Hi Hengest; It's a self fulfilling prophecy. Your blog I mean. Your wrote: 'What if I fail? Oh wait . . .I will'. Two days later, you wrote: 'I did!'. You even titled this post 'Need to quit, but can't'. So you are highly intelligent (you'd never get through your master's program if that’s not the case). So what if you were to apply for grad school - got all your applications together and then said: 'By the way, I desperately want to be accepted here, but I'm not very optimistic that I'll be able to make it through the program. You know, I really want to, but what if I fail? Oh wait . . . I will.'
Do you think you'd add that tag line at the end of your application? I highly doubt it! Just taking a chance here, but my guess is that you'll be doing your utmost to outline your successes - and project your belief that you're worthy! Also, you probably know in your heart that you can & will find a way to make it work - through your application process, into grad school (you'll make it!) and right through the next incredible 6 years you're anticipating now! You'll make it - because you believe you will!
Now your smoking habit is just that - a habit! You aren't your addiction! You're a wonderful young person ready to embark on your dream. You simply have a habit that you'd like to change. But you know your subconscious mind is assimilating all your thoughts and each time you think, post, speak or stress over the idea that you can't beat this demon, the more you're ingraining this 'truth' into your belief system! Self fulfilling prophecy!
Now you will beat this thing - I have no doubt! But you really don't have to do it today! It's okay to spend time preparing for your quit - setting a date - and allowing yourself to totally love your vanilla tipped cigars as long as you're smoking them! You may as well give yourself permission without guilt until you feel ready. Then one day when you're fed up, that last smoke tasted like crap; you hate your breath; your crave level is low (it happens ya know) Then - you set out with your plan, (make sure to have one, just like for school) support network in place, and your belief that a measly little brown tube of tobacco has no chance to overpower you. With that attitude, you will find your desire to say NOPE - Not One Puff Ever. Then you will find your way to success - it will show up for you - maybe it will be staying at your parents' place for a bit, maybe it will be laser therapy (as Satori recently discovered) along with your cold turkey quit; maybe a short time on the patch so you don’t feel the blues so bad (and need your brain for school). But you will find your success when you truly believe your reasons to quit smoking outweigh the benefits you believe you receive from smoking. Wishing you all the best! Eyja
