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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 41

Eya, just read your post, I hope you made it sistah. Hang in there.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 41

Eya, It has been three weeks for me, a month for you. You would think that the nicotine being gone would mean that we are free at last. Funny, it doesn't work that way. I don't get it. I told my husband yesterday that I wish he could feel how I feel, so he could tell me if it is normal. I don't have nicotine in my system, so is this my normal. He told me I am crazy if I think that I can get over all nicotine effects in 3 days or 3 weeks for that matter. I need to be a lot easier on myself. I made it through my party on Saturday. I can go to a party and not smoke.

Second, I was talking to him about how much I used smoking on the weekends to relax. While cleaning, I would clean for an hour then take a break for a smoke and read. It broke up the boredom of chores. I am going to have to figure out a way to handle that better. The good news is that I have saved my body from 447 cigarettes and all of the chemicals. I am really committed to the mission. NOPE. Eya, shy one, I hope you will stay committed, cuz the truth of the matter is if we don't, we have to do all of this BS again, or choose to let smoking gradually diminish the effectiveness of our bodies, and it will. It does it gradually, so we get sucked in and accept the diminishment, and we don't need to. Wow, I am on a rant. BTW, I gave myself a day off today. I earned it!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 45

Hang in there eya!!! I so want to buy you an external hard drive for your 1-month so that you can back up all your data.

Speaking of /Format B(rain): I've been feeling out of sorts with that, too. I was feeling like I was not myself without the d*** cancer sticks. Then a friend of mine told me that I had already learned and internalized everything that I am with the cigarettes. That the cigarettes were just a way of allowing myself to be what I already am. And that, like any good mentor, therapist or teacher, the cigarettes can now go on their merry way, having helped make me what I am.

Granted, that's a pretty nice way to describe poison wrapped in paper...and maybe that's giving those things too much credit. But what else was he going to say while I'm curled up on the bathroom floor, crying "I MISS MY FRIENDS!" (God, that sounds demented...) Anyway, it helped me see that I can be myself, that I do NOT have to strip myself of my identity just because I no longer smoke. I just have to associate strength, individuality and confidence with something other than cigarettes now. I know that, ideally, I should associate those things with myself. Why does that seem so hard??? LOL!

In other news, I've been awake for an hour and I haven't yet cried. Then again, the day is young. But so far it's going OK. I can do this. I can get out there and...um...interact...with people.

Have a good day everyone!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Shevie and ShyOne - Your replies tonite were great to see! Going to bed early - haven't slept in weeks, but am exhausted, so this is the first reward I am indulging in so far. Sleep . . . perchance NOT to dream! That would be just great! Last night I dreamt that my computer's HD was wiped completely and I'd lost all my work to the blue screen of death. Then in my dream I found out that my comp was just a reflection of myself and my brain was wiped clean too - a full Format! All gone! I have been posting away here and doing everything except the reward thing - I've been feeling like I need to punish myself for being such an Idiot as to waste so many of my potential college course $$ on smokes over the past 3 years. I would be 6 years Quit if I'd hung in there since my Last Quit - but OH NO - couldn't pull that off! And never came here for help then, because I thought I was so cool and could do this simple little Quit thing on my own! ARGGHHH!

Shevie - Thanks for letting us know that we're feeling 'normal' here - (find that a bit hard to believe, but am going on Faith; if you say so!) No embraces yet! - and glad I don't have an abscess like yours ShyOne! Cozmo (where are U?) is right! Shevie; you are very good at your hobby

Roxie - I hope you can afford a bit of time off if you can swing it sweetie - and you definitely deserve to accept that apology to yourself! Some TLC does sound much better, huh?

JoDee - Hope your weekend was Fine! Still Lookin' fwd to that great pic~! Let's just say NOPE!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 45

Shevie and eya, you guys are great...I am really, really, really happy I'm not alone in this. Well, not really ALL that happy, because I wouldn't wish this mental state on anyone (OK, maybe a few people), but grateful to know that this is...uh...normal...

Shevie, I don't think it sounds corny to embrace this. Actually, it kind of reminds me of when I had an abscess...I had to have it drained and about 2 feet of medical packing shoved into the wound every other day. I'd just kind of relax and let go and breathe...It was a lot easier to handle that way. So yeah...I get it.

eya, I'm really glad you posted, because I'm having a similar experience and it helped a lot to read your post. Earlier today I was even wondering if I would qualify for days off under the Family and Medical Leave Act! Then I remembered that I work as an independent contractor and that, like you, I HAVE to show up!

