When I came to this forum 3 years ago, it was because I had decided I was done with cigarettes. My mother had quit smoking at 72 yrs old, diagnosed with advanced emphysema cigarettes were killing her.
I held Momma's hand last week as she drew her last laboured breath.
Her lung capacity was down to 8 percent, the biopap machine was forcing them to expand enough to take in oxygen. It was her wish to die peacefully, not gasping for her last breath the way she had lived for the last year. It was a hard decision to make, but Momma had expressed she did not want to be on life support and that is what the bio pap machine had became. We children just had to decide when, the next several hours were the hardest hours of my life.
The nurse started a morphine drip that eased her into a deep sleep, the steroids that had misshappened her arms to a grtesque bloated size where no longer administered, for they had ceased to help her lungs for over a week.Myself and family memebers held villigence as she slipped away from this mundane world.
I was reminded during those hours of the strong woman she has always been, diggig fish ponds, training dogs and training and riding horses.Momma did not know the word impossible, she lived life the way she wanted, full of love and life,vibrant and alive.
I am so very proud of Momma, she taught me how to live life, to embrace ife with all you have, to hold to those you love, support and nurture them along the way.
Most expecially she taught me to believe in me, to live life the way I want it to be,not a slave to an addiction, but free and at peace with me.
I love Momma and miss her every day, but she isnt struggling for breath any more and she can dance for hours now, no oxygen tank or shortness of breath to slow her down.
I pray each of you who read this gain strength to carry on with your new lives. Happiness and love are not found in a drug but in our capacity to share them.
In strength, love and kinmanship,
suzy
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/25/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1040
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 31,200
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $4,097.60
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 116 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 51 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40
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Quit Meter
$58,944.60
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 723
Hours: 19
Minutes: 8
Seconds: 33
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
5038
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
226,710
Cigarettes Not Smoked