thanks misty...I'm looking forward to the CBT Sundays and Thursdays...I think this is going to be very helpful to me. I've printed off today's post and plan to carry out the assignment. I think the Mod's Corner is a really great idea! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 534 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,680.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 4 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

I know exactly how you are feeling! I can't give you any advise on it, but I just wanted you to know that i know what you are going through. All I can say is that it can really really really be difficult to work in an office with women. I never could do it! I just got my CDL and took up professional driving for a while. LOL! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 587 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,025 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,006.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Thanks for the replies....Maybe my work woes are too much to sum up in a thread. I can't claim angelic innocence, yet I can say that I've given a lot of positive feed back to co workers and been supportive to the point of backing them up even when I disagreed with a decision they were making. I don't spend a lot of time asking if they're ok or not if it is clear that they don't want to be pestered about what's on their mind. I guess my problem is giving away too much of myself to make sure that my team member is steady and supported by me at the expense of my own boundaries and energies. this has been going on for 5 years, until I finally had a bit of a breakdown last summer. I recieved help for the matter, and have been strongly encouraged to set and maintain my own boundaries - in other words, take care of me. This is new behavior for me, and I'm struggling a little bit, so my first steps have been somewhat awkward and have taken some people by surprise. For example if someone fills me in on important dialogue with a client and then asks me if I'll do the documentation, I have politely stated that since they are the one who had this meaningful interraction, then I think it would do the matter justice if they did the file note. That sort of thing. In the past I simply did as requested and often took flack for someone else's error simply because I knew that if I didn't, then working with that person would be very difficult. However, that's all changing, not as smoothely as I'd hoped since I'm new at asserting myself, and so, like I said some of my 'assertiveness' has been somewhat awkward and has caused a bit of a stir amoung the staff body. I'm getting quite a back lash because I reported a very serious case of professional misconduct and the person was investigated and dismissed - so you can see how we're all sort of circling one another finding some common ground. I do my level best to maintian professionalism...I no longer engage in gossip about co workers, I'm careful about my choice of words when passing along information at shift change, and I've been challenging people who choose to confide to me their latest disagreement with the boss. Which brings me back to the matter of giving positive feedback. I think I should work on that more. I applaud a job well done and thank people for helpful input...but somehow even that bites me in the rear as I'm sounding condescending. It's a real dance, but I'm learning. I think that whenever there is a change in an interpersonal dynamic, there are ripples. I think that with time and practice, I'll develope a better sense of tact and consideration. At this time I'm very awkward and I often embarrass myself. I know I've gone on a fair bit here...the matter is very close to my heart I hope I haven't come off sounding like I'm singing 'poor me' I try to take ownership of myself and my actions especially when I've recieved constructive critisism. ok. I think I'll stop here, I'm having a hard time closing this post. Thanks again for your replies....:-) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 533 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,320 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,660.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 45

Cabbage, it strikes me that you are asking colleagues to give you feedback and yet, you state that you are uncomfortable doing so yourself. You don't say whether you are just coworkers or have a supervisor relationship...certainly that makes a difference. I'm not sure why you feel the need to "perception check." It seems to me that once you have said it, they know the door is open. I don't see any reason to keep asking as if you are second-guessing yourself. Whether or not you are tired of sucking it up, part of working around people is allowing both you and them to make mistakes without having to constantly be in a forgiveness mode. JMHO. Rusty :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1168 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 32,704 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,088.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 167 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33

Communication is a key element! You can be assertive and pose your questions. Do so in a positive manner and don't forget that everyone likes to be patted on the back once in awhile. Don't just approach with questions and inquiries, pull out some positive feedback and give it freely! Josie, Health Educator

I often perception check with co workers and ask if there's anything I'm doing that is setting them on edge. Over and over again I get a bright eyed 'I don't know what you mean...' as they put down files loudly, purse their lips, and walk more loudly than is necessary. So, I try to change it up a bit and say something along the lines of, 'It can be really annoying when I keep on asking if you're ok. It can seem like I think everything is about me. just let me know if there's anything I can do differently.' you get the picture. Communication works both ways...if I'm met with stony silence, rolling eyes and sighs, then I'm pretty sure that I'd best back off and give this person some space. By the same token I have a very hard time letting a co worker know when I'm feeling put out by something they're doing, but lately I've been working on dishing it up and it's a little awkward. For example I called a co worker on an important piece of documentation that should have been completed before her shift ended. It was difficult for me to stand up to her, but I did. I guess what my big Q is, is how can I keep my own emotions from running high if I'm doing my best to communicate in a respectful manner and am met with a brick wall? I'm tired of sucking it up and working around people. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 533 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,320 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,660.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43