I can potentially take off Friday night and Saturday afternoon. I hate to do that, but at this point I feel that it's justified. I need to lighten some of my workload so that I can get through this.

Another reason I'm glad you posted is that you reminded me that, especially right now, I need to be my own best friend! I'm extremely prone to beating myself up, and I just realized how many horrible things I've said to myself this week... No wonder I'm crying my eyes out... I'm not even sure I'm allowed to repeat them on these message boards!

I think I owe myself an apology and some TLC...I will if you will!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 97

Roxie and Eya, you are both approaching the one month mark. From what I've seen over the years, this is a critical time for most quitters. A lot of quits are lost during this time for reasons that include what you two are experiencing. Know that this is normal. Hang in there and ride it out. It will pass in a few days, or sooner. The less you focus on it, the quicker it will pass. It's all a part of the healing process.

Eya, the nicotine IS out of your system. That is why you feel the way you do. Embrace it because it is good. (geez, is that as corny as it sounds?)

I'm mighty proud of both of you - battling this addiction and winning, coming here and giving support, coming here and getting support

, and staying the course, overall. Plan some great one-month rewards for yourselves; you've certainly earned them.

Keep up the great quits.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hello - Funny - am not sure why am posting here today, or what exactly I can contribute. Almost have one month under my belt of NOPE. I thought quitting by cold turkey would get nic out of my system better than it has. I thought I could quit without feeling so very very stupid and very very alone. I can not stop crying and crying and crying and crying . . and crying. My hubby and friends had a party at our place last night. They played darts and had some laughs. They asked me to join in; play some guitar . . . But I just sat on my computer, reading these posts here and crying. I have clients who come to me for lovely acupressure & reflexology treatments, and I must remain grounded and be pleasant - my livelihood depends on it!! I'm saving all extra money I make to continue my adult education and get full certification for massage therapy, so I need my brain! I need to stop crying as I look (and feel) very very ugly and very very old & am no help to anyone in this shape. It is nice to see other Quitters here; new and old alike. I hope you all find a good quit buddy to relate to - there are many kind words and international friends here! That is cool! I will ride on that for a time! My confidence (the only edge I've ever had has come to me when I've had confidence!) is very eroded these days; I can't say as I'd want to be friends with me right now - and that's not good - as I find myself kind of hard to get away from! But at least I can peep far enough out of my own self made, narcissistic mess to say that I'm proud of you JoDee, Cozmo and ShyOne for your stats to date!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 45

Hi everyone! How are your weekends going? JoDee, how'd ya do at the party? eya, I love the "weakened" reference... so true. Cozmo & Megan, are y'all still out there?

Ugh... my weekend has been rough so far. Two days into Week 4 and I'm crawling up the walls again. This was my third day of crying my eyes out until I finally turned to my buddy Evan Williams and came here. So I'm still nicotine-free and smoke-free.

My local smoke shop, where I used to get my tobacco and filters, sells non-nicotine herbal cigarettes. I was really tempted to try a pack this past Saturday but then I thought, "I'm doing all this work, my lungs are clearing up...why do that to myself?" ...And besides, who knows what I'd be inhaling... I decided to stick with my water vapor.

I'm SO glad you guys are here...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hello Jodee,

To add an image (avatar) to your profile and posts, log in to your account. Once logged in, go to the Program main page (the little blue house will take you there). Click on Public Settings. Here you can upload a picture using the Browse button. This button allows you to search for a picture saved to your computer. The picture you choose must be smaller than 50KB. Be sure to select Yes to the statement “Show your picture icon”. Lastly, click the Update button to ensure the changes are saved.

Glad to see you are all fighting the good fight and putting into place your coping mechanisms to ensure your success!

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 97

I'd love to see the pic of you and your grandson. I bet you two are a pair.

You have a great plan by getting a non-smoker to watch your back. Go into it knowing you will come through smoke-free and all will be well. If you have nothing to worry about, then you won't be stressing over worrying.

Have fun at the party and we'll see your smoke-free self later on.

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