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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2778

Hey Kristine!!

I'm happy to hear that it is getting better for you now! I'm a great believer in Positive Mental Attitude and remember it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown!

Many successful quitters had similar mood swings and it's normal! You've given up a powerfully addictive substance which was also a stimulant. You have lost something by quitting and you are going to feel like you are missing something for a while. It sounds like you have acknowledged that and have seen it for what it is. Now you can let it go.

Keep hanging in there and keep your eyes on the prize! Freedom is totally awesome and it IS going to get better every day! Oh yeah... keep those rewards coming!

Jim

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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

So it has been four days since I made that really depressing post and I'm very happy to report that I am feeling a LOT better. I think just acknowledging that I was feeling really low -- here and also to my husband, who I had been trying to fake it around because he is quitting as well and I didn't want to bring him down -- helped a ton. And the weekend seemed like it had been intentionally engineered to make me feel good about quitting:

Friday night I went to a show at which the only place smoking was permitted was a tiny fenced-in area outside the venue. I didn't even think about it until we were walking out at the end and saw all the sad smokers crammed in there getting their fixes, and then I was SO HAPPY not to be one of them.

Saturday night a friend and I drove to a cute little town just outside the city to walk around and explore. Again, it wasn't until we were reading menus trying to find a place to eat dinner that I noticed the signs prohibiting smoking anywhere along the main street. I remembered all the times I'd tried to sneak one in situations like that, the dirty looks people would give me, like I was a criminal. You know, that whole world of rules and censure and deprivation smokers are aware of that non-smokers don't even know exists.

Sunday morning I had power yoga, which always felt great, but feels so much better now that I'm not semi-asphyxiating myself with cigarettes. Weirdly, I think the instructor has even noticed that something is up -- not that I quit smoking, but that I am suddenly improving much faster for some reason. He comes over and helps me with my poses a lot more than he used to and I am getting more pretzel-y with every class.

So, lots to be cheerful about on this Monday morning! I will try to remember this great feeling so I can think back on it if the sadness tries to return.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Kristine,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Quitting is a real battle; especially when feeling as down as you are. It is inspiring to hear how strong you are and how you can still understand this is temporary even when it doesn't feel temporary at all. When you smoked, nicotine triggered the release of neurotransmitters in your brain. These neurotransmitters are responsible for good mood. When you quit, it isn't uncommon for your mood to take a nose dive. Exercise which you are already trying can help. Rewards and getting outside can also provide a mood boost. Also, keep reminding yourself that this is temporary and a normal and really crappy part of withdrawal. You will get through it and soon have more energy and feel better then ever. Until then feel free to vent as much as you want. Little by little that hole will get filled up! Look for small changes in mood. Be easy on yourself.

If you are ever concerned with your withdrawal symptoms severity or length it is a good idea to see a doctor.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 186

Hi Kristine82

I so remember feeling like you are now.I thought the Zombie stage would never end but

it does and Life gets so much better.In regards to the skin note,if you think about all the poisons in

a smoke that you put in your blood stream that feeds your body your skin is for sure going to improve by not smoking.

Your rewards are just beginning.

Enjoy them all.

N.O.P.E.

Sherry

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, both of you. It's nice to know other people have felt this way; I think that's why I post these not especially encouraging things, because it's comforting to hear that other people felt these ways and got through it. I'm glad "zombie month" is a thing -- makes me feel less like I am losing my mind.

I wrote that late yesterday afternoon; now it's morning where I am (west coast) and I actually feel a bit cheerier than I did. The afternoons have been really hard for me, for whatever reason. This morning I am glad I didn't smoke and had a good jog and dragged myself to a dinner I didn't want to go to last night where I actually had a great time. I noticed that even though I slept really poorly (another thing that's been going on that's making it hard for me to function, which is unrelated to quitting smoking and has to do with the fact that I am having a total career meltdown right now) my skin looked great compared to how it did when I was smoking a pack a day.

I don't think it's previously unrecognized depression revealing itself, although it's certainly possible; it feels more like just rearranging all my emotions around not having cigarettes to turn to, which is hard. Working On It, you are right that it feels like losing a close friend.

