Satori, you say you are not angry with yourself or even guilty. I say you feel both or you else you wouldn't have posted using a sorry _a__-title. I think we need two types of love to get the job done-- the soft forgiving kind, and tough love. Beating yourself up will not help, but taking responsibility for continuing to smoke will. You really do determine your own fate when it comes to this issue. You just have to decide not to smoke and you'll know when you've made that decision because you won't smoke. It isn't likely that quitting will be easier next week or next month or next year. I had to understand that before I was able to be successful at quitting. I had to commit to my quit. Quitting is something I do constantly; its just feels automatic now. However, getting to that point took practice. I had perfected the art, science, and economics of smoking and had to practice undoing the learning. To quit smoking, first off you have to not smoke. Then you have to continue to practice not smoking. After a while, you'll ignore the packs behind the convenience store counters, get away from people who are smoking or who smell of smoke. I now believe I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. That's tremendous progress.