you are not able to cut down or quit.

If you are alcoholic, the only solution is Spiritual.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Hi merie,

Welcome to the site. Great to have you aboard.

In terms of dealing with your current situation take a look at maintenance section of the online program (go to "maintenance" then "support team") It gives some tips on how to get your family on board with your new lifestyle changes. If you have any question after reading, please feel free to post them to the group.

Continue by going through the rest of the online program in order. It will help with formulate a coping plan for tough times which is really helpful in the first couple of days and weeks.

Also, start reading through the forums. I think you'll find there are many people out there you can relate to. The forum is also full of advice and will offer you the wisdom of many diverse experiences in relation to alcohol addiction.

Please let us know how you're doing. And don't forget to share your success with us also.

Jason, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

Hi Everyone.

I just joined today. One of the obstacles I'm facing, and have faced every time I've tried to quit alcohol or cut down, is that my husband won't acknowledge that I'm an alcoholic because I don't fit his definition ... I don't drink in the morning, I never throw up or pass out, I hate straight liquor ... you know, I don't look like one on TV. So he is always frustrated, like "Why can't you stop at a few drinks when you know what you are like when you drink too much... why can't you just control yourself and stop doing stupid things?"

The problem is, I really feel like I need his support to do this.

Thanks!

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