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Winter blues

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 880

Hello:

I see here a theme which runs deep in many a soul. I too find myself wandering the depths of winter with heavy foot steps. But I also believe that the hardest times may be fertile ground for greater victory. Remember, you are on a noble quest here. By seeking cessation, you are doing the right thing. Do not be dismayed because passing seasons make the journey more difficult. Be glad knowing that you are stronger for facing the task with resolve and hope...

stay well

nonic

In The Winter

The sky is slate grey and the wind is moving across the land like a freight train flying through the night. My vegetable garden, bereft of its summer color and life giving intensity, is quietly sleeping beneath a blanket of snow. In some ways I am asleep too. My body moves a bit slower against the cold, my bones know all to well that the sun has gone away and my extremities remind me that it takes extra time now for my blood to reach its appointed destination. Winter can be the hardest of times.

The only bit of me that is fully awake is my mind as it surveys the scene. It surely understands the necessity of the season, it knows full well that desolation leads to renewal, that hopelessness is the spring board of hope, that loneliness can be the harbinger of friendship and that silence can sometimes be the mother of laughter. However, knowing these things does not always sooth the soul. Winter can be the the hardest of times. And so I begin to silently recount all of the steps I have taken to care for my garden. All during the warm weather, compost has been created and applied in generous form. The clay that originally laid here has been softened to loam with the addition of sand and constant tilling, lime too has been applied. Straw has been mixed in to further break down the clay.
Many cows have added their droppings to increase the nitrogen content and iron and other nutrients have been laid down in proper quantity. I wonder if the bacteria I am trying to promote are slowed by cold. Perhaps so, but I imagine that they are doing their bit as well as they are able. These thoughts make me happy in counterpoint to the visual effect of the scene which pulses with isolation and loneliness. My garden in reality is truly alive even though all observations point to the contrary.

And then I begin to wonder is this my garden or do I belong to it? After all it provides a good portion of my dietary requirements. Yes, I feed it generously, but it is from its bounty that I draw my life force. I labor at it with good intent, yet it did not choose to be a vegetable garden. It would have been content just being a
patch of grass. It is a symbiosis, but since I did choose to create its identity, I must conclude in the end that it is my garden and being so I am the one responsible for its well being...Even in the coldest of times.

As it is with my garden so it is with my body. It is my body, given to me by forces that I will never fully comprehend. A gardener of vast skills must have chosen my identity. But I have no knowledge of my own beginnings. All I have are echoes of that creation that come to me as a small voice speaking volumes. And the greatest of these missives that comes to me over and over is a reminder that I am responsible for maintaining that which has been given to me. For better or worse I am the gardener now. And as everyone knows a garden can not prosper without proper feeding and looking after.

This season is always difficult for me and I must assume that I am not unique in this regard. I know that fighting an addiction can be hard, sometimes seem impossible and often leave you feeling isolated and hopeless. But take heart, defeating this addiction may be one of your greatest achievements in this life. Use the wintry times to recall the things you have done to break the cycle and be proud of yourself for the doing. Understand that quitting is not a passive activity. In order to reap the harvest, much labor is required. Understand not only the nature of the addiction, but what you are getting from it. If you are creative you will find that you can acquire the same things from less lethal sources. There are times when you will feel loneliness. Many people (including me) forged a bond of friendship with cigarettes. Come here and post your feelings. You may find that others are going through the same. You are not alone.

And most of all, in the coldest of times, remember that the garden is only sleeping. Renewal will come. Each of us is the owner of our own garden, feed it well...

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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Kristine,

Sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. SAD is actually quite common in colder climates and it can get serious at times. If you like you might want to check out our sister site the depression center at www.depressioncenter.net. You might also want to look into light therapy. I have heard it can be quite effective. Otherwise you are doing all the right things. Exercise and eatting healthy is hugely important to your overall mood especially when you are struggling with SAD. If you are not able to get outside perhaps there are some videos you might like? I think Zumba is great fun I also enjoy p90x but there are tons to chose from, search through reviews to find what works for you. Keeping social and doing pleasant activities you enjoy every day is also important to maintaining a healthy mood. What have you been doing that you enjoy lately?

We'll be here to support you whenever you need us. Know you're not alone in this.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 96

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a lot all at once. :( It can be hard to determine how much of what we feel is situational, seasonal, normal, abnormal, etc. I think sometimes just talking about it helps and knowing that you're not alone (you're not!!). It's also really stressful not to have control in certain situations (like with work, car troubles, etc), especially when they come out of the blue.

It's great that you're taking a real lunch break, sometimes I find it enormously helpful just to step away from what I'm doing and clear my head. Maybe do something special once a week to look forward to, and it doesn't even have to be going out. Maybe plan to make a special dinner with your husband with music and candles once a week, or have a movie night. You have your yoga class to look forward to, and remind yourself that as obnoxious it is to have to go once a week, I'm going to assume you always feel better when you do. :) I take a class every Tuesday night and while in the winter I hate having to go I'm always glad I go. It helps that I pay for it, so I feel an extra layer of obligation to show up.

But ultimately, you have to cope with stress somehow, and if it helps to camp out in your home for a few days or weeks, and you're not feeling miserable, and you're not smoking... then it can't be all that bad!

