Dear Lookingglass -
I so understand... it was the same for me. And was most definitely a refuge for me, and a safe one at that. I didn't have to cope, or feel, or compromise, or even see clearly. I was a smoker - I had a smokescreen to protect me.
I didn't have to feel, or see the truth. I didn't have to get in touch with what a reality check was, as my smokescreen kept me in the most amazing fog.
Smoking for me served its purpose - had it not, I would not have smoked.
It really is a brand new world w/out this addiction, w/out the cigarette to find, to light, to take to an ash tray, to put out, to hide, to need and put first, always... etc etc etc.....
And we are left with the most powerful of Awakenings when that addiction is gone, and behind us. We are faced with feelings, as nonic describes as cold steel... We are standing in the clearest day, on top of the mountain - with absolutely no fog to numb us, or serve as that convenient buffer, and alas - no distractions of finding the light or the ash tray.
We are introduced to life... to the new ME - the new YOU...to the world w/out fog.
It is amazing and yes, it's a journey that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. Growing, learning to feel, to cope, to ask for help, learning to be vulnerable and angry, sad and happy...
Thanks for this thread, Lookingglass ..... it really is like looking in the Lookingglass :)
Many Blessings-
Healer
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 373
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 13,058
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1734.45
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 48 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 56
