Hi Doodlesink,

I am so glad you have a close circle of friends, that is so important. It also sounds like you are using a lot of great coping strategies. Nice work.

Please let us know what you find out about codependency and how you think it might be impacting you. I am interested to hear.

Thank you,

Ashley

Hi Ashley, it’s very nice to meet you and thank you for the reply.

I have been working very hard at staying in the moment. The heartache is easing somewhat. It still hurts if I let it so the challenge is keeping my focus positive and moving forward.

I am extremely lucky to have an amazing circle of friends who are warm and supportive and they have been great at sharing stories of their own heartbreak. It does bring some peace to see that it’s possible to come out on the other side... stronger.

I am an illustrator so I have started a large healing piece at my drafting table. I have also joined a meet up group and will work on expanding my social circle.

It was also suggested that I research co-dependency... I have and I certainly see a pattern.

Hi Doodlesink,

I am sorry to read about your experience. Unrequiented love is so very painful; especially because you invested so much time and care into this relationship. How have you allowed yourself to mourn this loss? Also, how have you been trying to move on? As painful as it is, an ending does leave room for new hope and new experiences. Instead of investing so much time into chatting with her, you can now focus on things just for you. It is easier said then done, but taking things one step at a time is all you can do right now. In the mean time, we are here to read whenever you feel like posting.

I hope to read more from you soon,

Ashley

Ok... so currently sitting here on this site due to, in part, to my own actions.

Three years ago I met and was actively (and with smooth talent) pursued by a friend of a friend who turned my head the minute she walked into the room. I have never really been one to be drawn to people and have had a low volume of partners in my 54 years. For whatever reason, this time was different.

It was a unique courtship... with invitations to dinner, over-night hang outs at her place and slow introductions into her circle of friends. During this time I was told that nothing more would happen due to the unresolved feelings of grief from the loss of her wife 4 years prior. Yet, the courtship continued. With this new undefined friendship/relationship, came her introduction of daily texting... all day.... every day. I was hooked.

Here is where it turned. One weekend, where plans were made for us to do the usual hang out on a Friday.. she appeared in my end of the forest with a suitcase and no plans. With a big smile she was in town for the weekend and we were soon booked into a hotel and everything rolled from there. A romantic relationship began. This blissful adventure would soon come to a screeching hault, a short 2 months later as people slowly became aware.

To save a ton of typing, to sum it up... we (against my better judgement) stayed friends. She continued to text all day, everyday. Wanted to know everything about my day, life, thoughts. I did walk away once and was easily lured back in. I expressed my feelings... I had fallen in love. This is a very rare thing for me. She promised to respect the feelings and our friendship. This did not happen. Usually while out in group settings, she often spoke of her desire to date someone (ouch)... she would then describe what we basically shared (double ouch).

This past Christmas we took a week long vacation together along with two other friends (of hers)... during this trip I felt I was only along to assist with the cost of the AirBnB. We returned home, and I had decided it was time to change the dynamic of this odd relationship as it was becoming much too painful. Well it seems the decision was made for me two days after NYE.... in a text she messaged

"BTW met someone NYE.. we have been texting, she asked me out, I said yes. I told you I would let you know"

I walked away from 3 years of pain and confusion that day. I know I did the right thing, but wow.... this has packed a punch. The pain I am feeling is at times unbearable. I have cut all contact and have removed her from all social media.

The pain comes from a couple of places.... Love not returned, being hurt by someone who I never thought would and her lack of empathy or sympathy. In the end, she really did not care at all. I simply supplied something she needed ... and yes, clearly our mostly text relationship filled a void for me.

With a little time and distance, I have now realized I would drop everything for her. My friends all told me to walk away and I would ignore all advise. They saw it, but I was in too deep.

I am hurting hard, feeling used and angry for losing my self respect and dignity. I was honest, warm and caring and in the end, so easily dismissed.

Feels good to write it down. Naturally there is much more but this is basically it.