Hi Island,
I relate to what you are saying about the grieving. In fact, I think I may have even described it as grieving the loss of a friend at one point. One of the health educators then suggested that I write a eulogy to smoking. It seemed like an odd but interesting exercise, so I did it for one of my blogs. Afterwards, I found that I had processed a lot more of the loss from doing the exercise. It really was a significant step in my letting go. Later, I noticed that a few others did the same exercise to help with letting go, as well. If you choose to do it, I hope you'll share it with the rest of us.
As for the mother issues, Oy vey! That one is a toughie. My mother didn't smoke, but she can say and do things that push me towards more self destructive behavior. I still haven't told her that I have quit, since I don't want to hear sabotaging commentary. As Brenda noted about herself on another thread here, I am also working on developing connections and moving away from self destructive behaviors. But sometimes, we've got to to say good-bye to the the familiar--the mean ones that we used to call friends.
I suspect that all of us have some personal issues that led us to smoke and have made it harder for us to quit. Honestly, the physical addiction ain't that big of a thing in comparison to the head trips we all have. Think about it. It only takes 3 days to detox completely. That is all there is to physical addiction. The rest is our mental stuff. Our fears, our anxieties, our behavioral habits, our desire to push others away or draw them closer via the habit, our rebellion against authority, our oral fixations, our refusal to admit that starting was a mistake, our comfort seeking , etc. That's the part we have to examine in order to keep the quit.
Thanks for the great post. I was afraid to address some of the "psycho" issues before. I didn't want to get into a negative, whining discussion that triggered someone's relapse (maybe even mine
) Somehow, the way that you addressed it allows for a more constructive discussion.
