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How to Cope

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 331

Hi ML, I am sorry to hear that you are not doing 100% lately. I know how difficult it can be to be a widow. I lost my father about 7 years ago and this left my mother a widow. I know how difficult it was for me so I can only imagine how difficult it was for my mother. My heart goes out to you. I know that you are a strong woman and that no challenge or situation that you come across will ever make you a smoker again. I know from your posts how much you want to stay a non smoker so keep in mind in those difficult moments that smoking will not change anything and that it may actually make you feel worse for letting yourself down as you know how strong you are. I will send you my positive vibes and hugs to get you through this. Sometimes the hard times are just blessings in disguise so take what you can out of this experience and use it to grow each and every day! I agree with Moss...good for you for reaching out and accepting the best support available!

Lots of love, Take Care

Natalie

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/12/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 249
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,735
Amount Saved: $2,241.00
Life Gained:
Days: 17 Hrs: 8 Mins: 42 Seconds: 46

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

ML,

How are you doing? We're all wishing you well.

Let us know how you are,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 649

Hi ML

Don't know what to say to make you feel better. Wish I had some magic for you. I am proud of you for reaching out to the group when you are having a rough time. Just know we are always just a keystroke away. I know it 's been a couple days since your original post so I hope the passing of time has brought you a better day.

Thinking of you fellow No-ember

Moss

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/19/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 242
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,630
Amount Saved: $816.75
Life Gained:
Days: 38 Hrs: 22 Mins: 40 Seconds: 26

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1890

Hi, ML,

I don't know how long it's been since your husband died but is there a chance you might feel social enough now to go to the local community center to see if there's anyone there you'd like to chat to? Play card with? I wish I could get my ass out the door to go to the local swimming pool for the Jacuzzi and the water exercise classes - I just know that it would do me the world of good. I'm just so wrapped up in dealing with my physical pain right now that I am blind to the most obvious way to diminish it!! Rotten Catch-22!!

You won't be tempted to smoke at the pool or the Community Center and you'll get out of the house for a few hours during the day or the evening...

I daren't think too long on what it would be like if my wife died on me. I get the teary eyes right away and then I start worrying that I'm creating misery where there was no need for it in the first place! She's stuck in South Africa for another 6 months while we wait for her immigration visa to Canada....

patrick

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/18/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 182
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,550
Amount Saved: $2,047.50
Life Gained:
Days: 33 Hrs: 20 Mins: 11 Seconds: 9

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 567

Hi ML,

Sorry so late with this---and so glad you worked through it. Gosh--life can be tough, but you & I both know that smoking won't change anything...it will wind up making you feel worse if you are a smoker who wishes she was quit....

I'm glad to hear your going for counciling, and you are showing great coping skills by coming here to post before smoking and remaining strong through the rough patch. I, too, have been having a little harder time than in the beginning. Not sure of the cause---but I am commiting myself back to basics--lots of water, deep breaths and reading my reasons for quitting, as well as more reading and posting on the SSC.

So let's hang tough together --- we are doing this & will continue to do so:)

Deb

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 3/1/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 138
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,140
Amount Saved: $931.50
Life Gained:
Days: 15 Hrs: 18 Mins: 34 Seconds: 5

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 967

ML, I am sorry that you are having a rough time of it right now. Try and remember your reasons for quitting, that's what I have to do. My dad died when I was nine, he was a heavy smoker but my mom never was. She had to deal with being a widow very early and raising me with so many bills it was unbelievable. She did it all without smoking or becoming an alcoholic. I have asked her many times how she did and and stayed to positive for me all the time. Its just the was she was, and I am sure you can be like that too. Your a strong person, going through something very difficult. Take some deep breaths, pat yourself on the back for a job well done and move forward to tomorrow. I know you can ML..stick with it.

Kelly

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 12/6/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 224
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 6,720
Amount Saved: $840.00
Life Gained:
Days: 18 Hrs: 6 Mins: 38 Seconds: 24

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1080

Hi ML I am sorry I wasn't around for you earlier, but I was so relieved to read your last post and that you managed to stave off the need to smoke.

I can really feel for what happened with the change of meds and your husband's birthday and it seems oh so much easier to just do what we did before and smoke, and before you know it you have those two little conversations in your head, one the voice of reason and the other the voice of addiction.

But the main thing is you overcame, and I loved the way you acknowledge that no doubt this will come again, but you have beaten it now and you will beat it again.

I know one day I am going to have to face a demon/some demons and who knows what will happen, but I just hope I have as much strength and resilience as you have so admirably demonstrated this week.

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 5/10/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 68
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,700
Amount Saved: $1,020.00
Life Gained:
Days: 8 Hrs: 1 Mins: 8 Seconds: 38

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 130

Thank you Wazz, Penitent, Lilyput, Kiwi, HelpMeNow1, Sylvie and Patrick for your replies to my call for help. I didn't break down and smoke. I'm keeping the quit. I am seeing a counsellor, in fact, I saw her this morning and she told me she felt confident that I would not go back to smoking, no matter what. I wish I had her confidence. But one of the reasons I really think she's good is that she hears what I don't say. So perhaps she is "hearing" something I'm missing.

The basic problem is that I am a widow. Most of the time I cope well. But there are times, such as the past few weeks, when it just overwhelms me. There are triggers in widowhood as there are in smoking. One big trigger is today - my husband's birthday. I also had a reaction to some meds that I'm on and the resultant trying of new meds - which just made me worse - and then going back to the originals with a slight change. Make sense? And going it alone is hard sometimes. Anyway, the whole situation came crashing down on me and all I could think of was to go back to smoking - ya know, the familiar panacea.

Well, after talking with my counsellor and reading your kind messages of support, I can't let anyone down by resuming smoking, especially myself. As with widowhood, I am taking this day by day, sometimes minute by minute. If I get through this crisis, then I'll be good until the next and then repeat again. Little by little, it gets better or at least I hope so.

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 11/22/2007
Smoke-Free Days: 238
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,760
Amount Saved: $1,475.60
Life Gained:
Days: 30 Hrs: 12 Mins: 55 Seconds: 8

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1890

ML, going back to smoking will not do anything good for you at all. You'll regret it the moment you take that first inhale and the extra misery will weigh your spirit down even further than your present worries ae doing right now... It's just NOT a good deal at all. You can always buoy yourself up now to deal with these present mental weights by remembering that you're not a smoker and that you did something incalculably worthwhile for your health by quitting the addiction 238 Days ago!!

Stay cool and go to the Depression Site and either there or here, talk about these problems that have taken such a toll on your mental health... we've all got them and we could all do with talking about them to people we know will understand what they do to us...

Patrick

My Milage:

My Quit Date: 1/18/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 181
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 4,525
Amount Saved: $2,036.25
Life Gained:
Days: 33 Hrs: 16 Mins: 30 Seconds: 50

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1288

ML,

Quitting smoking is never easy and times may be difficult but remind yourself of all the hard work you've put in so far. You should be really proud of yourself! Remind youself of all the benefits of being a non smoker and keep your head up!

Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

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