Quit Meter
$125,030.40
Amount Saved
Quit Meter
Days: 995 Hours: 20
Minutes: 54 Seconds: 3
Life Gained
Quit Meter
6512
Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter
312,576
Cigarettes Not Smoked
Thanks Josie, I'm honoured to grace your fridge. Can I have the chocolate in it? ;) nonic, miss you old buddy I hope you're doing well and congrats on your own 600! Rachel, skies the limit as I can see from your stats, thanks for popping by here. Also love the WC quote, it's so appropriate for this quitting journey!
Now to msreader (AK)...you are completely and utterly not alone and I'm so glad you're already sensing the emotional part of your quit. Of all the lessons I've learned on this journey, of all the difficulties, of all the greatest triumphs, the ability to understand, challenge and conquer my emotions has been the most enriching and the most surprising. I know now that the only reason I EVER smoked for so long was for the continuing escape and denial of my own feelings. I was astonished as I began to understand that aspect of what harm smoking can do to us - you hear about disease & second hand smoke until you're blue in the face, but I've yet to hear a PSA on the emotional aspects of smoking! Still so shamefully taboo, talking about psychological issues I guess. But in reality I think you'd be hard pressed to find a smoker who doesn't have loads of emotional baggage of some type or the other. No, you're not 'crazy', you're not 'weak', you're not 'unstable', you're a smoker, dealing with your issues by lighting up instead of working them out. End of.
I learn more about myself and what made me who I am every day but wouldn't have had such an experience without putting down the cigs. The land of the lost is now 602 days in my past and good flipping riddance. I wish that for you.
We sound like robots sometimes on here saying 'trust me, it will be better', 'it's hard, we all have done this thing too' yadda yadda...and there's no real way to understand it until you've been there but it's all so so true. I wish I could box up my experience, how I feel, what I've discovered and just pass it over to you. But I can't. All I can do is send you some good mojo.
I don't come online often and when I do post it's usually because I've come through yet another new phase of the metamorphosis and I need to share it with folks here, as no one in my every day world can relate the same way. I've lived it all here in the SSC and wouldn't trade what I've been given from so many kind people here for anything. I wish the same for you, and I know they'll be here. I'm not much good at support mostly because I'm doing battle with my own demons but I'll be thinking about you and wishing you well.
I know your struggle. It's excruciating. It will end. You will be bursting with joy at the change in yourself that you bring on simply by stopping smoking.
I am pulling for you more than you can possibly imagine.
x T
Quit Meter
$59,070.00
Amount Saved
Quit Meter
Days: 1169 Hours: 22
Minutes: 50 Seconds: 51
Life Gained
Quit Meter
5370
Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter
118,140
Cigarettes Not Smoked
Cloak and crutch. Mask and myth. These you need? These you crave? No, friend, these you use to hide from reality and deny yourself a full life. Twenty years I did this. 598 days since I stopped. Since the smoke cleared, if you’ll pardon the irony. Sure everyone says their life changes when they quit smoking but folks, my life has CHANGED.
Bulllied as a kid. So shy I couldn’t ask the neighbour for the spare house key when I was locked out. Difficult family life resulted in a near debilitating fear of authority figures among other psychological weaknesses. 1+1+1 = passive/aggressive and entirely unable to express my own wants and needs. Cigarettes provided the escape mechanism from uncomfortable situations as well as the endorphin rush to make me feel less crap.
They also provided a cough, a litany of other physical ick-nesses and a sure fire way to withdraw into myself and throw away two decades. Whoopee, enter the nightmare.
Fast forward those 20 years and 598 days and I barely recognize who I’ve become. I can now ask for what I want from my husband, boss and work colleagues, knowing full well it may create confrontation - but that’s ok, I can deal with it now. I can challenge something that goes against my opinion or core beliefs and come to an agreement whether it’s in my favour or not. I can admit when I’m wrong. I can choose my battles wisely and debate with the best of them. Or I can withdraw from an argument that’s not important enough to expend the effort, and - key here - not feel angry about it later. I can defend myself, I can think clearly, and I’m not too late. There is still time to live. I AM living now. I am soaring.
Let us draw back the curtain at have a gander at the wizard.
At the first hint of an uncomfortable emotion, smokers are desperate to switch it off. They race off behind the blue cloud thinking they’re just having a moment to decompress, when they’re actually creating more chaos in their lives by physically speeding up their system. They inhale and exhale, mentally reworking the thing they’re trying to avoid, layering angst on anger. Time and again they avoid the difficult act of facing up to issues and finding resolutions. It’s easier to walk away and smoke yourself stupid. Hell, I used to verbalise what an argument would be like with someone who wasn’t present, just to get the anger out of my system so I wouldn’t have to confront them. Cripes what a saddo.
You can’t smoke a flat tire full. You can’t smoke an infuriating boss into a kitten. You can’t smoke a traffic jam clear, or a bill collector paid, or that burnt out Christmas tree lightbulb to reveal itself. Smoke all you want, it’ll still be there when you come back inside, stinking and spewing (and cursing that bulb!)
Smokers think their lives are lacking something that a four inch tube full of brown weeds and embalming fluid can miraculously cure. Honestly, if something so vile can replace whatever is missing in your life, you need to rethink how badly you need what’s missing and find something better to fill the void. Pronto. Go now, we’ll be here when you get back.
So hey, why kill yourself? Let’s start a campaign to help people screw up their lives without cigarettes! Here’s one: go buy a huge blanket, crawl under it and don’t come out for 20 years. You’ll develop the same social skills as the average smoker.
I know, better yet…don’t take a shower, start a food waste compost heap under that blanket, and crank up the heat. You’ll probably smell better than the average smoker.
I never truly understood the phrase ‘the truth hurts’ until I quit smoking. The truth does hurt. But running away from it hurts more. It hurts your wellbeing, it hurts your relationships.
If you’re here and you’re quit you are a hero. If you’re here and you’re still smoking you’re suffocating your inner hero and I hope someday it kicks your ash so you too can be free.
Throw the smokes OUT and do it now. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’ll be the hardest thing you ever do. Fact. But all it takes is to just STOP doing something. That’s it. Stop smoking, don’t do it again and you’re done. You’re alive. Bite the bullet. Take the pain. Just do it. Every other cliché for being a tough nut. Go.
I never thought I’d reach day 6 and now still here approaching 600. I love you all more than you know because you UNDERSTAND. Keep the faith.
x T