I know it will get better eventually, but in the meantime, thanks for being there for me. Nobody I know in person has been through this, so it really helps.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 816

Hello Kristine82 It seems that some people have a harder time of quitting smoking than others. Some people stop and never look back and others , like myself , have to struggle on a daily basis to make it through. To my way of thinking " the hole " is very real and is addiction personified. It's black , round , bottomless , empty and the fibre of my addictive being. I know that it's a terrible place and thought at times that I might fall in. The hole doesn't discriminate , any addiction will do. Whether it be smoking . alcohol . gambling or food the addiction can be released all over again. It's the hole that can't be filled. The only way to fill the hole is to starve the addiction out over time. One day and I hope it's soon you'll wake up and realise that the emptiness is no longer there. Time is the great healer. You've done great to make it through the last couple weeks. Some call the first month zombie month for a reason. Because you're young the days sometimes seem like they will never end but the older we get the faster time goes. I think that you're amazing for stopping smoking at such a young age. It can and will get better. Excellent for you. breather

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1140

Hi Kristine,

First, thanks for sharing your thoughts here. I think it's helpful for both the poster and numerous readers when people use this board to honestly process their emotions. I've used the board this way many times.

Second, smoking can sometimes mask other issues, like depression. When the smoking stops, hidden depression symptoms can emerge. You might want to check in with your doctor on this.

Third, I think that there is a sense of loss and grief when we give up cigarettes. This might be what is behind your depression symptoms and feelings of emptiness. I remember feeling that I was losing an old, reliable friend. The health educators suggested that I write a eulogy to that cigarette "friend." When I did, it helped me to feel some of the sadness and let it go. It might be something to try.

Fourth, I think what you are doing here with the self awareness is one of the best ways to cope. Acknowledging our experiences, emotions, and even our lack of emotions at points are all great coping tools. I find that there is something about just acknowledging that allows me to completely feel where I'm at and then just move on. In fact, that practice got me through some pretty rough craves early on; sometimes, me simply saying, "I really want to smoke right now" and accepting that feeling kind of magically allows that desire to pass on through. It also works when I'm feeling sad, angry, and even numb. It's one of those paradoxical things.

Oh, and don't forget to breathe. people tend to hold their breath when trying to hold onto or resist certain emotions. Focusing on breathing will allow you to feel whatever it is that your body is trying to resist by numbing out.

Good luck with this. I'll be thinking of you.

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11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 54

(Just had to vomit out some words . . . long post, sorry.)

I don't know how it's possible to be feeling worse lately, but I am. We hit the two-week mark yesterday, which should have been an occasion for celebration; my husband couldn't stop going on and on about how great he felt, but I feel worse every day, like nothing can really make me happy. Of course, he was one of those "I only smoke socially" people, while I was one of those "I only don't smoke when I'm sleeping" people. So that may account for the differences in our moods.

The best way I can describe it right now is it's like there's a hole and nothing will fill it. No point even trying, but I have tried, and I've tried just about everything: water, food, fancy wine, exercise. The times I feel the best are right after working out but they don't last long. Even then, it's not so much that I've filled the hole as that I've obliterated all thought through exhaustion. Still, it's turning into a secondary addiction, power yoga three times a week, grueling uphill runs on the other days, anything to keep myself from thinking about the hole.

The weird thing about the hole is it's not really a craving, or a set of cravings. My cravings are shorter and further apart now, and I feel like I can pretty much handle 'em; the advice I often see here, to wait a few minutes and see if the craving goes away, works well for me, maybe because I am easily distracted. The hole isn't so much a feeling as an absence of feeling. The hole is boredom and lack of enthusiasm for anything and the sneaking suspicion that nothing's ever really going to be fun again. Like, my friend e-mails me asking if we can go to a cute neighborhood and walk around and explore Saturday night, and the first thing I think to myself is "Oh great, another night of faking it." Because all activities just sound dull and lifeless and pointless, even the ones that should be delightful.

I know I'd be even more depressed if I did smoke, so it's not really about that. It's just feeling like it will never, ever get better, that I have permanently damaged my brain chemistry or something, that I'll never get joy out of anything ever again.

If I think about it rationally I know I've really only had this feeling for a few days, and I'll probably only have to slog through a few more. In the meantime, though, I'm like this zombie. It's all just exercise and playing video games and glancing at the clock every three seconds to see if it's a reasonable time to go to bed yet. The days just seem to go on and on forever, full of time I can't fill.

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