Hi all,
Just wanted to share a recent experience. Yesterday, I was having an extremely anxious day, I'm quite convinced it was brought on as a result of giving in once again to "avoidance," which is my worst tendency when dealing with panic. I have become increasingly agoraphobic over the past few months and after not really leaving the house for almost a week, my symptoms were peaking. I was very dizzy and nauseated, also a little dispondant and disassociated. I was having tunnel vision and hearing everything around me as though it were coming from miles away. Suddenly I was breaking down into unprevoked sobs about every 20 minutes. Anyway, I do not generally have a fear of dying so much as a fear that I will feel this way forever. As though I will continue to feel an overall sense of anxiety and vague illness endlessly. I am 28 yrs. old and I have always been very ambitious and a "risk taker". Now, everything has changed, I went from a person who could travel half way around the world on my own to someone who suffers major anxiety even going to the corner store. The bottom line I guess is that although I don't have a fear of death, I feel like my life is passing me by, like I am missing out on all the wonderful things about life. I hardly recognize myself anymore. I tried to go for a walk around the park after it got dark last night because I didn't want to feel like I was giving in to the avoidance. As soon as I arrived at the park, I felt a sudden surge of anxiety. I thought for sure that I was going to vomit or faint and I began shaking and sweating. I refused to turn around though and I made it around the park. Sorry for the length of this but I have a question for everyone. If over the past two years, despite feeling like I was very ill, I have never vomitted nor fainted, why do I continue to become so convinced that I will? And also, just like walking around the park, instead of saying "Wow, I did it and nothing bad happened" my brain just seems to register the same panic over and over regardless of how many times I have proven that there is nothing to fear? Does anyone else relate to this? I would appreciate your thoughts very much. Hope everyone is well.
Cheers, Lolita