I've certainly missed you all.
I caved right before I moved out of the old (and foreclosed) house. And I kept caving as I moved box after box to the new house..... I promised myself that as soon as every last thing was put away, the cigarettes would be put away too. So I just had my last one (again!) about 1/2 hour ago.
Smoking was not pleasant at all this time. Not even once did I enjoy it. I wanted to cry every morning when I'd stop by the store and paid $8.00. I hated the smell. I hid at work. I started coughing again. I coughed so hard one morning that I actually threw up. My skin looks horrible. I'm tired all of the time. What appeal. I'm heartbroken about my relapse..... I feel so yucky about it. This is such an addiction. I was at the point where I really wasn't thinking too much about it-- wasn't having anymore horrible withdrawal symptoms or cravings. What is the matter with me!?
I stopped writing because I didn't want to tell you I failed.... it was so uncomfortable. I look up to so many of you here and it took a lot for me to sit down this afternoon and fess up. But I also feel a little better because I felt like I was hiding-- and I really did miss all of you.
I stocked up on the supplies I know I'll need: Vitamins, straws, sparkling water, limes, Popsicles, a book, patches.... this place is another tool that I need. I know I need it because I can't do this again without you. I feel so stupid you guys. Really stupid and really down.
I thank God that I have it in me to keep trying though. I don't want to fail anymore. It's too hard.
deborah
My Milage:My Quit Date: 3/8/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 135
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,240
Amount Saved: $972.00
Life Gained:Days: 13
Hrs: 23
Mins: 16
Seconds: 6
breather