And keep in mind... it could be worse. It was -5℉ when I left for work this morning here in Chicagoland, with the high of the day in the balmy, sunny 20s. I'm soooooo glad I'm not having to go out there and smoke 20 times a day.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

I now live in a southern part of the country too! I lived in Boston for a while and I think the winter there actually made me insane. I'm so much happier now that I live somewhere where at least it's not a punishment to go outside in the winter, even if the days are still too short.

I can't really go somewhere public during work hours because I talk on the phone a lot for my job, unfortunately. But I have been trying to have an actual "lunch break" in which I walk up to the market and back, just to get a little daylight.

Another thing I have thought about doing is starting a little project. We can't really afford new furniture, so sometimes we get used stuff that's in bad shape and I refinish it to make it look new. We have these kitchen table chairs that I've been afraid to take on because they have all these fussy embellishments that will be hard to strip, but maybe what I need right now is a tough and meticulous project that has to take place in the outside light of the garage.

For me, even though giving into it sounds nice, I have found from experience that it ultimately just makes me feel worse. I can't tell if I have really been experiencing a string of stressful events or if the winter blues/not smoking combined is just making regular events seem stressful, but this week alone I had to do a thousand dollars' worth of repairs on my car AND found out I didn't get a job I applied for that I really wanted AND found out I am not getting a performance bonus at my current job which is the kind of bull**** that makes me want to get a new job. All I want to do is get in bed and sleep until Monday. But that won't fix anything so I guess I have to drag myself back to yoga tonight and then try to re-energize for the weekend.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1140

Hi Kristine,

My mood and energy level is also stronlgy affected by the seasonal light cycles. One of the reasons I live in a southern part of the U.S. is that the winters aren't quite as dak as they are up north.

As far as dealing with it, exercise like you have been doing is helpfu. I do also get tired and overwhelmed during some of the darkest points. Sometimes, I just chose to accept it, and allow myself extra sleep at night and some non-activity/ hang out at the house by myself days. Basically, my body is trying to hibernate or brumate, so I let it do so a little bit.

Take heart. Solstice is only 9 days away. Then the light will start to come back.

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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 96

For some reason my eyes glossed over the "work from home part" so I'm not sure how useful any of my below suggestions are. :) I've never worked from home for more than a week or so at a time, but I personally find it helpful to get up at the same time with my alarm clock and go to bed on a regular schedule, shower and dress when I'm working from home just as I would if I went in to work. It makes me less likely to feel like it's a weekend. Not sure how useful that is for you if you work from home every day. Maybe schedule a couple of hours you can work from a coffee shop, just to get out of your house for a little while? I find it very helpful just to get up and walk around, going outside helps me even more, just to get my mind out of any kind of funk.

My therapist (btw, if you can afford it, therapy is worth its weight in gold) also suggested that I think about things I can do to reward myself more often, not just for not smoking, but for accomplishing goals, etc. And not necessarily rewards that cost money. I thought this list was useful: http://zenhabits.net/reward-yourself-without-spending-lot/

It is really hard though with the minimal daylight hours. I feel like I drive to work before the sun rises and it's setting while I'm driving home again. I have friends who swear by full-spectrum lamps, but I've never used one so I can't put in my two cents. Mentally though, I always remind myself that December 21st is the worst as far as daylight hours, and after that it's only getting better.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 96

I'm struggling with many of the same things myself. One thing that has helped is going to the library or a Starbucks between work and home, someplace I can read or use my laptop for a while and be productive before I go home and hibernate. Because once I get home and get those pyjamas go on I know nothings gonna get accomplished afterward except maybe mindless internet surfing. I know it's a struggle to keep exercising but try to find a way to squeeze it in. I'm finally able to run again, so I'm doing that often. That said, running is my drug of choice so I'll be running whatever the weather and hitting the treadmill if I can't run when conditions are right. Can you go for a run during your lunch break at work? I don't know how flexible your schedule is. I usually work 6-4 so I can usually squeeze in at least a short run after work before it gets too dark. Also, get together with friends or try to find an activity to do once or twice a week and really commit to doing it. The hardest thing is walking out the door but you'll always be glad you did. I hope you find something that works out for you!!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Anybody else out there fighting both their addiction and the winter blues? I get them every year around this time -- the lack of daylight really gets to me. I wind up powering through the holidays only to hermit myself all through January. Literally. The first January I was living with my husband he had to point out to me that I hadn't left the house or even put on real clothes in a week (I work from home which doesn't help). After he made me aware of how weird I was being, I started trying to fight it with exercise and forcing myself to do projects. But it's always a struggle.

I don't even really want to smoke since it's cold and dark, but having to constantly steer my thoughts away from it is getting harder and harder now that I am also trying to constantly steer my thoughts away from the winter blues. I had been going for runs after work to clear my head and blow off steam, but now it's dark by the time I finish work, and my neighborhood isn't really safe enough for a girl to go jogging alone at night. Plus it's cold and I don't feel like it. I dragged myself to yoga last night but it was tough.

I know I just have to get through the next couple of months. I always feel really energized and happy when the days start getting longer and warmer. In the meantime, do people have things they do other than exercise and eating well to blow off steam?

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