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High standards


10 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I think you make great points dsb8551!

I think we all need to remind ourselves to be a bit less critical, especially with ourselves.

It can be hard to remember some times, can't it? I find sometimes focusing on what to be thankful for automatically makes me a bit less ciritical. How do you remind yourself? 

Ashley, Health Educator
10 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Also, if you are like me, every time you do something not quite perfect you feel like maybe it's ok to punish/reward yourself with a cigarette, or maybe it's OK to slip up and smoke because you've already "failed" and are beating yourself up for it.
10 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm sorry you haven't gotten a response sooner. I am exactly the same way. I like to be the world's leading expert at everything I do, immediately, and know everything there is to know, yesterday if not sooner. I have a hard time getting negative feedback (even though it's the best kind of feedback, take it from an electrical engineer) because I have a hard time disconnecting the lesson to learn from personal criticism. I think the #1 thing to keep in mind is that failure isn't a reflection of your character, but I know exactly how hard it is to remember that at times. Mistakes aren't a problem unless you don't learn from them.
 
It definitely ties into smoking because, at least for me, I feel like I have to be good at quitting, and when I'm not, when I struggle with it, it adds another load of stress to the equation. I feel like I'm supposed to be really good at everything that I do, so when I am constantly battling with thoughts about smoking, it seems like I should be so beyond that already. I also overanalyze things to death (which was good for getting a PhD, not so good for quitting smoking) which leads me to second guess everything I do, which does not help when I'm having those awful addict thoughts about relapsing. Don't play devil's advocate with an addict.
 
Wish I could offer some advice, other than to just go easy on yourself. If anybody else knows how to stop being your own worst enemy, I'll be all ears!!! 
10 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Does anyone here struggle with perfectionism? I have known this about myself since I was a kid. I have always had high, rigid and unreasonable expectations for myself- and others. When I quit smoking, at first I try to be perfect at everything- exercise, eat right, etc. So when I realize I'm doing this, I end up taking a step back. I have been too hard on myself and on those around me for too long. No one is perfect, right? I feel much better as I try to accept myself for me, and stop trying to save the world and solve everyone's problems. It feels selfish, even though it is not- I cannot change people around me! The awesome thing is I WANT to change my thinking and perspective so that I am not so critical on myself and others. I don't know how related this is to smoking, but I notice every time I have quit I fall back into this extreme perfectionist trap.

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