Hey guys! I hope everyone is doing good. Well, i started the 12 step program the day before yesterday. Yesterday and today i drove to work panick attack free. I kept waiting for a panick attack to come on while i was driving, i started feeling jittery and "weak" but as soon as it came on it went away. Although i had 2 very good days i'd like to be able to get rid of this constant anxiety that i live with. i was sitting down thinking and my worst enemy in this situation are these vivid thoughts that keep runing through my head, they are unwarranted useless and detrimental thoughts.
for example.......i have a 19 year old daughter who is married, lives away from home (in the same borough)with her husband and is 4 months pregnant. Although she seems very happy , and i have a great relationship with her, when i think about her (which is constantly) i keep getting these vivid thoughts of god forbid her coming into harm, either her getting into an accident and stuff like that. i'd like to concentrate on more pleasant things such as the closeness we have, the nice conversations that we have and how pleasant it is when we spend time together, but these nasty thoughts keep invading my head and BOOM! there comes that anxious jittery feeling.
Another example, my fiance, he is the greatest man on earth, will do anything for me, and we never had an argument, we have a great relationship, i trust him and i love his family to death.......but instead of thinking about that blessing, i keep getting these vivid images of him betraying me, or my having a fight with him and having to walk away from a relationship etc etc, again, these thoughts make me anxious and angry at him for no reason (although i do not take it out on him)im constantly on ege and now is begining to depress me.
how can i get rid of these nasty intruders in my head? does anyone out there have any suggestions? if i got rid of those thoughts, and started looking at reality (reality is that i have it quite good) then the panic attacks may stop as well. I wish i could reprogram my head, but on the outside (what others see) im very bubbly and optimistic, if they only knew that on the inside im very pesimistic and always waiting for the worst to happen, the funny thing is that again, my life is not