This weekend was great and horrible all in one. Saturday something happened that made me want to throw in the towell. I will not share the details here but will tell you it was one of the most emotionally disturbing things I've ever experienced and it involved my kids.
That was it. We were on our way to my boyfriends house and I said stop at the gas station, I need to get something. When he asked what, I said I NEED a pack of cigarettes right now! That is it, I am through. I don't care anymore! That is the final straw. I quit quitting.
Being an ex-smoker himself (over 20 years quit) he refused. He said he could use a drink too but that wasn't happening and neither was smoking. I pleaded with him to please stop. Fortunately for me, he won that battle and I'm still smoke free today.
At any time, anything can threaten our quits. I keep saying that nothing is worth smoking again but this weekend and even now I wonder. I am not running out to buy any smokes, but I'm not stepping foot in any gas stations either. Smoking doesn't help a thing. It really isn't an escape. It is just a junkie thought that doesn't stop. The junkie never dies but we do learn to control the junkie inside. Lately, I've had some close calls. That really worries me. The statements above are more for myself than anyone else. I will repeat them again, mainly because [b]I[/b] need to.
[list]
[*]Smoking doesn't help a thing.
[*]It really isn't an escape
[*]It is just a junkie thought
[*]We learn to control the junkie inside
[/list]
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 836
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 16,720
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2,926.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 75 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11
