Audrey, when I wrote that in February, I thought that it would get better and I was looking forward to a brighter future. I did not know when I wrote that in February that in November I would still be fighting cravings every hour of every day and having smoking dreams every night. The harsh bite of reality takes the hope right out of you. It's like a hike. At the outset, you think about the crisp mountain air, and the view from the top, and the sense of accomplishment. Somewhere along the way, your back hurts, you have blisters that are getting infected, there is nothing left of the dream that getting to the top means, all that remains is the slow and painful slogging, one foot in front of the other, you can't even remember why you started on this journey. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/27/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 278 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,340 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,780.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 36 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

Audrey! I'm so happy to see you. I have thought of you so often & wondered if you were OK. I'm so glad to see that you are! Check in once in awhile will ya???? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/13/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 172 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,440 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,892.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

the old try had a better grip: tryagain Feb 16, 2007 (06:14 PM) Reply | Quote Posts: 484 Joined: Feb 02, 2006 350864 Deb, we were at death's door weren't we? I mean, without actually getting called into the doctor's office and told to sit down and be calm. Although, when hubby got his new knee, he had some serious heart problems on the table that made the doctor say "It's time to quit". It wasn't enough. Part of it is sheer stubborness. No one is gonna make me quit smoking, I like it! Smoking is impossible to like. I enjoy smoking means: I enjoy seeing my money burn up and nothing to show for it. I enjoy coughing until I break a blood vessel and spew blood all over the place. I enjoy having my nose run black stuff. I enjoy stinking I enjoy ruining furniture and clothing I enjoy jumping up from bed and running to the sink so I can cough up a couple wads of phleghm first thing every morning. I enjoy the slimy feeling of smoke on my skin. It makes absolutely no sense that anyone in their right mind would find this enjoyable. Only an addict, not in their right mind would find this enjoyable. My Milage: My Quit Date: 1/27/2007 Smoke-Free Days: 20 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 623 Amount Saved: $200 Life Gained: Days: 2 Hrs: 17 Mins: 45 Seconds: 52 [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/16/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 288 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,760 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $806.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 28 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

tryagain, Are there any counselors in your area that offer a sliding scale? What about a local church or community center, somewhere you can talk to someone about the anger? I think this is bigger than smoking. All the best [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/5/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1182 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 23,640 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $5,319.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 90 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

Three days off the gum???? Thats explains it!!! You are going through the winthdrawal Try!!!! But the best part is, this will be it, after this withdrawal is done, you will feel better each and every day! So relax now we know where it is coming from!!! I am so glad you got off the gum. You will not regret it, I promise! Good for you!!! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 240 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,000 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,532.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 29 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

I have no real answers. Quitting was my decision. I can make the decision to unquit at any time. It is no one's fault but my own. I think that the reason why they have gotten so intense is because I am now three days off the gum which was my, if not a crutch, than at least a cane for months. For months I have had this annoying little craving. Like a buzz that wouldn't go away, like an itch that can't quite get scratched. I was advised that it was coming from the gum, just enough nic to keep that chain jerked. So, I quit. I expected to have cravings, like you know, at the beginning when the cravings would pass. The big cravings would pass, the little annoying buzz never passed. Well, that annoying buzz is now a turbine engine up close and it never goes away. Sometimes it's so loud that I can't pay attention to what's going on around me. The entire world has retreated leaving me and my annoying buzz alone. I guess I blame others because if not for the propaganda and the medical decision not to treat my breathing problems with anything other than quitting smoking, I would never be going through this. If I'm going to be resentful and angry it should be at the cigarette makers, because without them and their stupid addicting product, I'd be just fine. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/27/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 277 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,310 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,770.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 36 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 56

tryagain, This cost less than $300.00; just about an hour of my time and that's fine by me - I hope it helps you! Anger is one of the most common and destructive delusions and it afflicts our mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger we first need to recognize the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both our self and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all. What is anger? Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object, feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm him in some way, probably by criticizing or disparaging him. Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist. Moreover anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever. There is nothing more destructive than anger. It destroys our peace and happiness in life and impels us to engage in negative actions that lead to untold suffering. The opponent to anger is patient acceptance Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. Whenever we develop anger, our inner peace immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to fall asleep, and whatever sleep we do manage to get is fitful and unrefreshing. It is impossible to enjoy ourselves when we are angry, and even the food we eat seems unpalatable. Anger transforms even a normally attractive person into an ugly red-faced demon. We grow more and more miserable, and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot control our emotions. One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us, we expose our self to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights, we are prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships, and even the well-being of our family and children. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice, driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. In a fit of anger, forgetting the immeasurable kindness we have received from our friends or family we might strike out against and even kill the ones we hold most dear. It is no wonder that an habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. This unfortunate victim of his own temper is the despair of those who formerly loved him, and eventually finds himself abandoned by everyone. Anger is a response to feelings of unhappiness, which in turn arise whenever we meet with unpleasant circumstances. Whenever we are prevented from fulfilling our wishes, or forced into a situation we dislike - in short, whenever we have to put up with something we would rather avoid - our uncontrolled mind reacts by immediately feeling unhappy. This uncomfortable feeling can easily turn into anger, and we become even more disturbed than before. The other main reason we become unhappy and angry is because we are faced with a situation we do not want or like. Every day we encounter hundreds of situations we do not like, from stubbing our toe or having a disagreement with our partner, to discovering that our house has burnt down or that we have cancer; and our normal reaction to all of these occurrences is to become unhappy and angry. However, try as we might, we cannot prevent unpleasant things happening to us. We cannot promise that for the rest of the day nothing bad will happen to us; we cannot even promise that we shall be alive to see the end of the day. We are not in control of what happens to us. It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others, this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control, difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace, and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy. Therefore, if we really want to be rid of all enemies, all we need to do is uproot our own anger. If we are able to recognize a negative train of thought before it develops into full-blown anger, it is not too hard to control. If we can do this, there is no danger of our anger being 'bottled up' and turning into resentment. Controlling anger and repressing anger are two very different things. Repression occurs when anger has developed fully in our mind but we fail to acknowledge its presence. We pretend to our self and to others that we are not angry - we control the outward expression of anger but not the anger itself. This is very dangerous because the anger continues to seethe below the surface of our mind, gathering in strength until one day it inevitably explodes. On the other hand, when we control anger we see exactly what is going on in our mind. We acknowledge honestly the angry stirrings in our mind for what they are, realize that allowing them to grow will only result in suffering, and then make a free and conscious decision to respond more constructively. If we do this skilfully, anger does not get a chance to develop properly, and so there is nothing to repress. Once we learn to control and overcome our anger in this way, we shall always find happiness. Those who truly wish to be happy, therefore, should make the effort to free their minds from the poison of anger. In reality most of our emotional problems are nothing more than a failure to accept things as they are - in which case it is patient acceptance, rather than attempting to change externals, that is the solution. For example, many of our relationship problems arise because we do not accept our partner as he or she is. In these cases the solution is not to change our partner into what we would like him to be, but to accept him fully as he is. There are many levels of acceptance. Perhaps we already try to tolerate our partner's idiosyncrasies, refrain from criticizing him or her, and go along with his wishes most of the time; but have we in the depths of our heart given up judging him? Are we completely free from resentment and blaming? Is there not still a subtle thought that he ought to be different from the way he is? True patience involves letting go of all these thoughts. Once we fully accept other people as they are without the slightest judgement or reservation - then there is no basis for problems in our relations with others. Problems do not exist outside our mind, so when we stop seeing other people as problems they stop being problems. The person who is a problem to a non-accepting mind does not exist in the calm, clear space of patient acceptance. Patient acceptance not only helps us, it also helps those with whom we are patient. Being accepted feels very different to being judged. When someone feels judged they automatically become tight and defensive, but when they feel accepted they can relax, and this allows their good qualities to come to the surface. Patience always solves our inner problems, but often it solves problems between people as well. Patient acceptance of things we cannot change is the key to overcoming the perils of anger. Good Luck Penitent :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/18/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1261 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 25,220 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �6,305.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 202 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 18

Hello Tryagain, If your husband did buy you that carton and you did start smoking again, what would have caused it? What do you have to prepare to counter to stay quit? You've offerred up the state's war against smokers, your husband, your health, the medical profession, medical insurance, anger, resentment, everyone and that couple you know that have been there for four years. Is there a nicotine trigger in there somewhere? I believe it would help if we could narrow this list down a little and focus on what you can control. This may help things appear less out of control and overwhelming. Read what Kelly is trying to say to you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/15/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 230 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,600 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $966.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 37 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47

Try you have been in this pain since I quit, since I got here, It must be awful to carry that around. I would be talking to some one, anyone to help myself, being angry and miserable is no life. LIfe is too short and precious for that. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/3/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 180 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,800 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $315.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 17 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 1

I didn't see a doctor for my anger. But I did see a counselor. It was the absolute best thing I ever did. She helped me figure it all out and gave me some ways to deal with it that I never would have thought of on my own. One more thing: rage will kill you, just as sure as eating a box full of salt. It will eat you up inside. It will destroy your guts and your relationships. It feeds upon itself. One thing I do not get, though. Why are you blaming yourself for quitting smoking? That is really odd to me. Rusty [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/13/2004 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1051 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 29,428 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,678.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 148 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22